Subject: Definitions (Page 65)

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Easy Payments: The ones that are easier said than done.

Definitions

Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that hey cannot separately plunder a third.

Definitions Politics

Roulette: A wheel that seldom takes a turn for the bettor.

Activities Definitions Games

Philanthropist: One who gives away what he should give back.

Definitions

Martial Arts: A family of Asiatic self-defense disciplines consisting largely of sweeping ornamental gestures of the arms and legs – amusing to look at but disappointingly ineffective when one’s opponent is armed with a semi-automatic.

Definitions

Consultant: Someone who knows 101 ways to make love, but can’t get a date.

Definitions

Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

Definitions Marriage

Daughter: A person who Dad likes because she reminds him why he married his wife, and who Mom is afraid of because she reminds her of why her husband married her.

Definitions Family

Fad: Something that goes in one era and out the other.

Definitions

Associate producer: Anybody who’s prepared to associate with a producer.

(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Definitions

Experimental psychologist: A scientist who pulls habits out of rats.

(1904 – 1974) American author & radio producer
Definitions Occupations Wordplay Work

Twice: Once too often.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Situations

Pocket Watch: A watch for people who don’t like having time on their hands.

Definitions Time

Democracy: A state of mind in which every man is as good as every other man, provided he really is.

Definitions Democracy Government

Flirt: A girl who got the boy you wanted.

Definitions

Dentist: man who lives from hand to mouth.

Definitions Occupations

Deficit: What you have when you don’t have as much as if you had nothing.

Definitions Money

Chauffeur: A man who is smart enough to operate an automobile, but clever enough not to own one.

Autos Definitions Things

Bureaucracy: The art of making the possible seem impossible.

Definitions

Woman: An animal… having rudimentary susceptibility to domestication… The species is the most widely distributed of all beast of prey… The woman is omnivorous and can be taught not to talk.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Men People

Coach: A fellow who will gladly lay down your life for the school.

Definitions