Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Definitions
(Page 30)
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Gossip: One with a keen sense of rumor.
Anonymous
Definitions
Gossip
Funeral: A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.
Anonymous
Death
Definitions
Funeral
Rugby: A game played by gentlemen with odd-shaped balls.
Anonymous
Definitions
Sports
Zigzag: The shortest distance between two drinks.
Anonymous
Alcohol
Definitions
Food/Drink
Zigzag
Saint: A dead sinner, revised and edited.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Saint
Experience: Something you don’t get until just after you needed it.
Anonymous
Definitions
Experience
Roulette: A wheel that seldom takes a turn for the bettor.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Games
Betting
Roulette
Hot Pants: Breeches of promise.
Anonymous
Appearance
Clothing
Definitions
Hot pants
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the other.
Oscar Ameringer
(1870-1943) German-American politician, socialist & writer
Definitions
Government
Politics
Psychology: The science that tells you what you already know in words you can’t understand.
Anonymous
Definitions
Science/Weather
Psychology
Pain: An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics
Definitions
Intelligence
Mind
Pain
Physical
Bachelor: A man who can get out of bed from either side.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Men
People
Bachelor
Narcissist: Psychoanalytic term for the person who loves himself more than his analyst.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Self
Narcissist
Urinal: The one place where all men are peers.
Rick Bayan
(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions
Men
Urinal
Liberal: Someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Characteristics
Definitions
Consciousness: The annoying time between naps.
Anonymous
Definitions
Consciousness
Disc Jockey: A guy who lives on spins and needles.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Disc Jockey
Patience: The quality you admire in the driver behind you but can’t stand in the driver who’s in front of you.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Definitions
Patience
Communist: A guy who borrows your pot to cook your goose.
Anonymous
Definitions
Communist
Intimacy: The first step toward parenthood.
Anonymous
Definitions
Intimacy
Penicillin: What to give a man who has everything.
Anonymous
Definitions
Health
Wordplay
Penicillin
Page 30 of 78
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