Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
Home
About
Categories
Activities
Age
Animals
Appearance
Beliefs
Characteristics
Communication
Conflict
Death
Education
Emotions
Entertainment
Family
Food/Drink
Government
Health
Intelligence
Life
Marriage
Miscellaneous
Money
People
Places
Problems
Relationships
Science/Weather
Sex
Situations
Sports
Success
Things
Time
Work
Additional Categories
Book Titles
Confucius say
Definitions
Epitaphs
Exaggerations
Expressions
Hollywood Squares
Insults
Last Words
Murphy's Laws
Place Names
Proverbs
Reviews/Criticism
Song Titles
Tom Swifties
TV/Movie Quotes
Oops...
Bushisms
Church Bulletins
Classified Ads
Colemanballs
Headlines
Malaprops
Misspokements
Signs
Translations
Yogi-isms
Some Popular Authors
Abraham Lincoln
Alfred E. Neuman
Ambrose Bierce
Benjamin Franklin
Dave Barry
Demetri Martin
Dorothy Parker
Emo Phillips
George Carlin
Groucho Marx
H.L. Mencken
Homer Simpson
Jeff Foxworthy
Jimmy Carr
Joan Rivers
Mae West
Mark Twain
Mitch Hedberg
Oscar Wilde
Phyllis Diller
Richard Lewis
Rita Rudner
Rodney Dangerfield
Steven Wright
Stewart Francis
W.C. Fields
Will Rogers
Woody Allen
View All Authors
Subject:
Definitions
(Page 42)
View All Definitions
Calculus: The branch of mathematics that is so scary it causes everybody to stop studying mathematics.
Dave Barry
(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Definitions
Science/Weather
Calculus
Mathematics
Conservative: A liberal who has just been mugged.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Definitions
Conservative
Liberal
Wind: Weather on the go.
Anonymous
Definitions
Science/Weather
Wind
Aground: When a boat makes the discovery that all water has land under it.
Anonymous
Definitions
Aground
Boats
Brain: The apparatus with which we think we think.
Anonymous
Body
Definitions
Brain
Consult: To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Language
Approval
Consult
Rummage Sale: Where you buy stuff from somebody else’s attic to store in your own.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Shopping
Things
Rummage Sale
Childhood: The rapidly shrinking interval between infancy and first arrest on a drug or weapons charge.
Rick Bayan
(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions
Childhood
Elector: One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man’s choice.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Elections/Voting
Government
Language
Elector
X: The signature of a happy man.
Anonymous
Definitions
Signature
X
Short Vacation: Half a loaf.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Short Vacation
Dieting: The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.
Anonymous
Definitions
Food/Drink
Dieting
Makeup: Lipstick, eyeliner, blush which ironically makes Mom look better while making her young daughter look “like a tramp.”
Anonymous
Appearance
Definitions
Makeup
Wrinkles: Something other people have… you have character lines.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Definitions
Wrinkles
Bigamist: A man who marries a beautiful girl and a good cook.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Wives
Bigamist
Electrocution: Burning at the stake with all modern improvements.
Anonymous
Death
Definitions
Electrocution
Price: Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions
Money
Conscience
Price
Value
Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man’s head.
Anonymous
Definitions
Food/Drink
Cabbage
Vegetables
Summer Camps: Those places where little boys go for mother’s vacation.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Summer Camps
Testosterone: Hormone which causes facial hair, muscularity, a deep voice, speeding tickets, the desire to watch professional wrestling, Arnold Shwarzenegger movies, war, fist fights, and the need to purchase cocktails for women with names like “
Boom Boom.
”
Anonymous
Definitions
Men
Testosterone
Caramel: A substance for extracting children’s teeth.
Anonymous
Definitions
Food/Drink
Caramel
Page 42 of 78
« First
« Previous
40
41
42
43
44
Next »
Last »