Subject: Definitions (Page 58)

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Communism: The cause that suppresses.

Definitions

Acute Alcoholic: An attractive drunk.

Alcohol Definitions

Friend: A good friend is like a good bra… hard to find, supportive, comfortable, and always close to your heart.

Definitions Friends People

Kleptomaniac: A thief with breeding.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Crime Definitions

Consciousness: The annoying time between naps.

Definitions

Longevity: Uncommon extension of the fear of death.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Death Definitions Language Life

Bus Driver: A person who tells people where to get off.

Activities Definitions Driving Occupations

Tact: The art of knowing how far one may go too far.

Communication Definitions

Marriage: A process of finding out what sort of guy your wife would have preferred.

Definitions Marriage

Derange: Where de buffalo roam.

Definitions

Small Town: Where everybody is interested in what the Joneses will name the latest baby, while a big city is where they worry about what the zoo will call the new elephant.

Definitions Places

Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Death Definitions

Necking: A passion fancy.

Definitions

Puberty: The awkward age when a child is too old to say something cute and too young to say something sensible.

Age Definitions

Spilt Milk: Udder waste.

Definitions Food/Drink Wordplay

Economist: One who takes a lot of unwarranted assumptions and reaches a foregone conclusion.

Definitions Occupations Work

Black Eye: A stamp of disapproval.

Definitions

Easy: Used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

Definitions People Sex Women

Alimony: The fee a woman charges for name-dropping.

Definitions Marriage

Rum: Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Alcohol Definitions

Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad’s payroll – and on to his wife’s.

Definitions Education School