Subject: Definitions (Page 64)

View All Definitions

Consultant: A jobless person who shows executives how to work.

Definitions

Patriotism: The willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons dreamed up by politicians.

Death Definitions

Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

Animals Definitions Eating Food/Drink

Yankee: The same as a quickie, but you can do it by yourself.

Definitions

Limit: Maximum number of a particular fish that an angler can take in a day. This number varies from place to place and species to species, but it is a largely theoretical restriction with little practical application.

Activities Definitions

Budget: Telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went.

Definitions

Psychology: The science that tells you what you already know in words you can’t understand.

Definitions Science/Weather

Philosophy: A study which enables man to be unhappy more intelligently.

Definitions Happiness Intelligence

Electrician: A person who wires for money.

Definitions Occupations Work

Carpet: A floor covering that is bought by the yard and worn by the foot.

Definitions

Redneck: Popular term for a rustic male, but rarely employed when addressing one in person.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions People

Nymphomania: A disease where the patient enjoys being bedridden.

Definitions Sex

Small Town: Where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and all buy the weekly newspaper to see how much the editor dares to print.

Definitions Places

Efficiency Expert: A man smart enough to tell you how to run your business and too smart to start his own.

Definitions

Dictator: One who thinks he can take it – no matter to whom it belongs.

Definitions

Current Events: Electric shocks.

Definitions

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Communication Definitions Reading/Writing

Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Definitions Family

Cat: A pygmy lion who loathes mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Animals Cats Definitions

Take: To acquire, frequently by force but preferably by stealth.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Situations

Nun: A creature of habit.

Definitions Religion