Subject: Definitions (Page 35)

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Truthful: Dumb and illiterate.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions Honesty

Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting.

Definitions Marriage

Pacifist: A fellow who could attend a peace conference without getting into a fight.

Conflict Definitions Fights People

Weed: A plant whose virtues have not been discovered.

Definitions

Diet: Something you keep putting off while you keep putting on.

Definitions Food/Drink

Diamond: A woman’s idea of a stepping stone to success.

Definitions Things

Shoplifter: A person with a gift of grab.

Conflict Crime Definitions

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time; the man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Activities Definitions

Vacuum Cleaner: A sonic broom.

Definitions Things

Genetic Engineering: Tampering with chromosomes so that science might develop a new miracle cure or a rabbit that plays the banjo. –

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Science/Weather

Free Verse: Verse written without rhyme or reason.

Definitions Reading/Writing

Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Self

Accountant: Someone hired to explain that you didn’t make the money you did.

Definitions Occupations

Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

Definitions Marriage

Monarch: A king with a good publicity man.

Definitions

Sewing Circle: Where friendship hangs by a thread.

Definitions Friends Wordplay

Disinheritance: Heir cut.

Definitions

Kilt: A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
America Clothing Definitions Places

Disc Jockey: A guy who lives on spins and needles.

Definitions Occupations

Abasement: A decent and customary mental attitude in the presence of wealth and power.

Definitions

House: Domicile purchased by married couples so they have some place to pour all their money.

Definitions