Subject: Definitions (Page 29)

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Brain: An apparatus with which we think we think.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Intelligence Language

A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.

(1907 – 1987) journalist & columnist
Definitions Work

Bookie: A pickpocket who lets you use your own hands.

Definitions

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Communication Definitions Reading/Writing

Teachers: United Mind Workers.

Definitions Education Wordplay

Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.

Beliefs Definitions Honesty Lies

Prostitute: A busy body.

Definitions

Houseplants: Vegetable companions; pleasant green pets that rarely bite or throw up on the carpet.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Things

Taxes: A funding method which allows people to test their powers of deduction.

Definitions Taxes

Wolf: A fellow who wants his hands on a girl, but doesn’t want a girl on his hands.

Definitions Men People

Unitarian: One who denies the divinity of a Trinitarian.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Innocent Bystander: A person so simple-minded he doesn’t know enough to get out of the way.

Definitions

Coffee: Break fluid.

Definitions Food/Drink Wordplay

Cuddling: An act of warmth and affection that a husband will inevitably interpret as foreplay.

Definitions

X-Ray: A diagnostic tool used to detect existing cancerous growths and create new ones for future examinations to reveal.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Health

Center Of Mass: The Priest.

Definitions

Year: The exact length of time that will pass from the day you get married to the day you forget your first anniversary.

Definitions Marriage Time

Manners: Noises you don’t make when eating soup.

Definitions

Clarification: To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.

Definitions

Hors d'oeuvres: A sandwich cut into 20 pieces.

Definitions Food/Drink

Contempt: The feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too formidable safely to be opposed.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language