Subject: Definitions (Page 45)

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Smile: To expose a portion of one’s skeleton as a gesture of goodwill toward a fellow human.

Definitions

Alimony: A splitting headache.

Definitions Marriage

Diet: What helps a person gain weight more slowly.

Definitions Food/Drink

Communist: A guy who borrows your pot to cook your goose.

Definitions

Life: A sexually transmitted disease with 100% fatality rate.

Definitions Life

Christian: A man who feels repentance on a Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Vaccine: A microbe with his face washed.

Definitions Health

Electile Dysfunction: The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government

Desire: The thing that is so often nipped in the budget.

Definitions Emotions

Golf: A pastime that gives people cooped up in the office all week a chance to lie and cheat outdoors.

Definitions Golf Sports

Night Club: A place where they take the rest out of restaurant and put the din in dinner.

Definitions Places

Vaccination: An ouch of prevention.

Definitions Health

Dependent: Reliant upon another's generosity for the support which you are not in a position to exact from his fears.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Executive: A person who can take two hours for lunch without anybody missing him.

Definitions Occupations

Twins: Infant replay.

Children Definitions Family

Director: The one who always faces the music.

Definitions Music

Forger: A man who made a name for himself.

Definitions

Rumor: A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions

Cat: A pygmy lion who loathes mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Animals Cats Definitions

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body Definitions

Noise: Earitation.

Definitions