Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Definitions
(Page 32)
View All Definitions
Elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.
Robert Heinlein
(1907 – 1988) science fiction author
Animals
Definitions
Elephant
Bra: Decoration draped by your wife over the shower curtain rod in the bathroom.
Anonymous
Clothing
Definitions
Yardstick: One foot on each side and one in the middle.
Anonymous
Definitions
Yardstick
Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.
Anonymous
Definitions
Politeness
Patriotism: The willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons dreamed up by politicians.
Anonymous
Death
Definitions
Patriotism
Makeup: Lipstick, eyeliner, blush which ironically makes Mom look better while making her young daughter look “like a tramp.”
Anonymous
Appearance
Definitions
Makeup
Ambassador: An honest man sent to lie abroad for the good of his country.
Anonymous
Definitions
Ambassador
Earthquake: A topographical error.
Anonymous
Definitions
Earthquake
Christian: One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbors.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs
Definitions
Religion
Christian
Chivalry: A man’s inclination to defend a woman against every man but himself.
Anonymous
Definitions
Chivalry
Hunch: What you call an idea that you’re afraid is wrong.
Anonymous
Definitions
Hunch
Adolescence: When a boy has reached the state when he knows why a strapless gown must be held up, but doesn’t understand how.
Anonymous
Age
Definitions
Adolescence
Altar-Boy: A type of bicycle accident.
Anonymous
Definitions
Altar-Boy
Slang: Language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work.
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
Language
Slang
Selfishness: Annoying quality of someone who has what I want, but is not prepared to give it to me.
Anonymous
Definitions
Selfishness
Spine: A long, limber bone. Your head sets on one end and you set on the other.
Anonymous
Definitions
Spine
Self-evident: Evident to one's self and to nobody else.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs
Definitions
Self-evident
Middle Age: That period in life when your idea of getting ahead is staying even.
Anonymous
Age
Definitions
Middle age
Critic: One who boasts of being “hard to please” because nobody tries to please him.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions
Occupations
Work
Critics
Senility: A cleansing of the mental blackboard shortly before class is dismissed.
Anonymous
Age
Definitions
Old
Senility
Confidence: What you have before you understand the problem.
Anonymous
Definitions
Confidence
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