Subject: Definitions (Page 50)

View All Definitions

Genetic Engineering: Tampering with chromosomes so that science might develop a new miracle cure or a rabbit that plays the banjo. –

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Science/Weather

Good Neighbor: A fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn’t climb it.

Definitions

Brain: An apparatus with which we think we think.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Intelligence Language

Insider trading: Stealing too fast.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Conflict Crime Definitions

Puberty: The awkward age when a child is too old to say something cute and too young to say something sensible.

Age Definitions

Convent: A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the vice of idleness.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time; the man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Activities Definitions

Pessimist: Someone who burns their bridges before they get to them.

Definitions

Archaeologist: A person whose career lies in ruins.

Definitions Occupations Wordplay

Fanatic: A man who does what God would do – if He only had the facts straight.

Definitions

Chef: A man with a big enough vocabulary to give the soup a different name every day.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Occupations Work

Tolerance: Another word for indifference.

Characteristics Definitions

Conference: A meeting at which people talk about what they should already be doing.

Definitions

Cold: An ailment cured in two weeks with a doctor’s care, and in fourteen days without it.

Definitions Doctors Health

Apologize: To repeat an insult with variations.

Definitions

Detour: The roughest distance between two points.

Activities Definitions Travel

Neighbor: One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions People

Major: Area of study that no longer interests you.

Definitions Education Learning

Bank Robber: A guy who gets alarmed easily.

Definitions

Statistician: A man who believes figures don’t lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won’t stand up either.

Definitions Occupations

Ability: What you have to get by on if you don’t kiss-up to the boss.

Definitions