Subject: Definitions (Page 61)

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Judge: A man in a trying position.

Definitions Wordplay

Punctuality: The art of guessing correctly how late the other party is going to be.

Definitions Time

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Bulletin: Your receipt for attending church services.

Definitions

Lawyer: A professional advocate hired to bend the law on behalf of a paying client; for this reason considered the most suitable background for entry into politics.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Government

Amnesty: The state’s magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.

Definitions

Sidesaddle: How men, rather than women, would ride in a truly logical world.

Definitions Men Women

Adolescence: That period when children feel their parents should be told the facts of life.

Age Definitions

Capital Punishment: Killing people who kill people to prove that killing people is wrong.

Crime Death Definitions Killing

Alarm clock: An instrument used to wake up people who have no kids.

Children Definitions Family Things

Presidency: The greased pig in the field game of American politics.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Politics

Dark Ages: Knight time.

Definitions

Income: The sum of money which it costs more than to live.

Definitions Money

Yawn: Opening one’s mouth and wishing that others would close theirs.

Definitions

Osteopath: A man who works his fingers to your bones.

Definitions Doctors

Repressed: Sitting on one’s inner demon to keep it decorously immobilized, as practiced by lifelong Presbyterians or anyone who attempts to exchange pleasantries with a tyrannical boss.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Umbrella: A shelter for one and a shower for two.

Definitions Things

Courtship: A period during which a girl decides whether or not she can do better.

Definitions Relationships

Evangelist: A bearer of good tidings who gives us the good news and assures us of our own salvation and damnation of our neighbors.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Fiddlesticks: Violin bows.

Definitions

Cat: A pygmy lion who loathes mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Animals Cats Definitions