Subject: Definitions (Page 64)

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Boss: A personal dictator appointed to those of us fortunate enough to live in free societies.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

Professor: A person whose job is to tell students how to solve the problems of life he avoided by becoming a professor.

Definitions Education

Patron: A customer who doesn't ask prices.

Definitions

Compromise: A deal in which two people get what neither of them wanted.

Definitions

Golf: A pastime that gives people cooped up in the office all week a chance to lie and cheat outdoors.

Definitions Golf Sports

Bus Driver: A person who tells people where to get off.

Activities Definitions Driving Occupations

Reducing: Wishful shrinking.

Appearance Body Definitions Wordplay

Brain: An apparatus with which we think we think.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Intelligence Language

Accordian: An instrument inharmony with the sentiments of an assassin.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Entertainment Music

Engagement: A period in which a girl is placed in solitaire confinement.

Definitions Marriage

Cat: A lap warmer with a built-in buzzer.

Animals Cats Definitions

Neurotic: Someone who worries about things that didn’t happen in the past instead of worrying about things that won’t happen in the future.

Definitions People

Economist: One who takes a lot of unwarranted assumptions and reaches a foregone conclusion.

Definitions Occupations Work

Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.

Definitions

Prostitute: A busy body.

Definitions

Statistician: Someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

Definitions Occupations Work

Automatic: If something is automatic, that simple means that you can’t repair it yourself.

Definitions Murphy’s Laws Problems

Contract: An agreement to do something if nothing happens to prevent it.

Definitions

Intellectual: A guy who can keep his mind on a book at a beach.

Definitions People

Parking Meter: An automatic device that bets a dollar to your nickel that you can’t get back before the time runs out.

Definitions Things

Cabinet Maker: Counter fitter.

Definitions Occupations