Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Definitions
(Page 69)
View All Definitions
Historian: An editor of yesterday’s news.
Anonymous
Definitions
History
Occupations
Time
Work
Historian
Statistician: A man who believes figures don’t lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won’t stand up either.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Statistician
Alibi: Slip cover.
Anonymous
Definitions
Alibi
Convict: The only person who likes to be stopped in the middle of a sentence.
Anonymous
Crime
Definitions
Convict
Diagnosis: A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Health
Language
Money
Diagnosis
Inertia: Tendency of a skier’s body to resist changes in direction or speed due to the action of Newton’s First Law of Motion.
Anonymous
Definitions
Science/Weather
Inertia
Skiing
Executive Shakeup: Title wave.
Anonymous
Definitions
Executive Shakeup
No Exit: A sign indicating the most convenient way out of a building.
Anonymous
Definitions
Exit
Borrower: A person who always wants to be left a loan.
Anonymous
Definitions
Borrower
Professional model: cheekbones that sell cosmetics; hipbones that sell anorexia.
Rick Bayan
(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Appearance
Body
Definitions
Professional model:
Friend: A person who listens attentively while you say nothing.
Anonymous
Definitions
Friends
People
Voting: A process of standing in line for the opportunity to help decide which party will spend your money.
Anonymous
Definitions
Tact: The ability to arrive at conclusions without expressing them.
Anonymous
Definitions
Tact
Genealogy: An account of one’s descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.
Anonymous
Definitions
Family
Genealogy
Vegetarian: Indian word for bad hunter.
Anonymous
Definitions
Vegetarian
Forger: A man who made a name for himself.
Anonymous
Definitions
Forger
Heir Cut: Disinheritance.
Anonymous
Definitions
Heir Cut
Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offense.
Anonymous
Definitions
Apologize
User-Friendly: Of or pertaining to any feature, device or concept that makes perfect sense to its programmer.
Anonymous
Computers
Definitions
Things
User-Friendly
Courtship: A period during which a girl decides whether or not she can do better.
Anonymous
Definitions
Relationships
Courtship
Clergyman: A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Definitions
Occupations
Clergyman
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