Subject: Definitions (Page 36)

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Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two being goulash and squid.

Definitions Food/Drink

Lemonade Stand: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of fifteen cents.

Definitions

Kleptomaniac: A thief with breeding.

Definitions

Enema: Not a friend.

Definitions

Fanatic: A man who does what God would do – if He only had the facts straight.

Definitions

Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

Definitions Marriage

Alimony: Bounty after the mutiny.

typographer
Definitions Marriage

Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Definitions

Temptation: Something which, when resisted, gives happiness and which, when yielded to, gives even greater happiness.

Definitions

Statistician: A person who believes that if you put your head in a furnace and your feet in a bucket of iced water, on the average you should feel reasonably comfortable.

Definitions Occupations

Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language Self

Statistician: A man who believes figures don’t lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won’t stand up either.

Definitions Occupations

Breeding: Concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

Definitions

Defame: To lie about another. To tell the truth about another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Lies Truth

Vacation: A period during which people find out where to stay away from next year.

Definitions

Aardvark: In the beginning was the word. And the word was ‘Aardvark.’

Communication Definitions Language

Lawsuit: A contest generally won by the party that can afford to reimburse the lawyers on both sides of the dispute.

Definitions Law Lawyers

Virtue: Lack of opportunity.

Characteristics Definitions

Apologize: To repeat an insult with variations.

Definitions

Friend: A person who listens attentively while you say nothing.

Definitions Friends People