Subject: Definitions (Page 28)

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Altar: To change through marriage.

Definitions Marriage

Diet Planner: A fast talker.

Definitions

Genealogy: Chasing your own tale.

Definitions Family

Bookie: A pickpocket who lets you use your own hands.

Definitions

Falsies: A hope chest.

Body Clothing Definitions

Gossip: Something negative that is developed and then enlarged.

Definitions

Harp: A piano in the nude.

Definitions Entertainment Music Things

Consultant: A jobless person who shows executives how to work.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

Kleenex: Your daily nose-paper.

Definitions

Freudian Slip: When you say one thing but mean your mother.

Communication Definitions

Quickie: No sooner spread than done.

Definitions Sex

X-chromosome: A genetic double-cross that empowers women with the ability to bear children and reserves for men the right to be color-blind hemophiliacs.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Women

Houseplants: Vegetable companions; pleasant green pets that rarely bite or throw up on the carpet.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Things

Statistician: A person who can draw a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. 

Definitions Occupations Science/Weather

Toupée: Top secret.

Appearance Definitions Hair

Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Admiral: A general at sea.

Definitions Military

Users: Computer users are divided into three types: Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate users: people who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it. Expert users: people who break other people's computers.

Computers Definitions People Things

Counsel: Advice with a price tag.

Definitions

Drama Critic: A person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.

Definitions Occupations Reviews/Criticism

Eulogy: Praise that’s too much and too late.

Death Definitions