Subject: Definitions (Page 39)

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Breeding: Concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

Definitions

Prophylactic: A rubber check.

Definitions

Great Timesaver: Love at first sight.

Definitions

Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offense.

Definitions

Oratory: The art of making deep noises from the chest sound like important messages from the brain.

Communication Definitions Speech

Vote: The instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Elections/Voting Government

Current Events: Electric shocks.

Definitions

Opportunity: A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions

Virtue: Lack of opportunity.

Characteristics Definitions

Heirloom: Some old thing nobody liked well enough to wear out.

Definitions Things

Tips: Wages we pay other people’s help.

Definitions

Amnesty: The state’s magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.

Definitions

Scriptures: The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Wife: A former sweetheart.

Definitions Marriage

Opening night: The night before the play is ready to open.

(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor
Definitions

Abbreviation: An inordinately long word in light of its meaning.

Communication Definitions Language

Baby: An alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no responsibility at the other.

Definitions Family

Pessimist: Someone who burns their bridges before they get to them.

Definitions

e-mail: An advertising medium which is misused for personal messaging.

Communication Definitions

Consultant: A jobless person who shows executives how to work.

Definitions

Self-evident: Evident to one's self and to nobody else.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions