Subject: Definitions (Page 63)

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Lawsuit: A contest generally won by the party that can afford to reimburse the lawyers on both sides of the dispute.

Definitions Law Lawyers

Euphemisms: Unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne.

Definitions

Wagging Tail: A happy ending.

Definitions

Hair dresser: Someone who is able to create a hair style you will never be able to duplicate again.

Definitions

Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Age Definitions Food/Drink Health Old

Hangover: The moaning after the night before.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink Health

Ambulance: A vehicle used to show lawyers where the accident is.

Definitions

Church: Man’s effort to keep a roof over God’s head.

Beliefs Definitions God

Senior Executive: Anyone with an office on the carpeted corridor.

Definitions

Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to people better than you are.

Definitions Family People

Associate producer: Anybody who’s prepared to associate with a producer.

(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Definitions

Fortune teller: Séance fiction.

Definitions

Diamond: One of the hardest substances known to man – especially the payments on one.

Definitions Things

Travel Brochure: A trip teaser.

Definitions

English Channel: The BBC.

Definitions Entertainment Television

A conservative is a man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Beliefs Definitions People

Two-minute warning: When your baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Definitions

Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman.

Definitions Marriage

Connoisseur: A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Intelligence Language

Collection: A church function in which many take but a passing interest.

Definitions

Flashlight: A case for storing dead batteries.

Definitions Things