Subject: Definitions (Page 58)

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Indifference: A woman’s feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man as “playing hard to get.”

Definitions

Foot: A politician’s pacifier.

Definitions Politicians

Savages: People who don’t know what is wrong until missionaries show them.

Definitions People

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

Definitions Occupations

Divorce: A splitting headache.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body Definitions

Umbilical Cord: Baby bungee.

Definitions

Advice: A commodity peddled by your lawyer and given away by your mother-in-law, but impossible to dispose of yourself. Famous as the one thing which it is “More blessed to give than receive.”

Definitions

Auctioneer: The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

Definitions Occupations

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Definitions

Bisexual: A person who pays for sex.

Definitions

Connoisseur: A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Intelligence Language

Hospitality: The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.

Definitions

Budget: Telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went.

Definitions

Hypochondriac: One who can’t leave well-enough alone.

Definitions Health

Opportunist: One who goes ahead and does what you always planned to do. 

Definitions

Will: A dead giveaway.

Death Definitions

Bridegroom: A man who is amazed at the outcome of what he thought was a harmless little flirtation.

Definitions

After-Dinner Speaker: A person who only has a few words to say, but seldom stops when he has said them.

Definitions

Mirror: A truthful reflector shunned by vampires, hypocrites and aging fashion models.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Things

Y Chromosome: A line of genes designed for men only.

Definitions Men People