Subject: Definitions (Page 43)

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Bachelor: A man who has faults he doesn’t know about.

Definitions Men People

Wedding: A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Marriage People

Belly: The veranda over the toy shop.

Appearance Body Definitions

Egotist: A conceited ass who thinks he knows as much as you do.

Definitions Intelligence People Self

Ventriloquist: A man with a dummy who always talks to himself.

Definitions

University: A college with a stadium seating more than sixty thousand.

Definitions Education School

Gardener: Someone who thinks that what goes down must come up.

Definitions

Truthful: Dumb and illiterate.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions Honesty

Atrophy: An award given to those who do not exercise.

Activities Definitions

Ambition: Goaled rush.

Definitions

Parents: The one thing children wear out faster than shoes.

Definitions Family Parents

Childhood: The rapidly shrinking interval between infancy and first arrest on a drug or weapons charge.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Savages: People who don’t know what is wrong until missionaries show them.

Definitions People

Honesty: The fear of being caught.

Characteristics Definitions

Director: The one who always faces the music.

Definitions Music

Originality: Undetected plagiarism.

Definitions

Litigant: A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Government Law

Financial Wizard: A person who can earn money faster than the family can spend it.

Definitions Money

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.

Definitions

Lawsuit: A contest generally won by the party that can afford to reimburse the lawyers on both sides of the dispute.

Definitions Law Lawyers

Urinal: The one place where all men are peers.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Men