Subject: Definitions (Page 57)

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American Way: Using instant coffee to dawdle away an hour.

Definitions

Silicone Treatment: The bust that money can buy.

Appearance Body Definitions

Traffic Light: A little green light that changes to red as your car approaches.

Autos Definitions Things

Mason-Dixon Line: A geographical division between “you all” and “youse guys.”

Definitions Places

Sewing Circle: Where friendship hangs by a thread.

Definitions Friends Wordplay

Altar: To change through marriage.

Definitions Marriage

Bliss: Having no idea what is really happening.

Definitions

Yankee: The same as a quickie, but you can do it by yourself.

Definitions

Dating: An elaborate prelude to mating that fulfills much the same function as the sniffing ritual in dogs, but without its forthright honesty.

Dating Definitions Relationships

Christian: One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbors. 

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Calculus: The branch of mathematics that is so scary it causes everybody to stop studying mathematics.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Definitions Science/Weather

Argument: An exchange of ignorance.

Definitions

Childish Games: Those at which your wife beats you.

Activities Definitions Games

Time: The arbitrary division of eternity.

Definitions Time

Acquaintance: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Individuals Language Money

Double Jeopardy: When your doctor calls in a consulting physician.

Definitions Doctors Health

Neighbors: The only people who listen to both sides of an argument.

Definitions People

Tips: Wages we pay other people’s help.

Definitions

Delta: A river with its mouth full of mud.

Definitions

Road: A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Autos Definitions Things Travel

Taxi Driver: Worker who earns a living by driving customers away.

Definitions Occupations