Subject: Definitions (Page 33)

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Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so you can die rich.

Definitions Money

Antique: An item your grandparents bought, your parents got rid of,  and you're buying again.

Definitions Things

Taxpayer: One who doesn’t have to pass a civil service exam to work for the government.

Definitions Government Taxes Work

Courtship: When a fellow and a girl are always trying to show how smart he is.

Definitions Relationships

Adherent: A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects to get.

Definitions People

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Emotions Language Love

Vaccine: A microbe with his face washed.

Definitions Health

Borrower: A man who tries to live within your means.

Definitions

Trick Photography: Focus pocus.

Definitions

Average: The poorest of the good and the best of the bad.

Definitions

Window: A looking-out glass.

Definitions Things

Obsolete: Any computer you own.

Computers Definitions Things

Friend: A person who listens attentively while you say nothing.

Definitions Friends People

Dentures: Two rows of artificial ivories that may be removed periodically to frighten one's grandchildren or provide accompaniment to Spanish music.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Users: Computer users are divided into three types: Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate users: people who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it. Expert users: people who break other people's computers.

Computers Definitions People Things

Defame: To lie about another. To tell the truth about another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Lies Truth

X: The signature of a happy man.

Definitions

Bookcase: A piece of furniture used in America to house bowling trophies and elvis collectibles.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Military Expert: One who tells you what’s going to happen tomorrow – then tells you why it didn’t.

Definitions Government Military

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the other.

(1870-1943) German-American politician, socialist & writer
Definitions Government Politics

Bulletin: Your receipt for attending church services.

Definitions