Subject: Definitions (Page 45)

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Good Sport: One who will always let you have your own way.

Definitions

Unopposed candidate: An officeholder who has mastered the art of campaign reform.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government

Puritan: A person who pours righteous indignation into the wrong things.

Definitions

Stroke-Of-Luck: Hole-in-One.

Definitions Golf Sports

Vacuum Cleaner: A sonic broom.

Definitions Things

Life: A span of time of which the first half is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Children Definitions Parents

Pessimism: A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language

Parenthood: Feeding the mouth that bites you.

Definitions Family Parents Wordplay

Selfishness: Annoying quality of someone who has what I want, but is not prepared to give it to me.

Definitions

Spine: A long, limber bone. Your head sets on one end and you set on the other.

Definitions

Matrimony: A knot tied by a preacher and untied by a lawyer.

Definitions Marriage

Ignoramus: Someone who doesn’t know something that you learned yesterday.

Definitions Intelligence

Youth: The first fifty years of your life… the first twenty of anyone else’s.

Age Definitions Young

Consult: To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Hat: Something the average man covers his head with, the beggar passes around, the statesman throws into the ring, and the politician talks through.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Organic Farm: Tilling like it is.

Definitions

Conscience: An inner voice that warns us somebody is watching.

Definitions

Retraction: The revision of an insult to give it wider circulation.

Definitions Insults

Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Time

Husband: One who stands by you in troubles you wouldn’t have had if you hadn’t married him.

Definitions Marriage

Alimony: The high cost of leaving.

Definitions Marriage