Subject: Definitions (Page 52)

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Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors.

Computers Definitions Things

Expert: Any person who has tried and failed – and can tell you why.

Definitions

Farm: A hunk of land on which, if you get up early enough mornings and work late enough nights, you’ll make a fortune – if you strike oil on it.

(1896 – 1988) American actor
Definitions TV/Movie Quotes

Omen: A sign that something will happen if nothing happens.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Contraceptives: What Protestants use on all conceivable occasions.

Definitions

Prostitute: A busy body.

Definitions

Telephone: A contrivance for letting us talk to people whom we don’t want to meet.

Definitions Things

Centimeter: A parking meter that takes pennies.

Definitions

Experimental psychologist: A scientist who pulls habits out of rats.

(1904 – 1974) American author & radio producer
Definitions Occupations Wordplay Work

Brain: The apparatus with which we think we think.

Body Definitions

Luck: An explanation for the other fellows’ success.

Definitions

Maps: The shorthand of geography.

Definitions

Bureaucrat: A politician who has tenure.

Definitions Government Politicians

Bargain Hunter: One who is often led astray by false profits.

Activities Definitions Shopping

Diet: Something you keep putting off while you keep putting on.

Definitions Food/Drink

Parking Space: An unfilled opening in an unending line of cars near an unapproachable fire hydrant.

Definitions

London: A place you go to get bronchitis.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Definitions Health Places

Ambassador: An honest man sent to lie abroad for the good of his country.

Definitions

Statistician: Someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

Definitions Occupations Work

Misnomer: The right name for the wrong word.

Communication Definitions Language

Jury: A group of 12 people, who, having lied to the judge about their health, hearing, and business engagements, have failed to fool him.

Definitions