Subject: Definitions (Page 3)

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Altar: To change through marriage.

Definitions Marriage

Church: Man’s effort to keep a roof over God’s head.

Beliefs Definitions God

Abscond: To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.

Crime Definitions

Travel Brochure: A trip teaser.

Definitions

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion

Linguist: A person who can be misunderstood in many languages.

Communication Definitions Language

Parking Meter: An automatic device that bets a dollar to your nickel that you can’t get back before the time runs out.

Definitions Things

Father’s Day: The annual day in June set aside so merchants can get rid of their leftover Christmas ties and shaving lotion.

Definitions Time

Small Town: Where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and all buy the weekly newspaper to see how much the editor dares to print.

Definitions Places

Congress: A place where there are too many Democratic congressmen, too many Republican congressmen – and not enough U.S. Congressmen.

Congress Definitions Government

Nice Girl: One who whispers sweet nothing-doings in your ear.

Definitions

Genealogy: An account of one’s descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Family Past

Job: A state of employment everyone wants but few look forward to on a Monday morning.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

Fobia: The fear of misspelled words.

Communication Definitions Reading/Writing

Science Fiction: Fairy tales for nerds.

Communication Definitions Science/Weather

Adverse: Promotional jingle.

Definitions

Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Philanthropist: One who returns to the people publicly what he steals from them privately.

Definitions People

Contraceptives: What Protestants use on all conceivable occasions.

Definitions

Freudian Slip: Foot-in-mouth disease.

Communication Definitions

Optimist: Someone who tells you to cheer up when things are going his way.

Definitions