Subject: Definitions (Page 54)

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Originality: Undetected plagiarism.

Definitions

Ascribe: Newspaper reporter.

Definitions

Communist: A guy who borrows your pot to cook your goose.

Definitions

Bachelor: A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.

Definitions Men People Relationships

Parents: One of the hardships of a minor’s life.

Definitions Family Parents

Snoring: Sound sleeping.

Definitions

Toothache: The pain that drives you to extraction.

Definitions Health

Etiquette: The noise you don’t make while eating soup.

Definitions

Teetotaler: One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Alcohol Definitions Wordplay

Deterrence: The art of producing, in the mind of the enemy, the fear to attack.

Definitions

Repressed: Sitting on one’s inner demon to keep it decorously immobilized, as practiced by lifelong Presbyterians or anyone who attempts to exchange pleasantries with a tyrannical boss.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Absent: The notation generally following your name in a class record.

Definitions

Silence: True wisdom’s best reply.

Definitions Wisdom

False Pregnancy: Laboring under a misconception.

Definitions

Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

Definitions

Motherhood: If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor.

Definitions

Umbrella: A movable roof.

Definitions Things

Electrocution: Burning at the stake with all modern improvements.

Death Definitions

Auditor: A person who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded.

Definitions Occupations

Zoo: A place where humans go and animals are barred.

Animals Definitions

Death – to blink for an exceptionally long period of time.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Death Definitions