Subject: Definitions (Page 41)

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An allowance is what you pay your children to live with you.

Children Definitions Family

Cemetery: An isolated spot, usually in a suburb, where mourners swap lies.

Definitions

Yankee: The same as a quickie, but you can do it by yourself.

Definitions

Wedding: A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Marriage People

Culture: The visible evidence of a tribe of bacteria, as observed by microbiologists or cynics.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

X-Ray: A diagnostic tool used to detect existing cancerous growths and create new ones for future examinations to reveal.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Health

Liposuction: A surgical procedure from which the patient emerges significantly lighter in both pounds and dollars.

Appearance Body Definitions Health

Infant Prodigies: Young people with highly imaginative parents.

Children Definitions Family

Business: Something which, if you don’t have any, you go out of.

Definitions

Dictatorship: A system of government where everything that isn’t forbidden is obligatory.

Definitions Government

Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors.

Computers Definitions Things

Credit: A commodity that becomes better the less it is used.

Definitions

Executive Suite: A sugar daddy.

Definitions

Pain: An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions Intelligence Mind

Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offense.

Definitions

Voting: A process of standing in line for the opportunity to help decide which party will spend your money.

Definitions

Statistician: A person who believes that if you put your head in a furnace and your feet in a bucket of iced water, on the average you should feel reasonably comfortable.

Definitions Occupations

Vice: A function to keep virtue within reasonable bounds.

Definitions

Virtue: Insufficient temptation.

Characteristics Definitions

Detour: The roughest distance between two points.

Activities Definitions Travel

Bikini: Baiting Suit.

Clothing Definitions