Subject: Definitions (Page 68)

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Interesting: A word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.

Communication Definitions Speech

Rite: A religious or semi-religious ceremony fixed by law, precept or custom, with the essential oil of sincerity carefully squeezed out of it.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions

Inertia: Tendency of a skier’s body to resist changes in direction or speed due to the action of Newton’s First Law of Motion.

Definitions Science/Weather

Chaperoning: A spectator spoil-sport.

Definitions

Wisdom: Knowing when to speak your mind and when to mind your speech.

Definitions Intelligence Wisdom

Adolescents: People who never seem to realize that one day they will be as dumb as their parents.

Age Definitions

Bisexual: A person who pays for sex.

Definitions

Tavern: Thirst come, thirst served.

Definitions Food/Drink

Sterilize: What you do to your baby’s first pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it on your shirt.

Definitions Family

Bogey: The number of strokes needed to finish a hole by a golfer of average skill and above-average honesty.

Definitions Golf Sports

Mouth: In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

The word ‘politics’ is derived from the word ‘poly,’ meaning ‘many,’ and the word ‘ticks,’ meaning ‘blood sucking parasites.’

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Communication Definitions Government Language Politics

Mugger: A benevolent citizen of the streets who frequently spares the lives of total strangers in exchange for any cash and valuables in their possession.

Crime Definitions

Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting.

Definitions Marriage

Pocket Watch: A watch for people who don’t like having time on their hands.

Definitions Time

Epitaph: A belated advertisement for a line of goods that has been permanently discontinued.

Death Definitions

Dentist: A collector of old magazines.

Definitions Occupations

Middle age: When a woman’s hair starts turning from gray to black.

Age Appearance Definitions Hair

Puritan: A person who pours righteous indignation into the wrong things.

Definitions

X-chromosome: A genetic double-cross that empowers women with the ability to bear children and reserves for men the right to be color-blind hemophiliacs.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Women

Diplomacy: The art of letting someone else have your own way.

Definitions