Subject: Definitions (Page 29)

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Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

Definitions

Invitro Fertilization: The innoculate conception.

Definitions

Auction: A place where, if you aren’t careful, you’ll get something for nodding.

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Bachelor: One who treats all women as sequels.

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Accountability: The mother of caution.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions

Insomnia: contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents.

Activities Definitions Sleep

Abstainer: A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Individuals Language

Travel Brochure: A trip teaser.

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Wind: Weather on the go.

Definitions Science/Weather

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Communication Definitions Speech

Testosterone: Hormone which causes facial hair, muscularity, a deep voice, speeding tickets, the desire to watch professional wrestling, Arnold Shwarzenegger movies, war, fist fights, and the need to purchase cocktails for women with names like “Boom Boom. ”

Definitions Men

Upgraded and Improved: Didn't work the second time.

Definitions Situations Things

Obituary: A final summation of our lives that, for most of us, occupies about three inches of space in what will shortly become cage liner for our neighbor’s parakeet.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Death Definitions

Baker: A person who kneads the dough.

Definitions Occupations

Cricket: A game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity.

Definitions Sports

Mercy: An attribute beloved of detected offenders.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language

Lisp: To Call a spade a thpade.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
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Egotism: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions

Blushing: The color of virtue.

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Noise: Earitation.

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Sterile Solution: Vasectomy.

Definitions