Subject: Definitions (Page 3)

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Sanitation Worker: The title conferred on garbage men when they  started earning more than public school teachers.

Definitions Occupations

Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Age Definitions Food/Drink Health Old

Discriminate: To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more objectionable than another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language People

Intellectual: A guy who can keep his mind on a book at a beach.

Definitions People

Houseplants: Vegetable companions.

Definitions

Umbrella: A movable roof.

Definitions Things

Umbilical Cord: Baby bungee.

Definitions

Motherhood: If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor.

Definitions

Parking Space: An unoccupied place on the other side of the street.

Definitions

Ambassador: An honest man sent to lie abroad for the good of his country.

Definitions

Marriage: The mourning after the knot before.

Definitions Marriage

Lisp: To Call a spade a thpade.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Definitions

Black Eye: A stamp of disapproval.

Definitions

Hip: Smartly attuned to the latest cutting-edge cliches.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Silicone Treatment: The bust that money can buy.

Appearance Body Definitions

Old Age: When you find yourself using one bend-over to pick up two things.

Age Definitions Old

College: A fountain of knowledge where students gather to drink.

Definitions Education School

Funeral Home: a stately manse occupied by transients who continually receive visitors but lack the energy and inclination to entertain them.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Clairvoyant: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron, namely, that he is a blockhead.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Parenthood: Feeding the mouth that bites you.

Definitions Family Parents Wordplay

Income: The sum of money which it costs more than to live.

Definitions Money