Subject: Definitions (Page 51)

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Intimacy: A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Fools

University: A modern school where football is taught.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Education Football Language School

Taxi Driver: Worker who earns a living by driving customers away.

Definitions Occupations

Shyster: The other fellow’s lawyer.

Definitions Lawyers

Foosball: A combination of soccer and shish kabobs.

Activities Definitions

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Money Things

Internship: A sleepless ordeal imposed on young M.D.’s for the purpose of weeding out the weak and infirm among them, and eroding the health of the survivors sufficiently to ensure better empathy in the years to come.

Definitions Doctors

Mausoleum: The final and funniest folly of the rich.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Death Definitions Language Money Wealth

Flatterer: One who says things to your face that he wouldn’t say behind your back.

Definitions

Abortion: Love's labor lost.

Definitions

Vote: The instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Elections/Voting Government

I.O.U.: A type of paper wait.

Definitions

Acoustic: An instrument used in shooting pool.

Definitions

Adolescents: People who never seem to realize that one day they will be as dumb as their parents.

Age Definitions

Chic: Considered smart without the deadening implication of intelligence.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Christmas: A warm, cheery two-month festival that celebrates the joy of retail merchandise.

Definitions

Expert: A person who knows enough to complicate simple matters.

Definitions

Deluxe: Mediocre in a big way.

Definitions

Lisp: To Call a spade a thpade.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Definitions

Contraceptives: What Protestants use on all conceivable occasions.

Definitions

Unabated: A fishhook without a worm.

Definitions