Subject: Definitions (Page 66)

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The best definition of an honest politician is one who… when he is bought, stays bought.

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Definitions Government Politicians

Alimony: A splitting headache.

Definitions Marriage

Spine: A long, limber bone. Your head sets on one end and you set on the other.

Definitions

Bisexual: A person who pays for sex.

Definitions

Fern: A plant that you’re supposed to water once a day, and when you don’t it dies, but if you do it dies anyway, only not so soon.

Definitions

Suburbia: Where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them.

Definitions Places

Sweater: Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Appearance Clothing Definitions

Credit: A commodity that becomes better the less it is used.

Definitions

Waffle: A pancake with a nonskid tread.

Definitions Food/Drink

Consultant: A jobless person who shows executives how to work.

Definitions

Parenthood: Feeding the mouth that bites you.

Definitions Family Parents Wordplay

Toothache: The pain that drives you to extraction.

Definitions Health

Doctor: A man who suffers from good health.

Definitions Doctors

Auditor: A person who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded.

Definitions Occupations

Life: A sexually transmitted disease with 100% fatality rate.

Definitions Life

I.O.U.: A type of paper wait.

Definitions

Honest Politician: One who, when he is bought, will stay bought.

Definitions Government Politicians

Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Definitions Family

Propaganda: Baloney disguised as food for thought.

Definitions Wordplay

Dictatorship: A place where public opinion can’t even be expressed privately.

Definitions Government

Heir Fare: Executor’s fee.

Definitions Wordplay