Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Definitions
(Page 41)
View All Definitions
Puttering: Woman’s word for man’s work.
Anonymous
Definitions
Puttering
Armor: The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
Anonymous
Clothing
Definitions
Armor
Anatomy: The belly of a very small insect.
Anonymous
Definitions
Wordplay
Anatomy
Scriptures: The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs
Definitions
Religion
Scriptures
College: A four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.
Anonymous
Definitions
Education
School
College: A four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.
Hamper: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but not containing, dirty clothing.
Anonymous
Clothing
Definitions
Hamper
Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.
Anonymous
Definitions
Eating
Food/Drink
Fiber
Punctuality: The art of arriving for an appointment just in time to be indignant at the tardiness of the other party.
Anonymous
Definitions
Time
Punctuality
Alarm Clock: Something that makes people rise and whine.
Anonymous
Definitions
Wordplay
Alarm clock
Gigolo: A fee-male.
Anonymous
Definitions
Wordplay
Will: A dead giveaway.
Anonymous
Death
Definitions
Will
Archive: Where the two bees stayed after Noah brought them aboard.
Anonymous
Definitions
Archive
Alimony: The fee a woman charges for name-dropping.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Alimony
Obituary: A final summation of our lives that, for most of us, occupies about three inches of space in what will shortly become cage liner for our neighbor’s parakeet.
Rick Bayan
(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Death
Definitions
Obituary
Election: When the air is full of speeches and vice versa
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
Elections/Voting
Government
Speech
Female: One who believes if you charge it, it’s not spending, and if you add a cherry to it, it’s not intoxicating.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Female
Road: A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities
Autos
Definitions
Things
Travel
Road
Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Death
Definitions
Grave
Cavity: Empty space ready to be stuffed with dentist’s bills.
Anonymous
Definitions
Cavity
Dentists
Dime: A dollar with all the taxes taken out.
Anonymous
Definitions
Money
Dime
Plagiarize: To take the thought or style of another writer whom one has never, never read.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Language
Reading/Writing
Plagiarize
Theft
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