Subject: Definitions (Page 28)

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Government Bureau: Where the taxpayer’s shirt is kept.

Definitions Government Taxes

Doctor: The only man who hasn’t a guaranteed cure for a cold.

Definitions Doctors Health

Divorce: A splitting headache.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

Sunburn: Getting what you basked for.

Definitions

Self-evident: Evident to one's self and to nobody else.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions

Epitaph: A belated advertisement for a line of goods that has been permanently discontinued.

Death Definitions

Technology: The knack of so arranging the world that we need not experience it.

(1911 – 1991) Swiss playwright & novelist
Definitions Science/Weather

Egotism: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions

Diagnosis: A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Health Language Money

Senate: A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Congress Definitions Government

Hallucination: A belief owned exclusively by one person.

Definitions

Philanthropist: One who returns to the people publicly what he steals from them privately.

Definitions People

Dachshund: An animal half a dog high by a dog and a half long.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Animals Definitions Dogs

Committee: A cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled.

Definitions

Motherhood: If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor.

Definitions

Depression: A period during which we have to get along without the things our grandparents never dreamed of.

Definitions Money Past Time

Engagement: The time a girl takes until she finds out if she can do any better.

Definitions Relationships

Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

Definitions Future Time

Woman: A person who needs a shoe larger on the inside than outside.

Definitions People

Martial Arts: A family of Asiatic self-defense disciplines consisting largely of sweeping ornamental gestures of the arms and legs – amusing to look at but disappointingly ineffective when one’s opponent is armed with a semi-automatic.

Definitions

Adolescence: The age between puberty and adultery.

Age Definitions Sex