Subject: Definitions (Page 50)

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Brute Force: When your brain doesn’t work, just keep beating on the problem until one of you dies.

Definitions

Evangelist: A bearer of good tidings who gives us the good news and assures us of our own salvation and damnation of our neighbors.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Education: What you have left over when you subtract what you’ve forgotten from what you learned.

Definitions Education

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Multitasking: Messing up several chores at the same time.

Activities Definitions

Orgasm: The punchline some women just don’t get, generally because their mates have a tendency to rush through the joke.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Sex

Doorman: A genius who can open the door of your car with one hand, help you in with the other, and still have one left for the tip.

Definitions Occupations

Positive: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Speech

Babysitter: A teenager you pay $7 an hour to eat $20 worth of snacks.

Definitions

Antique: Something too old to be anything but too expensive.

Definitions Things

Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two being goulash and squid.

Definitions Food/Drink

Connoisseur: A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Intelligence Language

Quartet: Four men, all of whom think that the other three can’t sing.

Definitions Entertainment

Math Anxiety: An intense lifelong fear of two trains approaching each other at speeds of 60 and 80 mph.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Science/Weather

Ignoramus: A person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourself, and having certain other kinds that you know nothing about.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Intelligence Wisdom

Group Discussion: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Definitions

Congress: A body of men brought together to slow down the government.

Congress Definitions Government

Communism: The cause that suppresses.

Definitions

Coffee: Break fluid.

Definitions Food/Drink Wordplay

Virtue: Lack of opportunity.

Characteristics Definitions

Armor: The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

Clothing Definitions