Subject: Definitions (Page 44)

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Deluxe: Mediocre in a big way.

Definitions

Hip: Smartly attuned to the latest cutting-edge cliches.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Miscellaneous

Dentist: A person who runs a filling station.

Definitions Occupations

Childbirth: You get to go through thirty-six hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say, ‘focus… breathe… push…’

Definitions

Heckler: A guy who ribs you the wrong way.

Definitions Wordplay

Fiddle: An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Animals Definitions Music

Math Anxiety: An intense lifelong fear of two trains approaching each other at speeds of 60 and 80 mph.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Science/Weather

Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Self

Centimeter: A parking meter that takes pennies.

Definitions

Chicken: An egg factory.

Animals Definitions

Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar.

Autos Definitions Things

Diet: Something you keep putting off while you keep putting on.

Definitions Food/Drink

Omen: A sign that something will happen if nothing happens.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Philanthropist: One who returns to the people publicly what he steals from them privately.

Definitions People

Secret: What we tell everybody to tell nobody.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions

Teenagers: Those old enough to know everything.

Age Definitions

Waiter: A guy who believes money grows on a tray.

Definitions Occupations Work

Smuggler: One who neglects his duty to his country.

Definitions Wordplay

Photograph: A picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Art Definitions Things

Apparently: As either mother or father would do it.

Definitions

Reparation: Satisfaction that is made for a wrong and deducted from the satisfaction felt in committing it.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Money