Subject: Definitions (Page 32)

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Birth Control: Evasion of the issue.

Definitions

Adolescence: The age between puberty and adultery.

Age Definitions Sex

Toast: The only thing that can be eaten or drunk.

Definitions

Fishing: A venerable contest in which modern man pits his intelligence and technology against the native wit of primitive aquatic vertebrates, and generally finishes second.

Activities Definitions

Market Correction: The day after you buy stocks.

Definitions

Double Jeopardy: When your doctor calls in a consulting physician.

Definitions Doctors Health

Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

Death Definitions

Barber: A brilliant conversationalist who cuts hair for a sideline.

Conversation Definitions Occupations

Experience: The name an older man gives to his mistakes.

Definitions Mistakes

Dictator: One who thinks he can take it – no matter to whom it belongs.

Definitions

Patron: A customer who doesn't ask prices.

Definitions

Babysitter: One who accepts hush money.

Definitions

Archaeologist: A person whose career lies in ruins.

Definitions Occupations Wordplay

Bachelor: A man who can get out of bed from either side.

Definitions Marriage Men People

Florida: God's waiting room.

Definitions Places

Tolerance: Another word for indifference.

Characteristics Definitions

Know-it-all: One who pretends to know something about everything but really knows nothing about anything.

Definitions

My definition of a redundancy is an air bag in a politician's car.

(1931– 2012) American actor, producer & director
Definitions Government Politicians

Bimbo: Any woman to whom you pay a compliment, while in the company of your wife.

Definitions Women

Take: To acquire, frequently by force but preferably by stealth.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Situations

Hero: One who is afraid to run away.

Definitions