Subject: Definitions (Page 68)

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Vacation: A change of routine that makes you feel good enough to go back to work and poor enough to have to.

Definitions

Vacation: Where you take the family to get away from it all, only to find it there, too.

Definitions

Judge: A man in a trying position.

Definitions Wordplay

Teacher: A person who swore she would starve before teaching, and who has been doing both ever since.

Definitions Education

Passport: A document treacherously inflicted upon a citizen going abroad, exposing him as an alien and pointing him out for special reprobation and outrage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Definitions Individuals Things Travel

Brute Force: When your brain doesn’t work, just keep beating on the problem until one of you dies.

Definitions

Fruitcake: The gift that keeps on giving.

Definitions

Coach: A fellow who will gladly lay down your life for the school.

Definitions

Lecher: A stud with liver spots.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Quickie: No sooner spread than done.

Definitions Sex

Experience: Something you don’t get until just after you needed it.

Definitions

Footnote: Useless information placed where you can skip it.

Definitions

Cat: A lap warmer with a built-in buzzer.

Animals Cats Definitions

Father: A guy who is working his child’s way through college.

Definitions Family Fathers

Deliberation: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

College: A fountain of knowledge where students gather to drink.

Definitions Education School

Y-chromosome: A line of genes designed for men only; the cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Men

Gluttony: A sign something is eating us.

Definitions Eating Food/Drink

Lecture: A process by which the notes of the professor become the notes of the student, without passing through the minds of either.

Definitions Education School

Taxi Driver: Worker who earns a living by driving customers away.

Definitions Occupations

Doctor: The only man who hasn’t a guaranteed cure for a cold.

Definitions Doctors Health