Subject: Definitions (Page 55)

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Falsies: Making mountains out of molehills.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting.

Definitions Marriage

Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to people better than you are.

Definitions Family People

Professor: A person whose job is to tell students how to solve the problems of life he avoided by becoming a professor.

Definitions Education

Epigram: A half-truth so stated to irritate the person who believes the other half.

Definitions

Intellectual: A guy who can keep his mind on a book at a beach.

Definitions People

Grocery list: What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Activities Definitions Shopping

Phillips Screwdriver: Used  to round off Phillips screw heads.

Definitions Things

Communism: Nobody’s got nothin’, but everybody’s workin’.

Definitions

Shallowness: The root cause of chronic good health, high school popularity, appearance on the fiction bestseller lists, and gainful employment on local tv news broadcasts.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time; the man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Activities Definitions

Undertaker: The last guy to let you down.

Definitions Occupations Work

Twin: A double-take.

Definitions Family

Experimental psychologist: A scientist who pulls habits out of rats.

(1904 – 1974) American author & radio producer
Definitions Occupations Wordplay Work

Invitro Fertilization: The innoculate conception.

Definitions

Ambition: Goaled rush.

Definitions

Contract: An agreement to do something if nothing happens to prevent it.

Definitions

I.O.U.: A type of paper wait.

Definitions

Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Art Definitions

Congratulation: The civility of envy.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Alcohol: A liquid good for preserving everything except secrets.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink