Subject: Definitions (Page 36)

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Martial Arts: A family of Asiatic self-defense disciplines consisting largely of sweeping ornamental gestures of the arms and legs – amusing to look at but disappointingly ineffective when one’s opponent is armed with a semi-automatic.

Definitions

Ingrate: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.

Definitions People

Liberal: A man with his mind open at both ends.

Beliefs Definitions People

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

Definitions Occupations

Interpreter: One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter’s advantage for the other to have said.

Communication Definitions Language

Gigolo: A fee-male.

Definitions Wordplay

American: One who gets mad when a foreigner curses the institutions he curses.

America Definitions Places

Telephone: A contrivance for letting us talk to people whom we don’t want to meet.

Definitions Things

Twins: Infant replay.

Children Definitions Family

If it’s sent by ship then it’s a cargo, if it’s sent by road then it’s a shipment.

(1936 – 2005) Irish comedian
Communication Definitions Language

Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offense.

Definitions

Bride: A gal who puts her foot down as soon as her new husband has carried her over the threshold.

Definitions Marriage Wives

Sound Sleeper: Someone who snores.

Activities Definitions Sleep

Oar: Clumsy wooden implement used to moisten boat occupants.

Definitions Things

Bargain Hunter: One who is often led astray by false profits.

Activities Definitions Shopping

Makeup: What it takes to look natural.

Appearance Definitions

Shakespeare: A man whose writings are so excellent it’s believed someone else must have written them.

Definitions

Connoisseur: One who attains an obsessive knowledge of wines, audio equipment, cats or French cheeses so as to confer a sense of inadequacy on those who would simply enjoy them.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

Definitions Mistakes

Ad Hoc: Pawn shop advertisement.

Definitions

Future: That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Future Time