Subject: Definitions (Page 46)

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Makeup: Lipstick, eyeliner, blush which ironically makes Mom look better while making her young daughter look “like a tramp.”

Appearance Definitions

Business: Something which, if you don’t have any, you go out of.

Definitions

Y-chromosome: A line of genes designed for men only; the cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Men

Desire: The thing that is so often nipped in the budget.

Definitions Emotions

Bugs: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.

Animals Definitions

Acquaintance: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Individuals Language Money

Recount: In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded to the player against whom they are loaded.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Elections/Voting Government

Education: A technique employed to open minds so that they may go from cocksure ignorance to thoughtful uncertainty.

Definitions Education

Friend: A good friend is like a good bra… hard to find, supportive, comfortable, and always close to your heart.

Definitions Friends People

State-Of-The-Art: Soon-to-be-obsolete.

Definitions

Broom: Witch craft.

Definitions

Urinal: The one place where all men are peers.

Definitions Wordplay

Courtship: A man pursuing a woman until she catches him.

Dating Definitions Relationships

Epigram: A wisecrack that played Carnegie Hall.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Communication Definitions Language

Retirement: The time of life when you stop lying about your age and start lying about the house.

Definitions Time Work

Fern: A plant that you’re supposed to water once a day, and when you don’t it dies, but if you do it dies anyway, only not so soon.

Definitions

Christmas: A warm, cheery two-month festival that celebrates the joy of retail merchandise.

Definitions

Thrift: Common sense applied to spending.

Definitions Money

Tissue: Your daily nosepaper.

Definitions Wordplay

Teacher: A person who swore she would starve before teaching, and who has been doing both ever since.

Definitions Education

Cravings: An excuse to gluttonize your way through pregnancy.

Definitions