Subject: Definitions (Page 46)

View All Definitions

Abstainer: A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Individuals Language

Math Anxiety: An intense lifelong fear of two trains approaching each other at speeds of 60 and 80 mph.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Science/Weather

Boss: A personal dictator appointed to those of us fortunate enough to live in free societies.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

Future: That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Future Time

Vote: The instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Elections/Voting Government

Negotiating: The art of persuading your opponent to take the nice shiny copper penny and give you the wrinkled old paper money.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Money

Phillips Screwdriver: Used  to round off Phillips screw heads.

Definitions Things

Life: A continuous series of disasters which result in one’s death.

Death Definitions Life

Keepsake: Something given us by someone we’ve forgotten.

Definitions Things

Psychology: The care of the id by the odd.

Definitions Health Science/Weather

Litigant: A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

Definitions Law

Fern: A plant that you’re supposed to water once a day, and when you don’t it dies, but if you do it dies anyway, only not so soon.

Definitions

Middle age is when you stop criticizing the older generation and start criticizing the younger one.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Age Definitions

Altar: Place where a man loses control of himself.

Definitions Marriage

Truck Driver: A man who has the opportunity to run into so many nice people.

Definitions Occupations

Hat: Something the average man covers his head with, the beggar passes around, the statesman throws into the ring, and the politician talks through.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Middle Age: That period when a man begins to shed his hair, his teeth, and his illusions.

Age Definitions

Consultant: A jobless person who shows executives how to work.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion

Virtue: Insufficient temptation.

Characteristics Definitions

Clothes Dryer: An appliance designed to eat socks.

Definitions Things