Subject: Definitions (Page 59)

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Adolescence: The age between puberty and adultery.

Age Definitions Sex

Tact: The art of knowing how far one may go too far.

Communication Definitions

Banquet: A fifty-cent dinner served in sufficient quantity to enable a caterer to charge twenty dollars for it.

Definitions Food/Drink

Kiss: A course of procedure, cunningly devised, for the mutual stoppage of speech at a moment when words are superfluous.

Definitions

Farmer: A handy man with a sense of humus.

Definitions Wordplay

Accordionated: Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.

Definitions Wordplay

Coaching: Eliminating mistakes before you get fired.

Definitions

Life: A span of time of which the first half is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Children Definitions Parents

Glutton: A person who takes the piece of French pastry you wanted.

Definitions Eating Food/Drink People

Unitarian: One who denies the divinity of a Trinitarian.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Virtue: Lack of opportunity.

Characteristics Definitions

Contempt: The feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too formidable safely to be opposed.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Anatomy: Something that everyone has, but it looks better on a girl.

Appearance Body Definitions

Exercise: The joy of flex.

Activities Definitions Exercise

A farm is an irregular patch of nettles bounded by short-term notes, containing a fool and his wife who didn’t know enough to stay in the city.

(1904 – 1979) Jewish-American humorist, author & screenwriter
Definitions Places Things

Detour: The roughest distance between two points.

Activities Definitions Travel

Employment Agency: Where people are put in their place.

Definitions Work

Accountant: Someone hired to explain that you didn’t make the money you did.

Definitions Occupations

Troops: Expendable bodies sent by the government to stop bullets during obscure foreign uprisings.

Definitions Military

Castration: A eunuch experience.

Definitions Wordplay

Consciousness: The annoying time between naps.

Definitions