Subject: Definitions (Page 34)

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Kiss: A course of procedure, cunningly devised, for the mutual stoppage of conversation when words are superfluous.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Definitions

Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.

Definitions

Stock Market: A popular game of chance in which moneyed speculators gamble with the nation’s economy, the object being to amass as much unearned income as possible before one’s fellow gamblers withdraw from the game and precipitate a nationwide depression.

Definitions Money

Learned Fool: One who has read everything, and simply remembered it.

Definitions Intelligence

Lawyer: Men whom we hire to protect us from lawyers.

Definitions Lawyers

Defame: To lie about another. To tell the truth about another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Lies Truth

Freelance: To collect unemployment.

Definitions Work

Sewing Circle: Where friendship hangs by a thread.

Definitions Friends Wordplay

Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Age Definitions Food/Drink Health Old

Humility: The ability to act ashamed when you tell people how wonderful you are.

Definitions

Age: The time when everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.

Age Definitions Old

Drama Critic: A person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.

Definitions Occupations Reviews/Criticism

Union: A dues-paying club workers wield to strike management.

Definitions Work

Niagara Falls: The bride’s second great disappointment.

Definitions Places Sex

Liberal: A man who feel’s it’s his responsibility to spend a Conservative’s money.

Beliefs Definitions People

Agent: Someone who believes an actor takes 85 percent of his money.

Acting Definitions Entertainment

American Way: Using instant coffee to dawdle away an hour.

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Cloud: What’s in front of every silver lining.

Definitions

Kleptomaniac: A thief with breeding.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Crime Definitions

Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.

Definitions

Epitaph: An inscription which hopes that virtues acquired by death will have a retroactive effect.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions