Subject: Definitions (Page 34)

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Abdicate: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Body Definitions

Barometer: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

Definitions Science/Weather

Business Lunch: Lunch.

Definitions Food/Drink

Expert: Any person who has tried and failed – and can tell you why.

Definitions

Motel: A love-inn.

Definitions

Refinement: The ability to yawn without opening your mouth.

Characteristics Definitions

Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Definitions

Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it.

Animals Definitions Food/Drink

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Fairway: The well-kept and seldom used portion of a golf course.

Definitions Golf Sports

Horse: An oatsmobile.

Animals Definitions

Tavern: Thirst come, thirst served.

Definitions Food/Drink

Secret: What we tell everybody to tell nobody.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions

Dating: An elaborate prelude to mating that fulfills much the same function as the sniffing ritual in dogs, but without its forthright honesty.

Dating Definitions Relationships

Antipathy: The sentiment inspired by one’s friend’s friend.

Definitions

After-Dinner Speaker: A person who only has a few words to say, but seldom stops when he has said them.

Definitions

Fettuccine Alfredo: Macaroni and cheese for adults.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink

Anatomy: A class that sounds vaguely risqué until you find out what it really involves.

Body Definitions Education School

Heredity: What a man believes in until his son begins to behave like a delinquent.

Definitions Family

Chiropractor: A doctor who works his fingers to the bone… yours.

Definitions Doctors

Lawyer: A professional advocate hired to bend the law on behalf of a paying client; for this reason considered the most suitable background for entry into politics.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Government