Subject: Definitions (Page 29)

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Filing Cabinet: A place where you lose things alphabetically.

Definitions

Motel: A love-inn.

Definitions

Brain: An apparatus with which we think we think.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Intelligence Language

Marriage ceremony: An incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and the law being dragged into the affairs of your family.

Definitions Marriage

Slang: Language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work.

Communication Definitions Language

Anatomy: The belly of a very small insect.

Definitions Wordplay

Childbirth: You get to go through thirty-six hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say, ‘focus… breathe… push…’

Definitions

Father: A guy who is working his child’s way through college.

Definitions Family Fathers

Stomach: The home of the swallow.

Definitions

Quickie: No sooner spread than done.

Definitions Sex

Insanity: Knowing that what you’re doing is completely idiotic, but still, somehow, you just can’t stop it.

Definitions

Man: An animal [whose]… chief occupation is the extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions People Women

Counsel: Advice with a price tag.

Definitions

Ambassador: An honest man sent to lie abroad for the good of his country.

Definitions

Budget: An attempt to live below your yearnings.

Definitions

Youth: A good substitute for experience.

Age Definitions Young

Ascribe: Newspaper reporter.

Definitions

Neighbors: The strangers who live next door.

Definitions People

Delegate-At-Large: A man at a convention whose wife didn’t accompany him.

Definitions

Associate producer: Anybody who’s prepared to associate with a producer.

(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Definitions

Acrimony: The holy state of being married.

Definitions Marriage