Subject: Definitions (Page 55)

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Pessimist: Someone who burns their bridges before they get to them.

Definitions

Politician: A fellow who borrows your pot in which to cook your goose.

Definitions Government Politicians

Friend: A person who listens attentively while you say nothing.

Definitions Friends People

Cantaloupe: Gotta get married in a church.

Definitions Marriage

Neighbors: The strangers who live next door.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions People

Nurses: Patient people.

Definitions Health Occupations

Post Office: U.S. Snail.

Communication Definitions

Major: Area of study that no longer interests you.

Definitions Education Learning

Mercy: An attribute beloved of detected offenders.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language

Contract: An agreement to do something if nothing happens to prevent it.

Definitions

Boy: A noise with dirt on it.

Definitions People

Selfishness: Annoying quality of someone who has what I want, but is not prepared to give it to me.

Definitions

Experience: Something you don’t get until just after you needed it.

Definitions

Acoustic: An instrument used in shooting pool.

Definitions

Cleavage: Something which excites disapproval in everyone but the audience.

Body Definitions

Business Forecaster: A person who is uncertain about the future and hazy about the present.

Definitions

Civilization: A process whereby one generation finds the questions to the previous generation’s answers.

Definitions

Negotiating: The art of persuading your opponent to take the nice shiny copper penny and give you the wrinkled old paper money.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Money

Cravings: An excuse to gluttonize your way through pregnancy.

Definitions

Toast: The only thing that can be eaten or drunk.

Definitions

Blind Date: When you expect to meet a vision and he turns out to be a sight.

Dating Definitions Relationships