Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Definitions
(Page 50)
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Genetic Engineering: Tampering with chromosomes so that science might develop a new miracle cure or a rabbit that plays the banjo. –
Rick Bayan
(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions
Science/Weather
Genetic Engineering
Good Neighbor: A fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn’t climb it.
Anonymous
Definitions
Good Neighbor
Brain: An apparatus with which we think we think.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Intelligence
Language
Brains
Insider trading: Stealing too fast.
Calvin Trillin
(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Conflict
Crime
Definitions
Insider trading
Investing
Puberty: The awkward age when a child is too old to say something cute and too young to say something sensible.
Anonymous
Age
Definitions
Puberty
Convent: A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the vice of idleness.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions
Convent
Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time; the man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
Gracie Allen
(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Activities
Definitions
Cocktail party
Pessimist: Someone who burns their bridges before they get to them.
Anonymous
Definitions
Pessimist
Archaeologist: A person whose career lies in ruins.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Wordplay
Archaeologist
Fanatic: A man who does what God would do – if He only had the facts straight.
Anonymous
Definitions
Fanatic
Chef: A man with a big enough vocabulary to give the soup a different name every day.
Anonymous
Cooking
Definitions
Food/Drink
Occupations
Work
Chef
Tolerance: Another word for indifference.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Definitions
Tolerance
Conference: A meeting at which people talk about what they should already be doing.
Anonymous
Definitions
Conference
Cold: An ailment cured in two weeks with a doctor’s care, and in fourteen days without it.
Anonymous
Definitions
Doctors
Health
Cold
Apologize: To repeat an insult with variations.
Anonymous
Definitions
Apologize
Detour: The roughest distance between two points.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Travel
Detour
Driving
Neighbor: One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions
People
Neighbor
Major: Area of study that no longer interests you.
Anonymous
Definitions
Education
Learning
Major
Bank Robber: A guy who gets alarmed easily.
Anonymous
Definitions
Bank Robber
Statistician: A man who believes figures don’t lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won’t stand up either.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Statistician
Ability: What you have to get by on if you don’t kiss-up to the boss.
Anonymous
Definitions
Ability
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