Subject: Definitions (Page 50)

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Sterilize: What you do to your baby’s first pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it on your shirt.

Definitions Family

Insomnia: contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents.

Activities Definitions Sleep

Falsies: A helpful aid to any girl in acquiring a disappointed husband.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Xylophone: Small toy musical instrument often given as gifts to children who show their appreciation by playing the stupid thing constantly, over and over, all day long; see also "drums."

Definitions Entertainment Music

Radical: Anyone whose opinion differs from ours.

Beliefs Definitions People

Wife Swapping: Sexual fourplay.

Definitions Marriage Sex Wordplay

Nun: A creature of habit.

Definitions Religion

Acrobat: The person who turns a flop into a success.

Definitions

Borrower: A person who always wants to be left a loan.

Definitions

Diagnosis: A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Health Language Money

Gold Digger: A fund-loving girl.

Definitions

Cavity: Empty space ready to be stuffed with dentist’s bills.

Definitions

Yawn: Opening one’s mouth and wishing that others would close theirs.

Definitions

Diplomacy: The art of letting someone else have your own way.

Definitions

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time; the man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Activities Definitions

Dog: The only friend you can buy for money.

Animals Definitions Dogs

Parking Space: An unfilled opening in an unending line of cars near an unapproachable fire hydrant.

Definitions

Hamper: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but not containing, dirty clothing.

Clothing Definitions

America: A nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but can think of nothing to do when it gets there.

America Definitions Places

Dieting: The triumph of mind over platter.

Definitions

Unabated: A fishhook without a worm.

Definitions