Subject: Definitions (Page 34)

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Honesty: The fear of being caught.

Characteristics Definitions

Scissors: A piece maker.

Definitions Things

Avoidance: A dance for people who hate each other.

Definitions

Passport: A document treacherously inflicted upon a citizen going abroad, exposing him as an alien and pointing him out for special reprobation and outrage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Definitions Individuals Things Travel

Contraceptives: What Protestants use on all conceivable occasions.

Definitions

Family Swimming Pool: A small body of water completely surrounded by other people’s children.

Definitions

Bad Driver: The person you run into.

Autos Definitions Things

Post Operative: Letter carrier

Definitions

In Mexico, we have a word for sushi… bait.

(1945 – 2008) American comedian & musician
Definitions Food/Drink Places

Statesman: A politician away from home.

Definitions Politicians

Hooker: A working woman commonly despised by people who sell themselves for even less.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Sex

Widow: A woman who knows her husband’s whereabouts at all times.

Definitions Marriage

Parenthood: Feeding the mouth that bites you.

Definitions Family Parents Wordplay

Kill: To create a vacancy without nominating a successor.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Death Definitions Killing

Photograph: A picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Art Definitions Things

Girdle: The difference between fact and figure.

Appearance Body Clothing Definitions

Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Vasectomy: Spoil the rod… spare the child.

Definitions

Bachelor: A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.

Definitions Men People Relationships

Sabbatical: A Latin word meaning, “I quit, but you won’t know it for certain for a year.”

Definitions

Civilization: A process whereby one generation finds the questions to the previous generation’s answers.

Definitions