Subject: Definitions (Page 67)

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Quiet: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.

Children Definitions Family

Widow: A woman who knows her husband’s whereabouts at all times.

Definitions Marriage

Sales Resistance: The triumph of mind over patter.

Definitions

Temptation: Something which, when resisted, gives happiness and which, when yielded to, gives even greater happiness.

Definitions

Gold Digger: A fund-loving girl.

Definitions

Toupée: Top secret.

Definitions

Belong: To take your time.

Definitions

Auctioneer: The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

Definitions Occupations

e-mail: An advertising medium which is misused for personal messaging.

Communication Definitions

Bachelor: A man who has faults he doesn’t know about.

Definitions Men People

Kiss: What the child gets free, the young man steals, and the old man buys.

Definitions

Birth: The first and dirtiest of all disasters. 

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Situations

Fashion: Something that goes out of style as soon as most people have one.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

Definitions Marriage

Experience: Something you don’t get until just after you needed it.

Definitions

Physician: One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Health Language

AAA-AA: A club for people who are being driven to drink.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

Trick Photography: Focus pocus.

Definitions

Lawyer: Men whom we hire to protect us from lawyers.

Definitions Lawyers

News: The same thing happening today that happened yesterday, but to different people.

Definitions

Scotsman: A man who, before sending his pajamas to the laundry, stuffs a sock in each pocket.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Frugal Money People