Subject: Definitions (Page 42)

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Candidate: A person who asks for money from the wealthy and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government

Bank Robber: A guy who gets alarmed easily.

Definitions

Telemarketer: A minimum waged person who calls a bunch of people on a list to sell them something that they probably don’t need, and gets hung up on because the person being called usually has a mouth full of food.

Definitions Occupations

Hey, watch this!

Death Definitions Last words

Family Swimming Pool: A small body of water completely surrounded by other people’s children.

Definitions

Virtue: Lack of opportunity.

Characteristics Definitions

Twins: Womb-mates.

Definitions

Wig: A convertible top.

Appearance Definitions Hair

Fable: A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew.

Definitions

Liberal: One who tolerates all beliefs and opinions except those with which he disagrees.

Beliefs Definitions

Stomach: The home of the swallow.

Definitions

Mouth: In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Apple: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.

Definitions Food/Drink

Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offence.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Heir Fare: Executor’s fee.

Definitions Wordplay

Diplomat: A fellow who prefers ironing out his differences to flattening his opponent.

Definitions

Education: A progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Definitions Education

Anatomy: The belly of a very small insect.

Definitions Wordplay

Philosopher: One who, instead of crying over spilt milk, consoles himself with the thought that it was over four-fifths water.

Definitions Occupations

Doughnut: Holey food.

Definitions Food/Drink

Anoint: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.

Definitions