Subject: Definitions (Page 51)

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Twins: Womb-mates.

Definitions

Dog: The only friend you can buy for money.

Animals Definitions Dogs

Boy: A noise with dirt on it.

Definitions People

Garden: Something that dies if you don’t water it, and rots if you do.

Definitions

Life: A play with a lousy third act.

Definitions Life

Insanity: Knowing that what you’re doing is completely idiotic, but still, somehow, you just can’t stop it.

Definitions

Newborn Baby: Fresh heir.

Definitions

Old age is when you know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Age Definitions Old

Archbishop: An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.

Definitions Religion

Status Quo: Latin for “the mess we’re in.”

Definitions Problems

Skeleton: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

Body Definitions

Elector: One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man’s choice.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Elections/Voting Government Language

Cheerfulness: The art of concealing your true feelings.

Definitions Emotions Happiness

Zircon: A diamond falsie.

Definitions

Detour: Something that lengthens your mileage, diminishes your gas, and strengthens your vocabulary.

Activities Definitions Travel

Heirloom: Some old thing nobody liked well enough to wear out.

Definitions Things

Adolescents: People who never seem to realize that one day they will be as dumb as their parents.

Age Definitions

Fad: Something that goes in one era and out the other.

Definitions

Statistician: A person who believes that if you put your head in a furnace and your feet in a bucket of iced water, on the average you should feel reasonably comfortable.

Definitions Occupations

Handkerchief: Cold Storage.

Definitions Health

Short Vacation: Half a loaf.

Activities Definitions