Subject: Definitions (Page 35)

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Antique: An item your grandparents bought, your parents got rid of,  and you're buying again.

Definitions Things

Alcatraz: A pen with a lifetime guarantee.

Definitions Wordplay

Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.

Definitions

Egotism: An anesthetic that nature gives to a man to deaden the pain of being a darn fool.

Definitions

Psychology: The science that tells you what you already know in words you can’t understand.

Definitions Science/Weather

Diaper: A bum wrap.

Definitions

Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Death Definitions

Accordion: An instrument whose music is long drawn out.

Definitions Entertainment Music Things

Impotence: Emission impossible.

Definitions Sex

Vice: A function to keep virtue within reasonable bounds.

Definitions

Fanatic: A man who does what God would do – if He only had the facts straight.

Definitions

Diet: Something to take the starch out of you.

Definitions Eating Food/Drink

Boat: A hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one pours money.

Definitions Things

Farmer: The only man who can lose money every year, live well, educate his children, and then die rich.

Definitions

Author: A writer with connections in the publishing industry.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Occupations Work

Ambidextrous: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Gardening: Man’s effort to improve his lot.

Activities Definitions

Laziness: The habit of resting before you get tired.

Characteristics Definitions

Tact: The ability to describe others as they see themselves.

Definitions

Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Things

Guest towel: A small square of non-absorbent fabric surrounded by waterproof embroidery.

Definitions Things