Subject: Definitions (Page 48)

View All Definitions

Vaccination: An ouch of prevention.

Definitions Health

Clarification: To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.

Definitions

Advice: A commodity peddled by your lawyer and given away by your mother-in-law, but impossible to dispose of yourself. Famous as the one thing which it is “More blessed to give than receive.”

Definitions

Egotist: A conceited ass who thinks he knows as much as you do.

Definitions Intelligence People Self

Ventriloquist: A man with a dummy who always talks to himself.

Definitions

Nymphomania: A disease where the patient enjoys being bedridden.

Definitions Sex

Chaperoning: A spectator spoil-sport.

Definitions

Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

Definitions Marriage

Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No Hard Feelings.”

Definitions Sex

Artist’s Model: A girl unsuited for her work.

Definitions

Taxpayer: A person who has the government on his payroll.

Definitions Government Taxes

Budget: A method of worrying before you spend, instead of afterward.

Definitions

Violinist: A high-strung musician.

Definitions Entertainment Music Wordplay

Chic: Considered smart without the deadening implication of intelligence.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Astronomer: Night watchman.

Definitions Occupations

Belong: To take your time.

Definitions

Realtor: A man with lots to sell.

Definitions Occupations Wordplay

Argument: An exchange of ignorance.

Definitions

Adolescence: When a boy has reached the state when he knows why a strapless gown must be held up, but doesn’t understand how.

Age Definitions

Tailor: An occupation that suits everyone.

Definitions Occupations Work

Good Advice: What a man gives when he gets too old to set a bad example.

Beliefs Definitions Opinion