Subject: Definitions (Page 67)

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Hat: Something the average man covers his head with, the beggar passes around, the statesman throws into the ring, and the politician talks through.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Alcatraz: A pen with a lifetime guarantee.

Definitions Wordplay

Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that hey cannot separately plunder a third.

Definitions Politics

Sabbatical: A Latin word meaning, “I quit, but you won’t know it for certain for a year.”

Definitions

Group Therapy: A drama-in-the-round staged for the entertainment of a professional therapist, who commands the players to put on a new show each week and charges them for the privilege.

Definitions

Aborigines: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country.

Definitions People

Indifference: A woman’s feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man as “playing hard to get.”

Definitions

Penis: The male organ used to write one’s name in snow.

Body Definitions Men

Liberal: One who tolerates all beliefs and opinions except those with which he disagrees.

Beliefs Definitions

Propaganda: Baloney disguised as food for thought.

Definitions Wordplay

Coffee: Break fluid.

Definitions Food/Drink Wordplay

Conservative: A liberal who has just been mugged.

Beliefs Definitions

Quotation: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Speech

Pessimism: A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language

Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No Hard Feelings.”

Definitions Sex

Bad Driver: The person you run into.

Autos Definitions Things

Opportunity: A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions

Business Forecaster: A person who is uncertain about the future and hazy about the present.

Definitions

Senate: A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Congress Definitions Government

Bogey: The number of strokes needed to finish a hole by a golfer of average skill and above-average honesty.

Definitions Golf Sports

Fishing: A delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.

Activities Definitions