Subject: Definitions (Page 61)

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Economist: One who takes a lot of unwarranted assumptions and reaches a foregone conclusion.

Definitions Occupations Work

Vulgarity: The conduct of others.

Definitions

Passport: A document treacherously inflicted upon a citizen going abroad, exposing him as an alien and pointing him out for special reprobation and outrage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Definitions Individuals Things Travel

Conservative: A liberal who has just been mugged.

Beliefs Definitions

Creativity: The sudden cessation of stupidity.

Definitions Intelligence

Destiny: A tyrant’s authority for crime and a fool’s excuse for failure.

Definitions Future Time

Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman.

Definitions Marriage

Experience: The name an older man gives to his mistakes.

Definitions Mistakes

Teacher: A disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.

Children Definitions Education

Frisbeetarianism: The belief that, when you die, your Soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

Definitions

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Hospital Room: A place where friends of the patient go to talk to other friends of the patient.

Definitions

Summer camp is where the parents spend a thousand dollars so their daughter can learn to make a fifty-cent potholder.

Definitions Places

Ant: A small insect that, though always at work, still finds time to go to picnics.

Animals Definitions

Delegation: In American politics, an article of merchandise that comes in sets.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Government Language

Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning; old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age Definitions Old

Negotiating: The art of persuading your opponent to take the nice shiny copper penny and give you the wrinkled old paper money.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Money

Fad: A folly committed by enough of the right people to confer upon it the badge of status.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Consolation: The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Lawyer: A fellow who is willing to go out and spend your last cent to prove he’s right.

Definitions Lawyers

University: A college with a stadium seating more than sixty thousand.

Definitions Education School