Subject: Definitions (Page 35)

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Penis: The male organ used to write one’s name in snow.

Body Definitions Men

Youth: The first fifty years of your life… the first twenty of anyone else’s.

Age Definitions Young

Diaper: A changeable seat cover.

Definitions

Cravings: An excuse to gluttonize your way through pregnancy.

Definitions

Liberal: Someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

Artist’s Model: A girl unsuited for her work.

Definitions

Hook: Irritating but highly reliable device used to quickly locate the position of one’s thumb at the bottom of a tackle box.

Activities Definitions

Egotist: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

Definitions

Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar.

Autos Definitions Things

Efficiency is intelligent laziness.

New Zealand writer
Definitions

Amateur Athlete: An athlete who is paid in cash, not by check..

Definitions

X Chromosome: Sex chromosome responsible for the desire of dust ruffles, pillow shams, potpourris soap operas and ballroom dancing.

Definitions People Women

Clique: A group of insiders who greet outsiders with their backsides; a closed circle of asses.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions People

Spouse: Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

Definitions Marriage

American Idealism: Being willing to make any sacrifice that won’t hurt business.

Definitions

Ultimatum: In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.

Definitions

Ability: What will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.

Definitions

Truck Driver: A man who has the opportunity to run into so many nice people.

Definitions Occupations

Afterthought: A tardy sense of prudence that prompts one to try to shut his mouth about the time he has put his foot in it.

Definitions

Boss: A personal dictator appointed to those of us fortunate enough to live in free societies.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

Accountant: One who uses your books to figure his profit.

Definitions Occupations