Subject: Definitions (Page 61)

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Short Vacation: Half a loaf.

Activities Definitions

Television: A means of getting a babysitter so Mom and Dad can get out to the movies.

Definitions Entertainment Television

Unimpeachable Source: The guy that started the rumor in the first place.

Definitions

No Exit: A sign indicating the most convenient way out of a building.

Definitions

Hobby: Something you do to have fun whether you enjoy it or not.

Activities Definitions

Consolation: The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Judge: A lawyer who once knew a politician.

Definitions Government Law

Tomorrow: What always comes but never arrives.

Definitions Future Time

Positive Thinking: self-improvement through self-deception.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Intelligence

Window Shopping: Eye browsing.

Activities Definitions Shopping

Awe: Wow of silence.

Definitions

Tax Reform: Taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven’t been taxed before.

Definitions Government Taxes

Teacher: A person who swore she would starve before teaching, and who has been doing both ever since.

Definitions Education

Respirator: An apparatus fitted over the nose and mouth… whereby to filter the visible universe in its passage to the lungs.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Things

Choir: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Congregation to lip-sync.

Definitions

Seamstress: 250 pounds in a size 6.

Appearance Definitions Fat

Osteopath: A man who works his fingers to your bones.

Definitions Doctors

Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar.

Autos Definitions Things

Smile: To expose a portion of one’s skeleton as a gesture of goodwill toward a fellow human.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Fettuccine Alfredo: Macaroni and cheese for adults.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink

Bureaucracy: A system that enables ten men to do the work of one.

Definitions Government