Subject: Definitions (Page 41)

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Puttering: Woman’s word for man’s work.

Definitions

Armor: The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

Clothing Definitions

Anatomy: The belly of a very small insect.

Definitions Wordplay

Scriptures: The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

College: A four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.

Definitions Education School

Hamper: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but not containing, dirty clothing.

Clothing Definitions

Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.

Definitions Eating Food/Drink

Punctuality: The art of arriving for an appointment just in time to be indignant at the tardiness of the other party.

Definitions Time

Alarm Clock: Something that makes people rise and whine.

Definitions Wordplay

Gigolo: A fee-male.

Definitions Wordplay

Will: A dead giveaway.

Death Definitions

Archive: Where the two bees stayed after Noah brought them aboard.

Definitions

Alimony: The fee a woman charges for name-dropping.

Definitions Marriage

Obituary: A final summation of our lives that, for most of us, occupies about three inches of space in what will shortly become cage liner for our neighbor’s parakeet.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Death Definitions

Election: When the air is full of speeches and vice versa

Communication Definitions Elections/Voting Government Speech

Female: One who believes if you charge it, it’s not spending, and if you add a cherry to it, it’s not intoxicating.

Definitions People

Road: A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Autos Definitions Things Travel

Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Death Definitions

Cavity: Empty space ready to be stuffed with dentist’s bills.

Definitions

Dime: A dollar with all the taxes taken out.

Definitions Money

Plagiarize: To take the thought or style of another writer whom one has never, never read.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Reading/Writing