Subject: Definitions (Page 45)

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Doctor: Someone who practices medicine but charges as if he knew.

Definitions Doctors Health

Automobile: A payment plan on wheels.

Autos Definitions Things

Chef: A man with a big enough vocabulary to give the soup a different name every day.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Occupations Work

Quality of Life: What an industrialized nation is said to offer when enough of its citizens are suffering from terminal stress.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Justice: A decision in your favor.

Definitions

Selfish: Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions

Skeleton: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

Body Definitions

American: One who gets mad when a foreigner curses the institutions he curses.

America Definitions Places

Argument: An exchange of ignorance.

Definitions

Jury: Twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

(1874 – 1963) American poet
Definitions Government Law Lawyers

Experience: The name an older man gives to his mistakes.

Definitions Mistakes

Thanks: A down payment on the next favor.

Definitions

Culture: The visible evidence of a tribe of bacteria, as observed by microbiologists or cynics.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Husband: A polygamous animal in a monogamous strait-jacket.

Definitions Marriage

Youth: A good substitute for experience.

Age Definitions Young

Anatomy: The belly of a very small insect.

Definitions Wordplay

Retraction: The revision of an insult to give it wider circulation.

Definitions Insults

Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Newlywed: What you and your spouse will officially be considered until your first anniversary, or until you go an entire week without sex (whichever comes first).

Definitions Marriage

Disc Jockey: A guy who lives on spins and needles.

Definitions Occupations

Statistician: A person who can draw a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. 

Definitions Occupations Science/Weather