Subject: Definitions (Page 67)

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Insurance: A form of gambling in which we bet our chance of escaping disaster, and win only when we lose.

Definitions

Zoo: A place of refuge where wild animals are protected from people.

Animals Definitions Places

Bus: A vehicle that runs faster when you run after it and runs slowly when you are inside it.

Definitions Driving

Eskimos: God’s frozen people.

Definitions People

Scotsman: A man who, before sending his pajamas to the laundry, stuffs a sock in each pocket.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Frugal Money People

Cabinet Maker: Counter fitter.

Definitions Occupations

Atomic Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Definitions

Babysitter: A teenager you pay $7 an hour to eat $20 worth of snacks.

Definitions

Honeymoon Sandwich: Just lettuce alone, with no dressing.

Definitions Marriage

Unitarian: One who denies the divinity of a Trinitarian.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Adolescence: The age between puberty and adultery.

Age Definitions Sex

Consolation: The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Spine: A long, limber bone. Your head sets on one end and you set on the other.

Definitions

Consult: To seek another’s approval of a course already decided upon.

Definitions

Nepotism: Putting on heirs.

Definitions Family

Destiny: A tyrant’s authority for crime and a fool’s excuse for failure.

Definitions Future Time

Unabated: A fishhook without a worm.

Definitions

Infidel: In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Diplomat: Someone who can lose all the points and still win the game.

Definitions

Amateur Athlete: An athlete who is paid in cash, not by check..

Definitions

Bored: To attend meetings.

Definitions