Subject: Definitions (Page 47)

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Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Age Definitions Food/Drink Health Old

Unemployment: The usual alternative to overwork.

Definitions Work

Consultant: A jobless person who shows executives how to work.

Definitions

Jury: A group of 12 people, who, having lied to the judge about their health, hearing, and business engagements, have failed to fool him.

Definitions

Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

Definitions Mistakes

Marriage: The mourning after the knot before.

Definitions Marriage

Fanatic: A man who does what God would do – if He only had the facts straight.

Definitions

Bikini: Baiting Suit.

Clothing Definitions

Genetic Engineering: Tampering with chromosomes so that science might develop a new miracle cure or a rabbit that plays the banjo. –

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Science/Weather

Insider trading: Stealing too fast.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Conflict Crime Definitions

Adolescence: That period when children feel their parents should be told the facts of life.

Age Definitions

Group Discussion: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Definitions

Opening night: The night before the play is ready to open.

(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor
Definitions

Sterile Solution: Vasectomy.

Definitions

Statistician: A person who can draw a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. 

Definitions Occupations Science/Weather

Vacation: Where you take the family to get away from it all, only to find it there, too.

Definitions

Old age is when you know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Age Definitions Old

Piano: A parlor utensil for subduing the impertinent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Entertainment Music Things

Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

Definitions Marriage

Honest Politician: One who, when he is bought, will stay bought.

Definitions Government Politicians

Numismatics: Collecting money for fun.

Definitions