Subject: Definitions (Page 31)

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Bargain: A transaction in which each party thinks he has cheated the other.

Definitions Shopping

Roulette: A wheel that seldom takes a turn for the bettor.

Activities Definitions Games

Castration: A eunuch experience.

Definitions Wordplay

Clairvoyant: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron, namely, that he is a blockhead.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Arson: Fire caused by friction between the insurance policy and the mortgage.

Definitions

Altar: To change through marriage.

Definitions Marriage

Birth Control: Evasion of the issue.

Definitions

Nepotism: A form of favoritism – relatively speaking.

Definitions Family

Toothache: The pain that drives you to extraction.

Definitions Health

Chef: A man with a big enough vocabulary to give the soup a different name every day.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Occupations Work

Baby: Nine months interest on a small deposit.

Children Definitions Family

False Pregnancy: Laboring under a misconception.

Definitions

Agnostic: A person who says that he knows nothing about God and, when you agree with him, he becomes angry.

Beliefs Definitions God

Budget: A schedule for going into debt systematically.

Definitions

Angler: A man who spends rainy days sitting around on the muddy banks of rivers doing nothing because his wife won’t let him do it at home.

Activities Definitions

Sidesaddle: How men, rather than women, would ride in a truly logical world.

Definitions Men Women

Compromise: A deal in which two people get what neither of them wanted.

Definitions

Xylophone: Small toy musical instrument often given as gifts to children who show their appreciation by playing the stupid thing constantly, over and over, all day long; see also "drums."

Definitions Entertainment Music

Lisp: To Call a spade a thpade.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Definitions

Osteopath: A man who works his fingers to your bones.

Definitions Doctors

Spine: A long, limber bone. Your head sets on one end and you set on the other.

Definitions