Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Definitions
(Page 27)
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Shallowness: The root cause of chronic good health, high school popularity, appearance on the fiction bestseller lists, and gainful employment on local tv news broadcasts.
Rick Bayan
(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions
Shallowness
Memorial Service: A farewell party for someone who has already left.
Anonymous
Death
Definitions
Memorial Service
Bathing Suit: A garment cut to see level.
Anonymous
Appearance
Clothing
Definitions
Wordplay
Bathing suit
Niagara Falls: The bride’s second great disappointment.
Anonymous
Definitions
Places
Sex
Niagara Falls
Tears: Remorse code.
Anonymous
Definitions
Wordplay
Tears
Birth: The first and dirtiest of all disasters.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions
Situations
Birth
Disasters
Tube Dress: A dress which is an extended boob tube.
Anonymous
Clothing
Definitions
Tube Dress
Marriage: The mourning after the knot before.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Bimbo: Any woman to whom you pay a compliment, while in the company of your wife.
Anonymous
Definitions
Women
Bimbo
Imagination: What puts men in asylums unless they are crazy enough to put it down on paper or canvas.
Anonymous
Definitions
Imagination
Percussive Maintenance: Striking a recalcitrant piece of electronic hardware in order to facilitate a successful reboot, and repeating as necessary.
Anonymous
Definitions
Failure
Problems
Things
Percussive Maintenance
Brothel: Home is where the tart is.
Anonymous
Definitions
Brothel
Morality: An instinctive sense of right and wrong that tells some people how everyone else should behave.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Definitions
Honesty
Morality
Zoo: A place devised for animals to study the habits of human beings.
Oliver Herford
(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Animals
Definitions
People
Places
Zoos
Apologize: To repeat an insult with variations.
Anonymous
Definitions
Apologize
Diet Drink/Soda: A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half-pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Anonymous
Definitions
Food/Drink
Diet Drink/Soda
Urinal: The one place where all men are peers.
Anonymous
Definitions
Wordplay
Urinal
Childbirth:
You
get to go through thirty-six hours of contractions;
he
gets to hold your hand and say, ‘focus… breathe… push…’
Anonymous
Definitions
Childbirth
Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two being goulash and squid.
Anonymous
Definitions
Food/Drink
Yogurt
Patriotism: The willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons dreamed up by politicians.
Anonymous
Death
Definitions
Patriotism
Delegate-At-Large: A man at a convention whose wife didn’t accompany him.
Anonymous
Definitions
Delegate-At-Large
Page 27 of 78
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