Subject: Definitions (Page 30)

Taste: (female Interpretation): Something you do frequently to whatever you’re cooking, to make sure it’s good;   (male Interpretation): Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad, prior to tossing it out.

Freelance: To collect unemployment.

Acquaintance: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Baker: A person who kneads the dough.

Toupée: Top secret.

B-Negative: A pessimist’s blood type.

Congress: A strange forum where people get up and speak, nobody listens, and then everyone disagrees at the top of their lungs.

Argument: An exchange of ignorance.

Calculus: The branch of mathematics that is so scary it causes everybody to stop studying mathematics.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Good Neighbor: One who makes his noise at the same time you make yours.

Ache: Joint concern.

Life: A play with a lousy third act.

Faith: Not wanting to know what is true.

(1844 – 1900) German philosopher

Childish Games: Those at which your wife beats you.

Middle Age: That time of life when you'd rather not have a good time than recover from it. 

Lawsuit: A contest generally won by the party that can afford to reimburse the lawyers on both sides of the dispute.

Quiet: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.

Apparently: As either mother or father would do it.

Fiddlesticks: Violin bows.

Counsel: Advice with a price tag.

Bachelor: A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.