Subject: Definitions (Page 54)

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Courtship: A period during which a girl decides whether or not she can do better.

Definitions Relationships

Job: A place where you work just hard enough to avoid getting fired while getting paid just enough to avoid quitting.

Definitions Work

Twins: Infant replay.

Children Definitions Family

A true gentleman is a man who may know how to play the bagpipes – but doesn’t.

Definitions

State-Of-The-Art: Soon-to-be-obsolete.

Definitions

Debt: A trap which a man sets and baits himself, and then deliberately gets into.

Definitions Money

Bore: A person who has nothing to say and says it.

Definitions

Mission Statement: A long, awkward sentence that demonstrates management’s inability to think clearly.

Definitions

Good Old Days: What people fifty years hence will be calling the present time.

Definitions Past Time

Sport: War without killing.

Definitions

Saint: A dead sinner, revised and edited.

Definitions People

Double Jeopardy: When your doctor calls in a consulting physician.

Definitions Doctors Health

Gimme: An agreement between two duffer golfers who can’t putt.

Definitions Golf Sports

Drama Critic: A person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.

Definitions Occupations Reviews/Criticism

Beauty: The power with which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

Appearance Definitions

Dictatorship: A system of government where everything that isn’t forbidden is obligatory.

Definitions Government

Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman.

Definitions Marriage

Connoisseur: One who attains an obsessive knowledge of wines, audio equipment, cats or French cheeses so as to confer a sense of inadequacy on those who would simply enjoy them.

Definitions

Guest towel: A small square of non-absorbent fabric surrounded by waterproof embroidery.

Definitions Things

Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions

Divorce: Going through a change of wife.

Definitions Divorce Marriage