Subject: Definitions (Page 49)

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Brain: An apparatus with which we think we think.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Intelligence Language

Diet: selection of foods for people who are thick and tired of it.

Definitions Food/Drink

Bald: When one has less hair to comb but more face to wash.

Appearance Definitions

Good Old Days: What people fifty years hence will be calling the present time.

Definitions Past Time

Diplomat: A fellow who prefers ironing out his differences to flattening his opponent.

Definitions

Eulogy: Praise that’s too much and too late.

Death Definitions

Cartoon: What’s sung when driving your car.

Definitions

Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

Animals Definitions Eating Food/Drink

Wedding License: A certificate that gives a woman the legal right to drive a man.

Definitions Marriage

Vacation: Where you take the family to get away from it all, only to find it there, too.

Definitions

The word ‘politics’ is derived from the word ‘poly,’ meaning ‘many,’ and the word ‘ticks,’ meaning ‘blood sucking parasites.’

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Communication Definitions Government Language Politics

Gossip: Something negative that is developed and then enlarged.

Definitions

Guest towel: A small square of non-absorbent fabric surrounded by waterproof embroidery.

Definitions Things

Executive Shakeup: Title wave.

Definitions

Window: A looking-out glass.

Definitions Things

Night Club: A place where they take the rest out of restaurant and put the din in dinner.

Definitions Places

Borrower: A person who always wants to be left a loan.

Definitions

Penicillin: What to give a man who has everything.

Definitions Health Wordplay

Disrespect: Giving someone half of the peace sign without suggesting they’re number one.

Definitions

Archbishop: An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.

Definitions Religion

Adam’s Rib: The original bone of contention.

Definitions