Subject: Definitions (Page 60)

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Penicillin: What to give a man who has everything.

Definitions Health Wordplay

Barber: A brilliant conversationalist who cuts hair for a sideline.

Conversation Definitions Occupations

Bore: A person who has nothing to say and says it.

Definitions

Window Screen: A device for keeping flies in the house.

Definitions Things

Old Age: When you find yourself using one bend-over to pick up two things.

Age Definitions Old

Stomach: A bowl-shaped cavity containing the organs of indigestion.

Body Definitions

Unimpeachable Source: The guy that started the rumor in the first place.

Definitions

A true gentleman is a man who may know how to play the bagpipes – but doesn’t.

Definitions

Dance: The action of moving rhythmically to music with a partner, a skill which a woman possesses naturally, but which a man acquires only for the short time in his young adulthood when he wishes to meet and impress young women, and abandons thereafter due to mysterious knee injuries.

Dance Definitions Entertainment

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Emotions Language Love

Detour: The roughest distance between two points.

Activities Definitions Travel

Death: A breath-taking experience.

Death Definitions

Connoisseur: A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Intelligence Language

Dorito Syndrome: Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content.

Definitions Food/Drink

Antique Shop: A junk store that has raised its prices.

Definitions

Waffle: A pancake with a nonskid tread.

Definitions Food/Drink

Falsies: Making mountains out of molehills.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Ice Fishing: Winter fishing method in which anglers use a variety of specialized equipment to catch colds.

Definitions

Eskimos: God’s frozen people.

Definitions People

Theory: A hunch with a college education.

Definitions

Mausoleum: The final and funniest folly of the rich.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Death Definitions Language Money Wealth