Subject: Definitions (Page 31)

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Aardvark: In the beginning was the word. And the word was ‘Aardvark.’

Communication Definitions Language

Anatomy: A class that sounds vaguely risqué until you find out what it really involves.

Body Definitions Education School

Queen: A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled when there is not.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Government People

Falsies: Making mountains out of molehills.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Husband: Someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

Debts: The certain outcome of an uncertain income.

Definitions Money

Thrift: Common sense applied to spending.

Definitions Money

Overeat: To dine.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Eating Food/Drink Language

Alarm Clock: Something that makes people rise and whine.

Definitions Wordplay

Courtship: A man pursuing a woman until she catches him.

Dating Definitions Relationships

Christian: A man who feels repentance on a Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Yacht: A floating debt.

Definitions

Life: A sexually transmitted disease with 100% fatality rate.

Definitions Life

Budget: A schedule for going into debt systematically.

Definitions

Flood: A river too big for its bridges.

Definitions

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

Definitions Occupations

Liberal: A man who feel’s it’s his responsibility to spend a Conservative’s money.

Beliefs Definitions People

Quagmire: Any situation more easily entered into than exited from; e.g., a guerrilla war, a bad marriage or a conversation with an insurance salesman.

Definitions

Good Neighbor: One who doesn’t borrow his garden hose back too often.

Definitions

Propaganda: Patriotism as practiced by our enemies.

Communication Definitions

Accountability: The mother of caution.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions