Subject: Definitions (Page 35)

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Luxury Resort: One where a waiter expects a $2 tip when he presents a $6 bill for serving a $3.50 bottle of beer.

Definitions

Cardiology: The study of poker playing.

Activities Definitions

Gourmet: A food fetishist.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Occupations

Pocket Watch: A watch for people who don’t like having time on their hands.

Definitions Time

Vaccination: An ouch of prevention.

Definitions Health

Intimacy: The first step toward parenthood.

Definitions

America: A land where a citizen will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, and won’t cross the street to vote in a national election.

America Definitions Places

Billboards: Litter on a stick.

Definitions

Alarm Clock: That which scares the daylight out of you.

Definitions Wordplay

Amen: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

Definitions

Freelance: To collect unemployment.

Definitions Work

Communism: Liberation of the people from the burdens of liberty.

Definitions Government

Accountant: Someone hired to explain that you didn’t make the money you did.

Definitions Occupations

Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.

Definitions

Window Shopping: Eye browsing.

Activities Definitions Shopping

Baby: Nine months interest on a small deposit.

Children Definitions Family

Minister: A travel agent for the straight and narrow.

Definitions

Racehorse: A barn athlete.

Animals Definitions Wordplay

Sales Resistance: The triumph of mind over patter.

Definitions

Gifted Children: Unfortunate tykes who lack the good sense to hide their talents from overly ambitious parents.

Definitions Family

Absurdity: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Opinion