Subject: Definitions (Page 4)

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Vacation: Where you take the family to get away from it all, only to find it there, too.

Definitions

Strip Poker: A game in which the more you lose the more you have to show for it.

Activities Definitions

Percussive Maintenance: Striking a recalcitrant piece of electronic hardware in order to facilitate a successful reboot, and repeating as necessary.

Definitions Failure Problems Things

Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Definitions Money

Famous Last Words: “This is easy.”

Death Definitions

Sunburn: Getting what you basked for.

Definitions

Quickie: No sooner spread than done.

Definitions Sex

Sympathy: What one woman offers another in exchange for details.

Definitions

Good Neighbor: One who doesn’t borrow his garden hose back too often.

Definitions

Chaperoning: A spectator spoil-sport.

Definitions

Calendar: An attempt, underwritten by the principal religions, to make the heavenly bodies keep regular hours.

Definitions

Rite: A religious or semi-religious ceremony fixed by law, precept or custom, with the essential oil of sincerity carefully squeezed out of it.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions

American Idealism: Being willing to make any sacrifice that won’t hurt business.

Definitions

Innocent Bystander: A person so simple-minded he doesn’t know enough to get out of the way.

Definitions

Dictator: One who thinks he can take it – no matter to whom it belongs.

Definitions

Scholarly Debate: Feud for thought.

Communication Definitions

Manners: Noises you don’t make when eating soup.

Definitions

Life: A continuous series of disasters which result in one’s death.

Death Definitions Life

Strapless Gown: A compromise between the law of decency and the law of gravity.

Clothing Definitions

Tax Reform: Taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven’t been taxed before.

Definitions Government Taxes

Domestic Harmony: Music produced only if the husband plays second fiddle.

Definitions Marriage