Subject: Definitions (Page 26)

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Management: A class of semi-skilled corporate hirelings whose rise within the organization correlates directly with the amount of work they delegate to their more-talented underlings.

Definitions Work

Elector: One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man’s choice.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Elections/Voting Government Language

Statesman: A politician away from home.

Definitions Politicians

Bisexual: A person who pays for sex.

Definitions

Technology: The knack of so arranging the world that we need not experience it.

(1911 – 1991) Swiss playwright & novelist
Definitions Science/Weather

Cabinet Maker: Counter fitter.

Definitions Occupations

Birthday: Anniversary of one’s birth, observed only by men and children.

Age Definitions

Cleavage: Something which excites disapproval in everyone but the audience.

Body Definitions

Modesty: Being comfortable that others will soon discover your greatness.

Definitions Self

Centenarian: A person who has lived to be one hundred years old. He never smoked or he smoked all his life. He used whiskey for eighty years or he never used it. He was a vegetarian or he wasn’t a vegetarian.

Age Definitions Old

Carpet: Expensive floor covering used to catch spills and clean mud off shoes.

Definitions

Disinheritance: Heir cut.

Definitions

Efficiency Expert: A man who knows less about your business than you do and gets paid more for telling you how to run it than you could possibly make out of it, even if you ran it right instead of the way he told you to.

Definitions

Marriage: The difference between painting the town and painting the back porch.

Definitions Marriage

Market Correction: The day after you buy stocks.

Definitions

Honeymoon: The morning after the knot before.

Communication Definitions Marriage

Executive: An under-worked, over-paid person who is in over their head.

Definitions Occupations

Egotism: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions

Job: A state of employment everyone wants but few look forward to on a Monday morning.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

Desk: A waste basket with drawers.

Definitions Things

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Emotions Language Love