Subject: Definitions (Page 64)

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Ventriloquist: A man who never speaks for himself.

Communication Definitions Speech

Good Advice: What a man gives when he gets too old to set a bad example.

Beliefs Definitions Opinion

Consult: To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Middle age: When a woman’s hair starts turning from gray to black.

Age Appearance Definitions Hair

Desertion: The poor man’s divorce.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

Prophylactic: A rubber check.

Definitions

Girdle: The difference between fact and figure.

Appearance Body Clothing Definitions

Amateur: A person too stupid to profit from the talent they possess.

British writer, cartoonist, poet & performer
Definitions

State-of-the-Art: Soon-to-be-obsolete.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Choir: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Congregation to lip-sync.

Definitions

Skeleton: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

Body Definitions

Memorial Service: A farewell party for someone who has already left.

Death Definitions

Genealogist: One who traces your family history back as far as your money will go. 

Definitions Family

Newlywed: What you and your spouse will officially be considered until your first anniversary, or until you go an entire week without sex (whichever comes first).

Definitions Marriage

Kilt: A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
America Clothing Definitions Places

Quickie: No sooner spread than done.

Definitions Sex

American Idealism: Being willing to make any sacrifice that won’t hurt business.

Definitions

Toupée: Top secret.

Appearance Definitions Hair

Businessman: One who could have made more money with less trouble in an easier line.

Definitions Occupations

Garage: An attic on a lower level.

Definitions

Scotsman: A man who, before sending his pajamas to the laundry, stuffs a sock in each pocket.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Frugal Money People