Subject: Definitions (Page 54)

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Hospital Bed: A parked taxi with the meter running.

Definitions

Desk: A waste basket with drawers.

Definitions Things

Gigolo: A fee-male.

Definitions Wordplay

Paradox: Two physicians.

Definitions Doctors Wordplay

Barometer: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

Definitions Science/Weather

Eunuch: One who is cut off from temptation.

Body Definitions

Neurotic: Someone who worries about things that didn’t happen in the past instead of worrying about things that won’t happen in the future.

Definitions People

Intellectual: A guy who can keep his mind on a book at a beach.

Definitions People

Committee: A cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled.

Definitions

Economist: One who takes a lot of unwarranted assumptions and reaches a foregone conclusion.

Definitions Occupations Work

Delegation: In American politics, an article of merchandise that comes in sets.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Government Language

Woman: A creature whom God made beautiful that man might love her, and unreasonable that she might love man.

Definitions People

Babysitter: A teenager you hire to watch your TV.

Definitions

Counsel: Advice with a price tag.

Definitions

Derange: Where de buffalo roam.

Definitions

Obituary: A final summation of our lives that, for most of us, occupies about three inches of space in what will shortly become cage liner for our neighbor’s parakeet.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Death Definitions

Repressed: Sitting on one’s inner demon to keep it decorously immobilized, as practiced by lifelong Presbyterians or anyone who attempts to exchange pleasantries with a tyrannical boss.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Chaperoning: A spectator spoil-sport.

Definitions

Passport: A document treacherously inflicted upon a citizen going abroad, exposing him as an alien and pointing him out for special reprobation and outrage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Definitions Individuals Things Travel

Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it.

Animals Definitions Food/Drink

Waffle: A pancake with a nonskid tread.

Definitions Food/Drink