Subject: Definitions (Page 67)

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Congress: A body of men brought together to slow down the government.

Congress Definitions Government

Small Town: Where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and all buy the weekly newspaper to see how much the editor dares to print.

Definitions Places

Agnostic: A person who says that he knows nothing about God and, when you agree with him, he becomes angry.

Beliefs Definitions God

Two-minute warning: When your baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Definitions

B Flat: An apiary.

Definitions

Newspaper: A publication that condemns gambling and promotes lottery numbers.

Definitions

Major: Area of study that no longer interests you.

Definitions Education Learning

Accomplice: One who lacks brains as well as honesty.

Definitions

Mausoleum: The final and funniest folly of the rich.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Death Definitions Language Money Wealth

Voting: A process of standing in line for the opportunity to help decide which party will spend your money.

Definitions

Strapless Gown: A compromise between the law of decency and the law of gravity.

Clothing Definitions

Altar: Place where a man loses control of himself.

Definitions Marriage

G String: Gownless evening strap.

Clothing Definitions

Accordian: An instrument inharmony with the sentiments of an assassin.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Entertainment Music

Recursion: If you still don't get it, See: Recursion.

Definitions

Yawn: It’s always dullest just before the yawn.

Definitions Wordplay

Wedding: A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Marriage People

Post Office: U.S. Snail.

Communication Definitions

Lecher: A stud with liver spots.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Durable Goods: Those that last longer than the time payments.

Definitions Things

CPR: An emergency exercise that helps concerned onlookers feel useful while the victim expires.

Definitions Health