Subject: Definitions (Page 48)

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Bowling Alley: A quiet place of amusement where you can hear a pin drop.

Activities Definitions

Etiquette: A convenient code of conduct which makes lying a virtue and snobbishness a righteous deed.

Definitions

Pediatrician: Man of little patients.

Definitions Doctors Health Wordplay

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Emotions Language Love

Acquaintance: A degree of friendship called ‘slight’ when its object is poor and ‘intimate’ when he is rich or famous.

Definitions People

Derange: Where de buffalo roam.

Definitions

Respirator: An apparatus fitted over the nose and mouth… whereby to filter the visible universe in its passage to the lungs.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Things

Philanthropist: One who returns to the people publicly what he steals from them privately.

Definitions People

Americans: People with more time-saving devices and less time than any other people in the world.

Definitions People

Mouth: In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Manicurist: A girl who makes money hand over fist.

Definitions Occupations Work

Job: A place where you work just hard enough to avoid getting fired while getting paid just enough to avoid quitting.

Definitions Work

Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two being goulash and squid.

Definitions Food/Drink

Racehorse: A fast means of redistributing wealth.

Activities Definitions

Senility: A cleansing of the mental blackboard shortly before class is dismissed.

Age Definitions Old

Aftermath: The horrible headache you have when you’ve finished the algebra test.

Definitions

Intuition: Suspicion in skirts.

Definitions

Budget: A family quarrel.

Definitions

Congress: A place where there are too many Democratic congressmen, too many Republican congressmen – and not enough U.S. Congressmen.

Congress Definitions Government

Lemonade Stand: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of fifteen cents.

Definitions

Sarcasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn’t get it.

Communication Definitions