Subject: Definitions (Page 48)

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Apartment: A place where the landlord and the tenant are both trying to raise the rent.

Definitions

Heredity: The bad traits a child gets from the other side of the family.

Definitions Family

Major: Area of study that no longer interests you.

Definitions Education Learning

Vote: The instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Elections/Voting Government

Barometer: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Old Science/Weather

Brassiere: A bust stop.

Clothing Definitions

Statistician: A person who believes that if you put your head in a furnace and your feet in a bucket of iced water, on the average you should feel reasonably comfortable.

Definitions Occupations

Atrophy: An award given to those who do not exercise.

Activities Definitions

Egotism: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions

Litigant: A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

Definitions Law

Dirt: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

Definitions

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Definitions Politicians

Karma: Justice without the feeling of satisfaction.

Definitions

Counterfeiter: A guy who gets into trouble by following a good example.

Definitions

Derange: Where de buffalo roam.

Definitions

Alcohol: A liquid good for preserving everything except secrets.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

Doctor: The only man who hasn’t a guaranteed cure for a cold.

Definitions Doctors Health

Insanity: Knowing that what you’re doing is completely idiotic, but still, somehow, you just can’t stop it.

Definitions

Argument: A discussion where two people try to get the last word in first

Definitions

Refinement: The ability to yawn without opening your mouth.

Characteristics Definitions

Zebra: A horse behind bars.

Animals Definitions