Subject: Definitions (Page 44)

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Heirloom: Some old thing nobody liked well enough to wear out.

Definitions Things

Executive Shakeup: Title wave.

Definitions

Prostitute: A busy body.

Definitions

Birth: The first and dirtiest of all disasters. 

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Situations

Zeal: A nervous disorder affecting the young and inexperienced.

Characteristics Definitions

Litigant: A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Government Law

Vegetable: A substance used to ballast a child’s plate while it’s carried to and from the table.

Definitions Food/Drink

Amnesia: A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

Definitions

Fitness: Salvation through perspiration.

Definitions

Neighbors: People who live near you, who are never around when you need to borrow power tools or jumper cables, but who are everywhere when you are having a heated argument with your spouse.

Definitions People

An editor is someone who separates the wheat from the chaff and then prints the chaff.

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
Communication Definitions Occupations

Executive: A big gun – that hasn’t been fired yet.

Definitions

Neighbors: The only people who listen to both sides of an argument.

Definitions People

Great American: What speakers call a man when they can’t think of anything specifically complimentary to say.

Definitions

Tube Dress: A dress which is an extended boob tube.

Clothing Definitions

Oppose: To assist with obstructions and objections.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Budget: A schedule for going into debt systematically.

Definitions

Riding: The art of keeping a horse between yourself and the ground.

Animals Definitions

Gourmet: A food fetishist.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Occupations

Assembly Line: The notion that if a job is worth doing, it’s worth repeating 9,614 times a day.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

Judge: A law student who grades his own papers.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Definitions Law