Subject: Definitions (Page 32)

Dictator: One who thinks he can take it – no matter to whom it belongs.

Middle age: When a woman’s hair starts turning from gray to black.

Dentist: A collector of old magazines.

Unimpeachable Source: The guy that started the rumor in the first place.

Judge: A lawyer who once knew a politician.

Dark Ages: Knight time.

Revolutionary: An oppressed person waiting for the opportunity to become an oppressor.

Honeymoon: The morning after the knot before.

Adolescence: That period when children feel their parents should be told the facts of life.

Groom: Least important member of wedding party, whose only duties are to show up on time, remember the ring, and try not to be drunk.

Calculus: The branch of mathematics that is so scary it causes everybody to stop studying mathematics.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Babysitter: A teenager you hire to watch your TV.

Freudian Slip: Foot-in-mouth disease.

Euphemisms: Unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne.

Laziness: The habit of resting before you get tired.

Strapless Gown: A compromise between the law of decency and the law of gravity.

Mouth: In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Epitaph: A monumental lie.

America: A land where a citizen will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, and won’t cross the street to vote in a national election.

Quality Control: The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.

Bargain Hunter: One who is often led astray by false profits.