Subject: Definitions (Page 68)

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Television: A means of getting a babysitter so Mom and Dad can get out to the movies.

Definitions Entertainment Television

Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Definitions

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Definitions

Wagging Tail: A happy ending.

Definitions

Tavern: Thirst come, thirst served.

Definitions Food/Drink

Gimme: An agreement between two duffer golfers who can’t putt.

Definitions Golf Sports

Garage: An attic on a lower level.

Definitions

Blind Date: When you expect to meet a vision and he turns out to be a sight.

Dating Definitions Relationships

Female: One who believes if you charge it, it’s not spending, and if you add a cherry to it, it’s not intoxicating.

Definitions People

Scissors: A piece maker.

Definitions Things

Altar: Place where a man loses control of himself.

Definitions Marriage

Silicone Treatment: The bust that money can buy.

Appearance Body Definitions

Childbirth: You get to go through thirty-six hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say, ‘focus… breathe… push…’

Definitions

Waffle: A pancake with a nonskid tread.

Definitions Food/Drink

Vacation: A change of routine that makes you feel good enough to go back to work and poor enough to have to.

Definitions

Democracy: A small hard core of common agreement, surrounded by a rich variety of individual difference.

Definitions Democracy Government

Liberal: A man who feel’s it’s his responsibility to spend a Conservative’s money.

Beliefs Definitions People

Selfish: Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions

Ice Fishing: Winter fishing method in which anglers use a variety of specialized equipment to catch colds.

Definitions

Fiddle: An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Animals Definitions Music

Mausoleum: The final and funniest folly of the rich.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Death Definitions Language Money Wealth