Subject: Definitions (Page 43)

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Doctor: Someone who practices medicine but charges as if he knew.

Definitions Doctors Health

Cold: An ailment cured in two weeks with a doctor’s care, and in fourteen days without it.

Definitions Doctors Health

Sidesaddle: How men, rather than women, would ride in a truly logical world.

Definitions Men Women

Poise: The act of raising the eyebrows instead of the roof.

Definitions

Liberal: Someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the other.

(1870-1943) German-American politician, socialist & writer
Definitions Government Politics

Diplomacy: The art of letting someone else have your own way.

Definitions

Discussion: A method of confirming others in their errors.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Mistakes People

Science Fiction: Fairy tales for nerds.

Communication Definitions Science/Weather

Center Of Mass: The Priest.

Definitions

Weed: A plant whose virtues have not been discovered.

Definitions

Auditor: A person who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded.

Definitions Occupations

History: An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions History Time

Time: The arbitrary division of eternity.

Definitions Time

Philanthropist: One who returns to the people publicly what he steals from them privately.

Definitions People

Associate producer: Anybody who’s prepared to associate with a producer.

(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Definitions

Antiques: Furniture that is too old for poor folks but the right age for rich people.

Definitions Things

Ambassador: An honest man sent to lie abroad for the good of his country.

Definitions

Adolescence: A period in which children begin to question the answers.

Age Definitions

Distant Relative: One who can be very distant – especially when he has lots of money.

Definitions Family

Pain: An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions Intelligence Mind