Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Definitions
(Page 67)
View All Definitions
Accountant: One who uses your books to figure his profit.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Accountant
Ant: A small insect that, though always at work, still finds time to go to picnics.
Anonymous
Animals
Definitions
Ant
Amen: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
Anonymous
Definitions
Amen
Credit: A commodity that becomes better the less it is used.
Anonymous
Definitions
Credit
Pacifist: A fellow who could attend a peace conference without getting into a fight.
Anonymous
Conflict
Definitions
Fights
People
Pacifist
Wolf: A fellow who wants his hands on a girl, but doesn’t want a girl on his hands.
Anonymous
Definitions
Men
People
Wolf
Government Bureau: Where the taxpayer’s shirt is kept.
Anonymous
Definitions
Government
Taxes
Government Bureau
Diplomacy: The ability to take something and make the other fellow believe he is giving it away.
Anonymous
Definitions
Diplomacy
Dictatorship: A place where public opinion can’t even be expressed privately.
Anonymous
Definitions
Government
Dictatorship
Discriminate: To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more objectionable than another.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Language
People
Discrimination
Fobia: The fear of misspelled words.
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
Reading/Writing
Fobia
Dirt: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
Anonymous
Definitions
Dirt
Three stages of sex in a man’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
Anonymous
Definitions
Men
Sex
Wedding License: A certificate that gives a woman the legal right to drive a man.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Wedding License
Abortion: Love's labor lost.
Anonymous
Definitions
Abortion
Earthquake: A topographical error.
Anonymous
Definitions
Earthquake
Parole: A period at the end of a sentence.
Anonymous
Definitions
Parole
University: A modern school where football is taught.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Education
Football
Language
School
University
Year: The exact length of time that will pass from the day you get married to the day you forget your first anniversary.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Time
Year
Revolution: An abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Conflict
Definitions
Government
Revolution
Patience: A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics
Communication
Definitions
Language
Despair
Patience
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