Subject: Definitions (Page 34)

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Miracle: An event described by those to whom it was told by men who did not see it.  

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Definitions

Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

Animals Definitions Eating Food/Drink

University: A college with a stadium seating more than sixty thousand.

Definitions Education School

Discussion: A method of confirming others in their errors.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Mistakes People

Insomnia: contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents.

Activities Definitions Sleep

Small Town: Where everybody is interested in what the Joneses will name the latest baby, while a big city is where they worry about what the zoo will call the new elephant.

Definitions Places

Abort: To correct a misconception.

Definitions

Faith: Not wanting to know what is true.

(1844 – 1900) German philosopher
Beliefs Definitions

Dawn: 1. The time when men of reason go to bed. 2. When the sun first shines on your hangover.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Time

Farmer: A man who is outstanding in his field.

Definitions Wordplay

Automated: A couple making love in a car.

Definitions

Caramel: A substance for extracting children’s teeth.

Definitions Food/Drink

Intimacy: A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Fools

Intuition: The strange instinct that tells a woman she is right whether she is or not.

Definitions Women

Good Breeding: That quality that enables a person to wait in well-mannered silence while the loudmouth gets the service.

Definitions

Consumer: One who delights advertisers by acquiring unnecessary products.

Definitions Shopping

Users: Computer users are divided into three types: Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate users: people who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it. Expert users: people who break other people's computers.

Computers Definitions People Things

Doughnut: Holey food.

Definitions Food/Drink

Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

Definitions

Delta: A river with its mouth full of mud.

Definitions

Sarcasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn’t get it.

Communication Definitions