Subject: Definitions (Page 51)

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Dieting: The triumph of mind over platter.

Definitions

Bachelor: A man who has faults he doesn’t know about.

Definitions Men People

Saint: A dead sinner, revised and edited.

Definitions People

Kleptomaniac: A thief with breeding.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Crime Definitions

Orgasm: The punchline some women just don’t get, generally because their mates have a tendency to rush through the joke.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Sex

Specialist: A man who knows more and more about less and less.

Definitions

Denial: How an optimist keeps from becoming a pessimist.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Accident: Any negligent or malicious behavior performed by someone with a clever lawyer.

British writer, cartoonist, poet & performer
Definitions Problems

Opportunist: One who goes ahead and does what you always planned to do. 

Definitions

Future: That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Future Time

Cleopatra: Queen of denial.

Definitions

Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad’s payroll – and on to his wife’s.

Definitions Education School

Family Swimming Pool: A small body of water completely surrounded by other people’s children.

Definitions

Longevity: Uncommon extension of the fear of death.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Death Definitions Language Life

Advertising: The rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

Eric Arthur Blair (1903 – 50) English author & journalist
Definitions

Aversion: One side of a disputed story.

Definitions

Heckler: A guy who ribs you the wrong way.

Definitions Wordplay

Elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author
Animals Definitions

Celebrity: A person whose name is in everything but the telephone book.

Definitions

Parents: The one thing children wear out faster than shoes.

Definitions Family Parents

Dictator: A self-madman.

Definitions