Subject: Definitions (Page 30)

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Discussion: A method of confirming others in their errors.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Mistakes People

London: A place you go to get bronchitis.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Definitions Health Places

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion

Eulogy: Praise that’s too much and too late.

Death Definitions

Cravings: An excuse to gluttonize your way through pregnancy.

Definitions

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.

Definitions

Acrobat: The person who turns a flop into a success.

Definitions

Center Of Mass: The Priest.

Definitions

Opportunist: One who goes ahead and does what you always planned to do. 

Definitions

Whoa!: A brake for horses.

Animals Definitions

Budget: A family quarrel.

Definitions

Engagement: The time a girl takes until she finds out if she can do any better.

Definitions Relationships

Spanking: To impress upon the mind from the bottom up.

Definitions

Egotism: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions

Cross-Eyed Teacher: A teacher that loses control over his or her pupils.

Definitions

Cat: A pygmy lion who loathes mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Animals Cats Definitions

Afterthought: A tardy sense of prudence that prompts one to try to shut his mouth about the time he has put his foot in it.

Definitions

Chance: The pseudonym of God when he does not want to sign.

Definitions

Wood: That remarkable material which burns so easily in a forest and with such difficulty in a fireplace.

Definitions

Looting: A public shopping spree generously sponsored by local merchants in the wake of a riot.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Crime Definitions

Atomic Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Definitions