Subject: Definitions (Page 46)

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Tomorrow: What always comes but never arrives.

Definitions Future Time

Spinster: A lady in waiting.

Definitions People Women

Lecture: A process by which the notes of the professor become the notes of the student, without passing through the minds of either.

Definitions Education School

Reducing: Wishful shrinking.

Appearance Body Definitions Wordplay

Auctioneer: The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

Definitions Occupations

Toothache: The pain that drives you to extraction.

Definitions Health

Discretion: When you are sure you are right and then ask your wife.

Definitions

Adolescence: That period when children feel their parents should be told the facts of life.

Age Definitions

Conservative: A liberal who has just been mugged.

Beliefs Definitions

Apex: A gorilla’s old girlfriend.

Definitions Wordplay

Reconsider: To seek a justification for a decision already made.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Intelligence Thinking

Epitaph: A belated advertisement for a line of goods that has been permanently discontinued.

Death Definitions

Gold Digger: A woman after all.

Definitions People Women Wordplay

Apartment: A place where the landlord and the tenant are both trying to raise the rent.

Definitions

News: The same thing happening today that happened yesterday, but to different people.

Definitions

Racehorse: A fast means of redistributing wealth.

Activities Definitions

Snoring: Sheet music.

Definitions Sleep Wordplay

Breeding: Concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

Definitions

Lawsuit: A contest generally won by the party that can afford to reimburse the lawyers on both sides of the dispute.

Definitions Law Lawyers

Social Diseases: Germs of endearment.

Definitions

Inertia: Tendency of a skier’s body to resist changes in direction or speed due to the action of Newton’s First Law of Motion.

Definitions Science/Weather