Subject: Definitions (Page 3)

Trombones: Bones in an orchestra.

Zoo: A pleasant and instructive wildlife park, lately denounced for depriving animals of their right to starve or be eaten alive in their natural habitats.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter

Cemetery: An isolated spot, usually in a suburb, where mourners swap lies.

Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.

Efficiency Expert: A man who knows less about your business than you do and gets paid more for telling you how to run it than you could possibly make out of it, even if you ran it right instead of the way he told you to.

Amateur Athlete: An athlete who is paid in cash, not by check..

Wind: Weather on the go.

Fishing: A jerk at one end of the line waiting for a jerk at the other end.

Sport: War without killing.

Sense Of Humor: Being able to laugh at your friends’ misfortunes.

Diet: What helps a person gain weight more slowly.

Science: An orderly arrangement of what, at the moment, seems to be the facts.

Jury: A group of 12 people, who, having lied to the judge about their health, hearing, and business engagements, have failed to fool him.

Good Breeding: That quality that enables a person to wait in well-mannered silence while the loudmouth gets the service.

Doubles: Tennis game played by athletic couples who wish to burn a few calories while arguing.

Jazz Musician: A juggler who uses harmonies instead of oranges.

Philanthropist: One who gives away what he should give back.

Farm: A hunk of land on which, if you get up early enough mornings and work late enough nights, you’ll make a fortune – if you strike oil on it.

(1896 – 1988) American actor

Scotsman: A man who, before sending his pajamas to the laundry, stuffs a sock in each pocket.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.