Subject: Definitions (Page 61)

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Jury: A group of 12 people, who, having lied to the judge about their health, hearing, and business engagements, have failed to fool him.

Definitions

Newlywed: What you and your spouse will officially be considered until your first anniversary, or until you go an entire week without sex (whichever comes first).

Definitions Marriage

Doctor: Someone who practices medicine but charges as if he knew.

Definitions Doctors Health

Opportunist: A person who, finding himself in hot water, decides he needs a bath anyway.

Definitions Situations

Bowling: Marbles for grown-ups.

Activities Definitions

Bore: One who insists upon talking about himself when you want to talk about yourself.

Definitions Self

Overeat: To dine.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Eating Food/Drink Language

Impotent: Willy-nilly.

Definitions Sex

Sense Of Humor: Being able to laugh at your friends’ misfortunes.

Definitions Emotions

Whoa!: A brake for horses.

Animals Definitions

I.T.: Customer Support without the common sense.

Definitions

Humility: The ability to act ashamed when you tell people how wonderful you are.

Definitions

Marriage: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Marriage

Neighbors: The strangers who live next door.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions People

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Definitions Science/Weather Taxes

Age: The time when everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.

Age Definitions Old

Financial Wizard: A person who can earn money faster than the family can spend it.

Definitions Money

Quickie: No sooner spread than done.

Definitions Sex

Invitro Fertilization: The innoculate conception.

Definitions

Apartment: A place where the landlord and the tenant are both trying to raise the rent.

Definitions

Expert: Any person who has tried and failed – and can tell you why.

Definitions