Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Definitions
(Page 67)
View All Definitions
Congress: A body of men brought together to slow down the government.
Anonymous
Congress
Definitions
Government
Small Town: Where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and all buy the weekly newspaper to see how much the editor dares to print.
Anonymous
Definitions
Places
Small town
Agnostic: A person who says that he knows nothing about God and, when you agree with him, he becomes angry.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Definitions
God
Agnostic
Two-minute warning: When your baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
Anonymous
Definitions
Two-minute warning
B Flat: An apiary.
Anonymous
Definitions
Bees
Newspaper: A publication that condemns gambling and promotes lottery numbers.
Anonymous
Definitions
Newspaper
Major: Area of study that no longer interests you.
Anonymous
Definitions
Education
Learning
Major
Accomplice: One who lacks brains as well as honesty.
Anonymous
Definitions
Accomplice
Mausoleum: The final and funniest folly of the rich.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Death
Definitions
Language
Money
Wealth
Mausoleum
Voting: A process of standing in line for the opportunity to help decide which party will spend your money.
Anonymous
Definitions
Strapless Gown: A compromise between the law of decency and the law of gravity.
Anonymous
Clothing
Definitions
Strapless Gown
Altar: Place where a man loses control of himself.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Altar
G String: Gownless evening strap.
Anonymous
Clothing
Definitions
G string
Accordian: An instrument inharmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions
Entertainment
Music
Accordian
Recursion: If you still don't get it, See: Recursion.
Definitions
Recursion
Yawn: It’s always dullest just before the yawn.
Anonymous
Definitions
Wordplay
Yawn
Wedding: A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions
Marriage
People
Ceremony
Wedding
Post Office: U.S. Snail.
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
Mail
Post Office
Lecher: A stud with liver spots.
Rick Bayan
(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions
Lecher
Durable Goods: Those that last longer than the time payments.
Anonymous
Definitions
Things
Durable Goods
CPR: An emergency exercise that helps concerned onlookers feel useful while the victim expires.
Anonymous
Definitions
Health
CPR
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