Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Definitions
(Page 65)
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Easy Payments: The ones that are easier said than done.
Anonymous
Definitions
Easy payments
Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that hey cannot separately plunder a third.
Anonymous
Definitions
Politics
Alliance
Roulette: A wheel that seldom takes a turn for the bettor.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Games
Betting
Roulette
Philanthropist: One who gives away what he should give back.
Anonymous
Definitions
Philanthropist
Martial Arts: A family of Asiatic self-defense disciplines consisting largely of sweeping ornamental gestures of the arms and legs – amusing to look at but disappointingly ineffective when one’s opponent is armed with a semi-automatic.
Anonymous
Definitions
Martial Arts
Consultant: Someone who knows 101 ways to make love, but can’t get a date.
Anonymous
Definitions
Consultant
Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Alimony
Daughter: A person who Dad likes because she reminds him why he married his wife, and who Mom is afraid of because she reminds her of why her husband married her.
Unknown
Definitions
Family
Daughter
Fad: Something that goes in one era and out the other.
Anonymous
Definitions
Fad
Associate producer: Anybody who’s prepared to associate with a producer.
Billy Wilder
(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Definitions
Associate producer
Experimental psychologist: A scientist who pulls habits out of rats.
Leonard L. Levinson
(1904 – 1974) American author & radio producer
Definitions
Occupations
Wordplay
Work
Psychologists
Spoonerism
Twice: Once too often.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions
Situations
Twice
Pocket Watch: A watch for people who don’t like having time on their hands.
Anonymous
Definitions
Time
Pocket Watch
Democracy: A state of mind in which every man is as good as every other man, provided he really is.
Anonymous
Definitions
Democracy
Government
Flirt: A girl who got the boy you wanted.
Anonymous
Definitions
Flirt
Dentist: man who lives from hand to mouth.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Dentist
Deficit: What you have when you don’t have as much as if you had nothing.
Anonymous
Definitions
Money
Deficit
Chauffeur: A man who is smart enough to operate an automobile, but clever enough not to own one.
Anonymous
Autos
Definitions
Things
Chauffeur
Bureaucracy: The art of making the possible seem impossible.
Anonymous
Definitions
Woman: An animal… having rudimentary susceptibility to domestication… The species is the most widely distributed of all beast of prey… The woman is omnivorous and can be taught not to talk.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions
Men
People
Coach: A fellow who will gladly lay down your life for the school.
Anonymous
Definitions
Coach
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