Subject: Definitions (Page 40)

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Dictator: A self-madman.

Definitions

Fairy Tale: A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.

Definitions

Doubles: Tennis game played by athletic couples who wish to burn a few calories while arguing.

Definitions Sports

Juvenile Delinquents: Other people’s children.

Definitions

Grandmother: A babysitter who doesn’t hang around the refrigerator.

Definitions Family

Golf: A long walk broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.

Definitions Golf Sports

Punctuality: Waiting around for other people.

Definitions

Groom: Least important member of wedding party, whose only duties are to show up on time, remember the ring, and try not to be drunk.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

Disrespect: Giving someone half of the peace sign without suggesting they’re number one.

Definitions

Lisp: To Call a spade a thpade.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Definitions

Manicurist: A girl who makes money hand over fist.

Definitions Occupations Work

Autobiography: An I-witness account

Books Communication Definitions People Self

Accomplice: One who lacks brains as well as honesty.

Definitions

Diet: selection of foods for people who are thick and tired of it.

Definitions Food/Drink

Hangover: The moaning after the night before.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink Health

Waffle: A pancake with a nonskid tread.

Definitions Food/Drink

Consumer: One who delights advertisers by acquiring unnecessary products.

Definitions Shopping

Umbrella: A movable roof.

Definitions Things

Dentures: Two rows of artificial ivories that may be removed periodically to frighten one's grandchildren or provide accompaniment to Spanish music.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Accountant: Someone hired to explain that you didn’t make the money you did.

Definitions Occupations

Epitaph: A monumental lie.

Death Definitions