Subject: Definitions (Page 45)

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Brute Force: When your brain doesn’t work, just keep beating on the problem until one of you dies.

Definitions

Aardvark: In the beginning was the word. And the word was ‘Aardvark.’

Communication Definitions Language

Antibody: Against everyone.

Definitions Wordplay

Positive: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Speech

Adolescence: That period when children feel their parents should be told the facts of life.

Age Definitions

Christmas: A warm, cheery two-month festival that celebrates the joy of retail merchandise.

Definitions

Passport: A document treacherously inflicted upon a citizen going abroad, exposing him as an alien and pointing him out for special reprobation and outrage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Definitions Individuals Things Travel

Egotist: A person of low taste more interested in himself than in me.

Definitions

Sarcasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn’t get it.

Communication Definitions

Anatomy: Something that everyone has, but it looks better on a girl.

Appearance Body Definitions

Experience: What causes a person to make new mistakes instead of the same old ones.

Definitions Mistakes

Marriage ceremony: An incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and the law being dragged into the affairs of your family.

Definitions Marriage

Fiddle: An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Animals Definitions Music

Statistician: One who knows which numbers to use in any eventuality.

Definitions Occupations

Ambiguity: The lack of clarity in speech… or perhaps, something else.

Definitions

Accordion: A pleated bagpipe.

Definitions Entertainment Music Things

Self-made Man: A horrible example of unskilled labor.

Definitions

Farm: A hunk of land on which, if you get up early enough mornings and work late enough nights, you’ll make a fortune – if you strike oil on it.

(1896 – 1988) American actor
Definitions TV/Movie Quotes

Courtship: A man pursuing a woman until she catches him.

Dating Definitions Relationships

Propaganda: Baloney disguised as food for thought.

Definitions Wordplay

Unwed Mother: One who helps perpetuate the genes of an unwed father, without the latter’s talent for becoming invisible at will.

Definitions Family