Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Definitions
(Page 34)
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Miracle: An event described by those to whom it was told by men who did not see it.
Elbert Hubbard
(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Definitions
Miracle
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
Anonymous
Animals
Definitions
Eating
Food/Drink
Chickens
University: A college with a stadium seating more than sixty thousand.
Anonymous
Definitions
Education
School
University
Discussion: A method of confirming others in their errors.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Language
Mistakes
People
Discussions
Insomnia: contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Sleep
Insomnia
Small Town: Where everybody is interested in what the Joneses will name the latest baby, while a big city is where they worry about what the zoo will call the new elephant.
Anonymous
Definitions
Places
Small town
Abort: To correct a misconception.
Anonymous
Definitions
Abort
Faith: Not wanting to know what is true.
Friedrich Nietzsche
(1844 – 1900) German philosopher
Beliefs
Definitions
Faith
Dawn: 1. The time when men of reason go to bed. 2. When the sun first shines on your hangover.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions
Time
Dawn
Farmer: A man who is outstanding in his field.
Anonymous
Definitions
Wordplay
Automated: A couple making love in a car.
Anonymous
Definitions
Automated
Caramel: A substance for extracting children’s teeth.
Anonymous
Definitions
Food/Drink
Caramel
Intimacy: A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions
Fools
Intimacy
Intuition: The strange instinct that tells a woman she is right whether she is or not.
Anonymous
Definitions
Women
Intuition
Good Breeding: That quality that enables a person to wait in well-mannered silence while the loudmouth gets the service.
Anonymous
Definitions
Good Breeding
Manners
Consumer: One who delights advertisers by acquiring unnecessary products.
Anonymous
Definitions
Shopping
Consumer
Users: Computer users are divided into three types: Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate users: people who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it. Expert users: people who break other people's computers.
Anonymous
Computers
Definitions
People
Things
Users
Doughnut: Holey food.
Anonymous
Definitions
Food/Drink
Doughnut
Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
Anonymous
Definitions
Dust
Delta: A river with its mouth full of mud.
Anonymous
Definitions
Delta
Rivers
Sarcasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn’t get it.
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
Sarcasm
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