Subject: Definitions (Page 39)

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Genealogy: An account of one’s descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Family Past

Charm: The ability to make someone think that both of you are wonderful.

Characteristics Definitions

Forger: The man who gives a check a bad name.

Definitions

Babysitter: A teenager you hire to watch your TV.

Definitions

Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

News: The same thing happening today that happened yesterday, but to different people.

Definitions

Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Users: Computer users are divided into three types: Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate users: people who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it. Expert users: people who break other people's computers.

Computers Definitions People Things

Spilt Milk: Udder waste.

Definitions Food/Drink Wordplay

Opportunist: A person who, finding himself in hot water, decides he needs a bath anyway.

Definitions Situations

Waiter: A guy who believes money grows on a tray.

Definitions Occupations Work

Defame: To lie about another. To tell the truth about another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Lies Truth

Wig: A convertible top.

Appearance Definitions Hair

Key Ring: A handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.

Definitions Things

Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No Hard Feelings.”

Definitions Sex

Nurses: Patient people.

Definitions Health Occupations

Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar.

Autos Definitions Things

Love: Oceans of emotions surrounded by expanses of expenses.

Definitions Emotions Love

Court Of Law: A place where a suit is pressed and a man maybe taken to the cleaners.

Definitions Law

Bliss: Having no idea what is really happening.

Definitions

Businessman: One who could have made more money with less trouble in an easier line.

Definitions Occupations