Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Definitions
(Page 62)
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Strip Teaser: One who makes a bare living.
Anonymous
Body
Definitions
Occupations
Strip Teaser
Stock Market: A popular game of chance in which moneyed speculators gamble with the nation’s economy, the object being to amass as much unearned income as possible before one’s fellow gamblers withdraw from the game and precipitate a nationwide depression.
Anonymous
Definitions
Money
Gambling
Stock market
Impossible Lie: In golf, a ball that is in a position that is both completely obstructed by an immovable object and continuously observed by an incorruptible player.
Anonymous
Definitions
Golf
Sports
Impossible Lie
Three stages of sex in a man’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
Anonymous
Definitions
Men
Sex
Osteopath: A man who works his fingers to your bones.
Anonymous
Definitions
Doctors
Osteopath
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Anonymous
Definitions
Politicians
Tax Reform: Taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven’t been taxed before.
Anonymous
Definitions
Government
Taxes
Tax Reform
Liberal: A man who feel’s it’s his responsibility to spend a Conservative’s money.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Definitions
People
Conservative
Liberal
Consult: To seek another’s approval of a course already decided upon.
Anonymous
Definitions
Consult
Subsidy: A formula devised by politicians to give you back some of your own money in such a way that you are supposed to think it’s a gift.
Anonymous
Definitions
Subsidy
Adam’s Rib: The original bone of contention.
Anonymous
Definitions
Adam’s Rib
History: An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions
History
Time
Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Marital Freedom
Refinement: The ability to yawn without opening your mouth.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Definitions
Refinement
Statistician: A man who believes figures don’t lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won’t stand up either.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Statistician
Bowling Alley: A quiet place of amusement where you can hear a pin drop.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Bowling alley
Adolescents: People who never seem to realize that one day they will be as dumb as their parents.
Anonymous
Age
Definitions
Adolescents
Hindsight: What one experiences from changing too many diapers.
Anonymous
Definitions
Hindsight
Bore: A person who deprives you with solitude without providing company.
Gian Vincenza Gravina
Definitions
People
Bore
Dictator: One who thinks he can take it – no matter to whom it belongs.
Anonymous
Definitions
Dictator
Fishing: A delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Fishing
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