Subject: Definitions (Page 30)

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Gossip: One with a keen sense of rumor.

Definitions

Funeral: A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.

Death Definitions

Rugby: A game played by gentlemen with odd-shaped balls.

Definitions Sports

Zigzag: The shortest distance between two drinks.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

Saint: A dead sinner, revised and edited.

Definitions People

Experience: Something you don’t get until just after you needed it.

Definitions

Roulette: A wheel that seldom takes a turn for the bettor.

Activities Definitions Games

Hot Pants: Breeches of promise.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the other.

(1870-1943) German-American politician, socialist & writer
Definitions Government Politics

Psychology: The science that tells you what you already know in words you can’t understand.

Definitions Science/Weather

Pain: An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions Intelligence Mind

Bachelor: A man who can get out of bed from either side.

Definitions Marriage Men People

Narcissist: Psychoanalytic term for the person who loves himself more than his analyst.

Definitions People Self

Urinal: The one place where all men are peers.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Men

Liberal: Someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

Consciousness: The annoying time between naps.

Definitions

Disc Jockey: A guy who lives on spins and needles.

Definitions Occupations

Patience: The quality you admire in the driver behind you but can’t stand in the driver who’s in front of you.

Characteristics Definitions

Communist: A guy who borrows your pot to cook your goose.

Definitions

Intimacy: The first step toward parenthood.

Definitions

Penicillin: What to give a man who has everything.

Definitions Health Wordplay