Subject: Definitions (Page 52)

View All Definitions

Class Reunion: Where everyone gets together to see who is falling apart

Definitions

Experience: Something you don’t get until just after you needed it.

Definitions

Insomnia: The inability to sleep even when it’s time to get up.

Activities Definitions Sleep

Retirement: The time of life when you stop lying about your age and start lying about the house.

Definitions Time Work

Punctuality: The art of guessing correctly how late the other party is going to be.

Definitions Time

Divorce: Future tense of marriage.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into “get a sponge.”

Accidents Definitions Problems

Rum: Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Alcohol Definitions

Hip: Smartly attuned to the latest cutting-edge cliches.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Miscellaneous

Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language

Business: Something which, if you don’t have any, you go out of.

Definitions

Family Planning: Having all your children while their grandparents are still young enough to be babysitters.

Children Definitions Family

Future: That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Future Time

Education: A progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Definitions Education

Conscience: An inner voice that warns us somebody is watching.

Definitions

Diaper: A changeable seat cover.

Definitions

Secret: What we tell everybody to tell nobody.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions

Reform: To gain or lose weight.

Appearance Body Definitions

Rattlesnake: Tattle tail.

Animals Definitions Wordplay

Character: What you have left when you’ve lost everything you can lose.

Definitions

Neighbors: The strangers who live next door.

Definitions People