Subject: Definitions (Page 57)

Neighbors: The strangers who live next door.

Pacifist: A fellow who could attend a peace conference without getting into a fight.

Ventriloquist: A man with a dummy who always talks to himself.

Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Parents: The one thing children wear out faster than shoes.

Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Hallucination: A belief owned exclusively by one person.

Birth Control: Evasion of the issue.

Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

Nepotism: Putting on heirs.

Youth: A good substitute for experience.

Group Discussion: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Miracle: An event described by those to whom it was told by men who did not see it.  

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher

Silence: Having nothing to say and saying it.

Optimist: An anti-skeptic.

Poise: The act of raising the eyebrows instead of the roof.

Siamese Twins: First person plural.

Unwed Mother: One who helps perpetuate the genes of an unwed father, without the latter’s talent for becoming invisible at will.

Domestic Harmony: Music produced only if the husband plays second fiddle.

Lawyer: Men whom we hire to protect us from lawyers.

Hey, watch this!