Subject: Definitions (Page 43)

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Dog Pound: A used cur lot.

Definitions

After-Dinner Speaker: A person who only has a few words to say, but seldom stops when he has said them.

Definitions

Unabated: A fishhook without a worm.

Definitions

Retraction: The revision of an insult to give it wider circulation.

Definitions Insults

Hypochondriac: One who can’t leave well-enough alone.

Definitions Health

Lecture: A process by which the notes of the professor become the notes of the student, without passing through the minds of either.

Definitions Education School

Hero: One who is afraid to run away.

Definitions

Rear: In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Congress Definitions Military

Tavern: Thirst come, thirst served.

Definitions Food/Drink

Testosterone: Hormone which causes facial hair, muscularity, a deep voice, speeding tickets, the desire to watch professional wrestling, Arnold Shwarzenegger movies, war, fist fights, and the need to purchase cocktails for women with names like “Boom Boom. ”

Definitions Men

Polygamy – the art of  parrot-folding.

comic actor-writer
Communication Definitions Wordplay

Delayed Payment: A tourniquet applied at the pockets.

Definitions Money

Diet: selection of foods for people who are thick and tired of it.

Definitions Food/Drink

Garden: Something that dies if you don’t water it, and rots if you do.

Definitions

X Chromosome: Sex chromosome responsible for the desire of dust ruffles, pillow shams, potpourris soap operas and ballroom dancing.

Definitions People Women

Neurotic: A person who, when you ask how she is, tells you.

Definitions People

VD: The gift that keeps on giving.

Definitions Health

Counsel: Advice with a price tag.

Definitions

Gifted Children: Unfortunate tykes who lack the good sense to hide their talents from overly ambitious parents.

Definitions Family

Budget: Telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went.

Definitions

Philanthropist: A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Wealth