Subject: Definitions (Page 58)

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Golf: A pastime that gives people cooped up in the office all week a chance to lie and cheat outdoors.

Definitions Golf Sports

Flirtation: Paying attention without intention.

Definitions

Telemarketer: A minimum waged person who calls a bunch of people on a list to sell them something that they probably don’t need, and gets hung up on because the person being called usually has a mouth full of food.

Definitions Occupations

Credit: A commodity that becomes better the less it is used.

Definitions

Diplomacy: The ability to take something and make the other fellow believe he is giving it away.

Definitions

Hangover: The moaning after the night before.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink Health

Newspaper: A publication that condemns gambling and promotes lottery numbers.

Definitions

Orgasm: The punchline some women just don’t get, generally because their mates have a tendency to rush through the joke.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Sex

Bill Collector: A man whom few care to see but many ask to call again.

Definitions

Executive Ability: The art of getting the credit for all the hard work that somebody else does.

Definitions Work

Sex Education: Sermon on the mount.

Definitions Sex Wordplay

Obesity: A surplus gone to waist.

Appearance Body Definitions Fat Wordplay

Liberal: Someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

Vacation: A change of routine that makes you feel good enough to go back to work and poor enough to have to.

Definitions

Aborigines: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country.

Definitions People

Connoisseur: One who attains an obsessive knowledge of wines, audio equipment, cats or French cheeses so as to confer a sense of inadequacy on those who would simply enjoy them.

Definitions

Interior Decorator: A man who does things to your house he wouldn’t dream of doing to his own.

Definitions Occupations

Niagara Falls: The bride’s second great disappointment.

Definitions Places Sex

Retraction: The revision of an insult to give it wider circulation.

Definitions Insults

Consult: To seek another’s approval of a course already decided upon.

Definitions

Expert: A man who is seldom in doubt, but often in error.

Definitions