Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Definitions
(Page 3)
View All Definitions
Altar: To change through marriage.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Altar
Church: Man’s effort to keep a roof over God’s head.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Definitions
God
Abscond: To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
Anonymous
Crime
Definitions
Abscond
Travel Brochure: A trip teaser.
Anonymous
Definitions
Travel Brochure
Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Definitions
Religion
Satan
Linguist: A person who can be misunderstood in many languages.
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
Language
Linguist
Parking Meter: An automatic device that bets a dollar to your nickel that you can’t get back before the time runs out.
Anonymous
Definitions
Things
Gambling
Parking Meter
Father’s Day: The annual day in June set aside so merchants can get rid of their leftover Christmas ties and shaving lotion.
Anonymous
Definitions
Time
Father’s Day
Holidays
Small Town: Where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and all buy the weekly newspaper to see how much the editor dares to print.
Anonymous
Definitions
Places
Small town
Congress: A place where there are too many Democratic congressmen, too many Republican congressmen – and not enough U.S. Congressmen.
Anonymous
Congress
Definitions
Government
Nice Girl: One who whispers sweet nothing-doings in your ear.
Anonymous
Definitions
Nice Girl
Genealogy: An account of one’s descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions
Family
Past
Ancestors
Genealogy
Job: A state of employment everyone wants but few look forward to on a Monday morning.
Rick Bayan
(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions
Work
J
Fobia: The fear of misspelled words.
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
Reading/Writing
Fobia
Science Fiction: Fairy tales for nerds.
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
Science/Weather
Science fiction
Adverse: Promotional jingle.
Anonymous
Definitions
Adverse: Promotional jingle
Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Language
Coward
Philanthropist: One who returns to the people publicly what he steals from them privately.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Philanthropist
Contraceptives: What Protestants use on all conceivable occasions.
Anonymous
Definitions
Contraceptives
Freudian Slip: Foot-in-mouth disease.
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
Freudian Slip
Optimist: Someone who tells you to cheer up when things are going his way.
Anonymous
Definitions
Optimist
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