Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Definitions
(Page 64)
View All Definitions
Consultant: A jobless person who shows executives how to work.
Anonymous
Definitions
Consultant
Patriotism: The willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons dreamed up by politicians.
Anonymous
Death
Definitions
Patriotism
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
Anonymous
Animals
Definitions
Eating
Food/Drink
Chickens
Yankee: The same as a quickie, but you can do it by yourself.
Anonymous
Definitions
Yankee
Limit: Maximum number of a particular fish that an angler can take in a day. This number varies from place to place and species to species, but it is a largely theoretical restriction with little practical application.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Fishing
Limit
Budget: Telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went.
Anonymous
Definitions
Budget
Psychology: The science that tells you what you already know in words you can’t understand.
Anonymous
Definitions
Science/Weather
Psychology
Philosophy: A study which enables man to be unhappy more intelligently.
Anonymous
Definitions
Happiness
Intelligence
Philosophy
Electrician: A person who wires for money.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Work
Electrician
Carpet: A floor covering that is bought by the yard and worn by the foot.
Anonymous
Definitions
Carpet
Redneck: Popular term for a rustic male, but rarely employed when addressing one in person.
Rick Bayan
(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions
People
Redneck
Nymphomania: A disease where the patient enjoys being bedridden.
Anonymous
Definitions
Sex
Nymphomania
Small Town: Where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and all buy the weekly newspaper to see how much the editor dares to print.
Anonymous
Definitions
Places
Small town
Efficiency Expert: A man smart enough to tell you how to run your business and too smart to start his own.
Anonymous
Definitions
Efficiency Expert
Dictator: One who thinks he can take it – no matter to whom it belongs.
Anonymous
Definitions
Dictator
Current Events: Electric shocks.
Definitions
Current Events
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Oliver Herford
(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Communication
Definitions
Reading/Writing
Manuscript
Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Anonymous
Definitions
Family
Mother-in-law
Cat: A pygmy lion who loathes mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings.
Oliver Herford
(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Animals
Cats
Definitions
Take: To acquire, frequently by force but preferably by stealth.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions
Situations
Take
Nun: A creature of habit.
Anonymous
Definitions
Religion
Nun
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