Subject: Definitions (Page 36)

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Troops: Expendable bodies sent by the government to stop bullets during obscure foreign uprisings.

Definitions Military

Chicken: An egg factory.

Animals Definitions

Archbishop: An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.

Definitions Religion

Father: A guy who is working his child’s way through college.

Definitions Family Fathers

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Definitions

Good Neighbor: A fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn’t climb it.

Definitions

Umbrella: A movable roof.

Definitions Things

Secret: Information you tell to one person at a time.

Definitions

Virtue: Insufficient temptation.

Characteristics Definitions

Orthodox: Bone doctors.

Definitions Doctors

Delaware: A state that has three counties when the tide is out, and two when it is in.

(1833 – 1900) American politician
Definitions

Age: The time when everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.

Age Definitions Old

Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language

Hors d'oeuvres: A sandwich cut into 20 pieces.

Definitions Food/Drink

Strapless Gown: A compromise between the law of decency and the law of gravity.

Clothing Definitions

Makeup: What it takes to look natural.

Appearance Definitions

Neighbors: People who live near you, who are never around when you need to borrow power tools or jumper cables, but who are everywhere when you are having a heated argument with your spouse.

Definitions People

Fishing License: Permit issued upon payment of a modest fee that allows fishermen to lose lures in a specified area.

Activities Definitions

Kilt: A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
America Clothing Definitions Places

Specialist: A man who knows more and more about less and less.

Definitions

Life: Coming into the world wit nothing, leaving with nothing and, in between, giving everything to the IRS.

Definitions Life Taxes