Subject: Definitions (Page 60)

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Urinalysis: The study of pissed off people.

Definitions Health Wordplay

VD: The gift that keeps on giving.

Definitions Health

Capital Punishment: Killing people who kill people to prove that killing people is wrong.

Crime Death Definitions Killing

Dermatologist: Person who makes rash judgments.

Definitions Doctors Health

Bisexual: A person who pays for sex.

Definitions

Will: A dead giveaway.

Death Definitions

Boxing: A mutual affliction of brain damage for the amusement of the public.

Boxing Definitions Sports

Rhetoric: Language in a dress suit.

Definitions Language

Martial Arts: A family of Asiatic self-defense disciplines consisting largely of sweeping ornamental gestures of the arms and legs – amusing to look at but disappointingly ineffective when one’s opponent is armed with a semi-automatic.

Definitions

Handkerchief: Cold Storage.

Definitions Health

Procrastination: The art of keeping up with yesterday.

Definitions

Dawn: 1. The time when men of reason go to bed. 2. When the sun first shines on your hangover.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Time

Grass: The green stuff that wilts in the yard and flourishes in the garden.

Definitions

University: A college with a stadium seating more than sixty thousand.

Definitions Education School

Banker: A pawn broker with a manicure.

Definitions Occupations Work

Aussie Kiss: Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

Definitions Sex

Budget: A method of worrying before you spend, instead of afterward.

Definitions

Jury: Twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

(1874 – 1963) American poet
Definitions Government Law Lawyers

Houseplants: Vegetable companions.

Definitions

Tact: The art of knowing how far one may go too far.

Communication Definitions

Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

Death Definitions