Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Definitions
(Page 32)
View All Definitions
Dictator: One who thinks he can take it – no matter to whom it belongs.
Anonymous
Definitions
Dictator
Middle age: When a woman’s hair starts turning from gray to black.
Anonymous
Age
Appearance
Definitions
Hair
Middle age
Dentist: A collector of old magazines.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Dentist
Unimpeachable Source: The guy that started the rumor in the first place.
Anonymous
Definitions
Unimpeachable Source
Judge: A lawyer who once knew a politician.
Anonymous
Definitions
Government
Law
Judge
Dark Ages: Knight time.
Anonymous
Definitions
Dark Ages
Revolutionary: An oppressed person waiting for the opportunity to become an oppressor.
Anonymous
Definitions
Revolutionary
Honeymoon: The morning after the knot before.
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
Marriage
Honeymoons
Adolescence: That period when children feel their parents should be told the facts of life.
Anonymous
Age
Definitions
Adolescence
Groom: Least important member of wedding party, whose only duties are to show up on time, remember the ring, and try not to be drunk.
Anonymous
Definitions
Husbands
Marriage
Groom
Calculus: The branch of mathematics that is so scary it causes everybody to stop studying mathematics.
Dave Barry
(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Definitions
Science/Weather
Calculus
Mathematics
Babysitter: A teenager you hire to watch your TV.
Anonymous
Definitions
Babysitter
Freudian Slip: Foot-in-mouth disease.
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
Freudian Slip
Euphemisms: Unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne.
Anonymous
Definitions
Euphemisms
Laziness: The habit of resting before you get tired.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Definitions
Laziness
Strapless Gown: A compromise between the law of decency and the law of gravity.
Anonymous
Clothing
Definitions
Strapless Gown
Mouth: In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Language
Heart
Mouth
Soul
Epitaph: A monumental lie.
Anonymous
Death
Definitions
Epitaph
America: A land where a citizen will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, and won’t cross the street to vote in a national election.
Anonymous
America
Definitions
Places
Quality Control: The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
Anonymous
Definitions
Quality Control
Bargain Hunter: One who is often led astray by false profits.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Shopping
Bargain Hunter
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