Subject: Definitions (Page 48)

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Bus: A vehicle that runs faster when you run after it and runs slowly when you are inside it.

Definitions Driving

Wig: A convertible top.

Appearance Definitions Hair

Clergyman: A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of bettering his temporal ones.

Definitions Occupations

Heredity: The thing a child gets from the other side of the family.

writer
Definitions Family

Twin: A double-take.

Definitions Family

Falsies: Making mountains out of molehills.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Diploma: A job-hunting license.

Definitions

Four-letter Word: Par for the coarse.

Definitions Golf Language Sports

Regret: Insight that comes a day too late.

Definitions

Adolescence: That period when children feel their parents should be told the facts of life.

Age Definitions

Cemetery: A place people are dying to get into.

Definitions

Good Old Days: A block of time which ended a week before you were hired.

Definitions Past Time Work

Commerce: A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E. 

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Money

Dictator: One who thinks he can take it – no matter to whom it belongs.

Definitions

Life: Coming into the world wit nothing, leaving with nothing and, in between, giving everything to the IRS.

Definitions Life Taxes

Middle Age: When your age starts to show around your middle the art of raising eyebrows instead of the roof. 

Age Definitions

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Definitions Science/Weather Taxes

Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Age Definitions Food/Drink Health Old

Colleague: The person to whom one passes the buck.

Definitions

Urinal: The one place where all men are peers.

Definitions Wordplay

Financial Wizard: A person who can earn money faster than the family can spend it.

Definitions Money