Subject: Definitions (Page 50)

View All Definitions

Admiral: A general at sea.

Definitions Military

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens, and everybody disagrees later on.

Definitions

Bimbo: Any woman to whom you pay a compliment, while in the company of your wife.

Definitions Women

Campers: Nature’s way of feeding mosquitoes.

Definitions

Business: Something which, if you don’t have any, you go out of.

Definitions

Beauty parlor: A place where women curl up and dye.

Definitions

Anoint: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.

Definitions

Statesman: An ex-politician who has mastered the art of holding his tongue.

Communication Definitions Politicians Speech

Diamond: A woman’s idea of a stepping stone to success.

Definitions Things

Cat: A lap warmer with a built-in buzzer.

Animals Cats Definitions

Lawsuit: A contest generally won by the party that can afford to reimburse the lawyers on both sides of the dispute.

Definitions Law Lawyers

Stock Market: A popular game of chance in which moneyed speculators gamble with the nation’s economy, the object being to amass as much unearned income as possible before one’s fellow gamblers withdraw from the game and precipitate a nationwide depression.

Definitions Money

Gossip: Something negative that is developed and then enlarged.

Definitions

Distant Relative: One who can be very distant – especially when he has lots of money.

Definitions Family

Hors d'oeuvres: A sandwich cut into 20 pieces.

Definitions Food/Drink

Underwear: An article of clothing which, when kept clean, ensures the wearer will never have an accident.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Accident: When presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.

Accidents Definitions Problems

Retraction: The revision of an insult to give it wider circulation.

Definitions Insults

Fishing: A delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.

Activities Definitions

Riot: A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Conflict Definitions

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Definitions