Subject: Definitions (Page 48)

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Etiquette: The noise you don’t make while eating soup.

Definitions

Spinster: A lady in waiting.

Definitions People Women

Accident: Any negligent or malicious behavior performed by someone with a clever lawyer.

British writer, cartoonist, poet & performer
Definitions Problems

Dentist: A person who runs a filling station.

Definitions Occupations

Opportunist: A person who, finding himself in hot water, decides he needs a bath anyway.

Definitions Situations

Old Age: When you wink at a girl and she says, “Something wrong with your eyes?”

Age Definitions

After-Dinner Speaker: A person who only has a few words to say, but seldom stops when he has said them.

Definitions

Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Things

Indifference: A woman’s feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man as “playing hard to get.”

Definitions

Hooker: A working woman commonly despised by people who sell themselves for even less.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Sex

Fairy Tale: A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.

Definitions

Harpist: A plucky musician.

Definitions Entertainment Music Wordplay

Collection: A church function in which many take but a passing interest.

Definitions

Courage: Fear in action.

Definitions

Abdicate: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Body Definitions

Rear: In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Congress Definitions Military

Obituary: A final summation of our lives that, for most of us, occupies about three inches of space in what will shortly become cage liner for our neighbor’s parakeet.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Death Definitions

Flatterer: One who says things to your face that he wouldn’t say behind your back.

Definitions

Yearbook: A book of pictures that get nerdier with time.

Definitions

Racehorse: A barn athlete.

Animals Definitions Wordplay

Advice: A commodity peddled by your lawyer and given away by your mother-in-law, but impossible to dispose of yourself. Famous as the one thing which it is “More blessed to give than receive.”

Definitions