Subject: Definitions (Page 35)

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Death – to blink for an exceptionally long period of time.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Death Definitions

Yawn: Opening one’s mouth and wishing that others would close theirs.

Definitions

Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to people better than you are.

Definitions Family People

Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

Definitions Marriage

Parents: One of the hardships of a minor’s life.

Definitions Family Parents

Underwater Swimmer: One who practices submersive activitites.

Activities Definitions

Callous: Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.

Characteristics Definitions

Lawyer: One skilled in circumvention of the law.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Law

Childhood: The rapidly shrinking interval between infancy and first arrest on a drug or weapons charge.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Government Language Law

Retraction: The revision of an insult to give it wider circulation.

Definitions Insults

Baby: Morning caller, noonday crawler, midnight bawler.

Children Definitions Family

Insurance: A form of gambling in which we bet our chance of escaping disaster, and win only when we lose.

Definitions

Amusement Park: A walled city populated mainly by teenagers, who willingly pay to have their bodies and brains agitated on a variety of fiendish contraptions designed to induce vomiting.

Definitions

Democracy: A system whereby the person who never votes can cuss out the man the other people elected.

Definitions Democracy Elections/Voting Government

Claustrophobia: The fear of Santa Claus.

Definitions

Life: A play with a lousy third act.

Definitions Life

Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

Definitions

Egotist: A conceited ass who thinks he knows as much as you do.

Definitions Intelligence People Self

Disc Jockey: A guy who lives on spins and needles.

Definitions Occupations

Newlywed: What you and your spouse will officially be considered until your first anniversary, or until you go an entire week without sex (whichever comes first).

Definitions Marriage