Subject: Definitions (Page 42)

View All Definitions

Psychology: The science that tells you what you already know in words you can’t understand.

Definitions Science/Weather

Sex: The formula by which one and one makes three.

Definitions Sex

Patron: A customer who doesn't ask prices.

Definitions

Advice: A commodity peddled by your lawyer and given away by your mother-in-law, but impossible to dispose of yourself. Famous as the one thing which it is “More blessed to give than receive.”

Definitions

Budget: Telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went.

Definitions

Summer camp is where the parents spend a thousand dollars so their daughter can learn to make a fifty-cent potholder.

Definitions Places

Grandmother: A babysitter who doesn’t hang around the refrigerator.

Definitions Family

Air Travel: Seeing less and less of more and more.

Activities Definitions

Abbreviation: Long word with, ironically, no obvious shorter alternative.

British writer, cartoonist, poet & performer
Definitions Language Reading/Writing

Daughter: A person who Dad likes because she reminds him why he married his wife, and who Mom is afraid of because she reminds her of why her husband married her.

Definitions Family

Home: A place where man goes to raise a fuss because something went wrong at the office.

Definitions Places

Profanity: The father tongue.

Communication Definitions Language Speech

Organic Farm: Tilling like it is.

Definitions

Hey, watch this!

Death Definitions Last words

Petting: The study of anatomy in braille.

Definitions Sex

Honeymoon: The vacation a man takes before starting to work for a new boss.

Definitions Marriage

Fanatic: One who, having lost sight of his goal, redoubles his efforts.

Definitions People

Sidesaddle: How men, rather than women, would ride in a truly logical world.

Definitions Men Women

Poise: The act of raising the eyebrows instead of the roof.

Definitions

Armor: The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Clothing Communication Definitions Language

Hindsight: What one experiences from changing too many diapers.

Definitions