Subject: Definitions (Page 46)

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Venereal Disease: Germs of endearment.

Definitions Health

Parking Meter: An automatic device that bets a dollar to your nickel that you can’t get back before the time runs out.

Definitions Things

Committee: A cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled.

Definitions

Discretion: When you are sure you are right and then ask your wife.

Definitions

Dog: An intelligent four-footed animal who walks around with an idiot on the end of his leash.

Animals Definitions Dogs

Doctor: A guy who tells you if you don’t cut out something he’ll cut something out of you.

Definitions Doctors Health

Gossip: Something negative that is developed and then enlarged.

Definitions

Housewarming: The last call for wedding presents.

Definitions

Pain: An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions Intelligence Mind

Brain: An apparatus with which we think we think.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Intelligence Language

Penis: Part of the male anatomy which contains the brain.

Body Definitions Men

Husband: A polygamous animal in a monogamous strait-jacket.

Definitions Marriage

Niagara Falls: The bride’s second great disappointment.

Definitions Places Sex

Neighbors: The strangers who live next door.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions People

Erudite: Exhibiting a degree of book learning fatal to success in any business or romantic enterprise.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Linguist: A person who can be misunderstood in many languages.

Communication Definitions Language

Bargain Hunter: One who is often led astray by false profits.

Activities Definitions Shopping

April 1: The day we are reminded of what we are the other 364.

Definitions Fools Intelligence

Zeal: A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions Young

Teenagers: People who express a burning drive to be different by dressing alike.

Age Definitions

Bookcase: A piece of furniture used in America to house bowling trophies and elvis collectibles.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions