Subject: Definitions (Page 67)

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Accountant: One who uses your books to figure his profit.

Definitions Occupations

Ant: A small insect that, though always at work, still finds time to go to picnics.

Animals Definitions

Amen: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

Definitions

Credit: A commodity that becomes better the less it is used.

Definitions

Pacifist: A fellow who could attend a peace conference without getting into a fight.

Conflict Definitions Fights People

Wolf: A fellow who wants his hands on a girl, but doesn’t want a girl on his hands.

Definitions Men People

Government Bureau: Where the taxpayer’s shirt is kept.

Definitions Government Taxes

Diplomacy: The ability to take something and make the other fellow believe he is giving it away.

Definitions

Dictatorship: A place where public opinion can’t even be expressed privately.

Definitions Government

Discriminate: To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more objectionable than another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language People

Fobia: The fear of misspelled words.

Communication Definitions Reading/Writing

Dirt: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

Definitions

Three stages of sex in a man’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

Definitions Men Sex

Wedding License: A certificate that gives a woman the legal right to drive a man.

Definitions Marriage

Abortion: Love's labor lost.

Definitions

Earthquake: A topographical error.

Definitions

Parole: A period at the end of a sentence.

Definitions

University: A modern school where football is taught.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Education Football Language School

Year: The exact length of time that will pass from the day you get married to the day you forget your first anniversary.

Definitions Marriage Time

Revolution: An abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Conflict Definitions Government

Patience: A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language