Subject: Definitions (Page 40)

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Ingrate: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.

Definitions People

Cemetery: A place people are dying to get into.

Definitions

Small Town: A place where nothing happens every minute.

Definitions Places

Diet: A brief period of starvation followed by a gain of five pounds.

Definitions Food/Drink

Alimony: The high cost of leaving.

Definitions Marriage

Baker: A person who kneads the dough.

Definitions Occupations

Winter: The time of year when it gets later earlier.

Definitions Science/Weather

Dentures: Two rows of artificial ivories that may be removed periodically to frighten one's grandchildren or provide accompaniment to Spanish music.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion

Skeleton: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

Body Definitions

Positive Thinking: self-improvement through self-deception.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Intelligence

Slogan: A good old American substitute for the facts.

Definitions

Scotsman: A man who, before sending his pajamas to the laundry, stuffs a sock in each pocket.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Frugal Money People

Newborn Baby: Fresh heir.

Definitions

I.O.U.: A type of paper wait.

Definitions

Statistician: A person who can draw a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. 

Definitions Occupations Science/Weather

Tact: The art of knowing how far one may go too far.

Communication Definitions

Bore: A person who has nothing to say and says it.

Definitions

Ultimatum: In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.

Definitions

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Communication Definitions Reading/Writing

Impossible: What nobody can do until somebody does it.

Definitions