Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Definitions
(Page 3)
View All Definitions
Trombones: Bones in an orchestra.
Anonymous
Definitions
Trombones
Zoo: A pleasant and instructive wildlife park, lately denounced for depriving animals of their right to starve or be eaten alive in their natural habitats.
Rick Bayan
(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Animals
Definitions
Zoo
Cemetery: An isolated spot, usually in a suburb, where mourners swap lies.
Anonymous
Definitions
Cemetery
Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Anonymous
Definitions
Bull Market
Investing
Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
Anonymous
Definitions
Corporation
Efficiency Expert: A man who knows less about your business than you do and gets paid more for telling you how to run it than you could possibly make out of it, even if you ran it right instead of the way he told you to.
Anonymous
Definitions
Efficiency Expert
Amateur Athlete: An athlete who is paid in cash, not by check..
Anonymous
Definitions
Amateur Athlete
Wind: Weather on the go.
Anonymous
Definitions
Science/Weather
Wind
Fishing: A jerk at one end of the line waiting for a jerk at the other end.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Fishing
Sport: War without killing.
Anonymous
Definitions
Sport
Sense Of Humor: Being able to laugh at your friends’ misfortunes.
Anonymous
Definitions
Emotions
Sense of humor
Diet: What helps a person gain weight more slowly.
Anonymous
Definitions
Food/Drink
Diet
Science: An orderly arrangement of what, at the moment, seems to be the facts.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Definitions
Facts
Science/Weather
Jury: A group of 12 people, who, having lied to the judge about their health, hearing, and business engagements, have failed to fool him.
Anonymous
Definitions
Jury
Good Breeding: That quality that enables a person to wait in well-mannered silence while the loudmouth gets the service.
Anonymous
Definitions
Good Breeding
Manners
Doubles: Tennis game played by athletic couples who wish to burn a few calories while arguing.
Anonymous
Definitions
Sports
Doubles
Tennis
Jazz Musician: A juggler who uses harmonies instead of oranges.
Anonymous
Definitions
Entertainment
Music
Jazz Musician
Philanthropist: One who gives away what he should give back.
Anonymous
Definitions
Philanthropist
Farm: A hunk of land on which, if you get up early enough mornings and work late enough nights, you’ll make a fortune – if you strike oil on it.
Jim Jordan
(1896 – 1988) American actor
Definitions
TV/Movie Quotes
As Fibber McGee in radio’s “Fibber McGee and Molly”
Farm
Scotsman: A man who, before sending his pajamas to the laundry, stuffs a sock in each pocket.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions
Frugal
Money
People
Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
Anonymous
Definitions
Mistakes
Experience
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