Subject: Definitions (Page 6)

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Puttering: Woman’s word for man’s work.

Definitions

Ability: What you have to get by on if you don’t kiss-up to the boss.

Definitions

Communist: A fellow who will gladly divide his hunger and thirst with you if you’ll divide your beer and salami with him.

Definitions

Selfish: Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions

Capitol: The seat of misgovernment.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Government

Doctor: A guy who tells you if you don’t cut out something he’ll cut something out of you.

Definitions Doctors Health

Barometer: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Old Science/Weather

Fettuccine Alfredo: Macaroni and cheese for adults.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink

Plagiarize: To take the thought or style of another writer whom one has never, never read.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Reading/Writing

Tissue: Your daily nosepaper.

Definitions Wordplay

Slander: To lie, or tell the truth about someone.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions

Antiques: Furniture that is too old for poor folks but the right age for rich people.

Definitions Things

Optometrist: A person you have to see.

Definitions Doctors

Second Place: The first loser.

Definitions

Life: A continuous series of disasters which result in one’s death.

Death Definitions Life

Kilt: A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
America Clothing Definitions Places

Umpire: The original strike arbitrator.

Definitions Wordplay

Parents: The one thing children wear out faster than shoes.

Definitions Family Parents

Doorman: A genius who can open the door of your car with one hand, help you in with the other, and still have one left for the tip.

Definitions Occupations

Yawn: It’s always dullest just before the yawn.

Definitions Wordplay

Genealogist: One who traces your family history back as far as your money will go. 

Definitions Family