Subject: Definitions (Page 41)

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Obsolete: Any computer you own.

Computers Definitions Things

Unemployment: The usual alternative to overwork.

Definitions Work

Zigzag: The shortest distance between two drinks.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

Diplomat: Someone who can lose all the points and still win the game.

Definitions

Quiet: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.

Children Definitions Family

Alarm clock: An instrument used to wake up people who have no kids.

Children Definitions Family Things

Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Individuals Language

Shyster: The other fellow’s lawyer.

Definitions Lawyers

Wedding: A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Marriage People

I guess the definition of a lunatic is a man surrounded by them.

(1885 – 1972) expatriate American poet & critic
Definitions Intelligence People

Callous: Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.

Characteristics Definitions

Optimist: Someone who tells you to cheer up when things are going his way.

Definitions

Punctuality: The art of guessing correctly how late the other party is going to be.

Definitions Time

Acoustic: An instrument used in shooting pool.

Definitions

Mason-Dixon Line: A geographical division between “you all” and “youse guys.”

Definitions Places

Toupée: Top secret.

Appearance Definitions Hair

Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Computers Definitions Things

Suburbia: Where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them.

Definitions Places

Boy: A noise with dirt on it.

Definitions People

Small Town: A place where everybody knows the troubles you’ve seen.

Definitions Places

Experience: Something you don’t get until just after you needed it.

Definitions