Subject: Definitions (Page 53)

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Executive: A person who can take two hours for lunch without anybody missing him.

Definitions Occupations

Average Person: One who thinks someone else is the average person.

Definitions People

Husband: A polygamous animal in a monogamous strait-jacket.

Definitions Marriage

Aborigines: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country.

Definitions People

Vulgarity: The conduct of others.

Definitions

Delaware: A state that has three counties when the tide is out, and two when it is in.

(1833 – 1900) American politician
Definitions

Group Therapy: A drama-in-the-round staged for the entertainment of a professional therapist, who commands the players to put on a new show each week and charges them for the privilege.

Definitions

Reporter: A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Occupations People Truth

Absent: The notation generally following your name in a class record.

Definitions

Footnote: Useless information placed where you can skip it.

Definitions

Rear: In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Congress Definitions Military

Babysitter: A teenager you hire to watch your TV.

Definitions

Senility: The pleasantly rueful experience of forgetting what we’ve forgotten.

Age Definitions Intelligence Memory Old

Quickie: No sooner spread than done.

Definitions Sex

Abscond: To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.

Crime Definitions

Euphemisms: Unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne.

Definitions

Cat: A pygmy lion who loathes mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Animals Cats Definitions

Philosopher: One who, instead of crying over spilt milk, consoles himself with the thought that it was over four-fifths water.

Definitions Occupations

Insanity: Knowing that what you’re doing is completely idiotic, but still, somehow, you just can’t stop it.

Definitions

Hey, watch this!

Death Definitions Last words