Subject: Definitions (Page 69)

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Historian: An editor of yesterday’s news.

Definitions History Occupations Time Work

Statistician: A man who believes figures don’t lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won’t stand up either.

Definitions Occupations

Alibi: Slip cover.

Definitions

Convict: The only person who likes to be stopped in the middle of a sentence.

Crime Definitions

Diagnosis: A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Health Language Money

Inertia: Tendency of a skier’s body to resist changes in direction or speed due to the action of Newton’s First Law of Motion.

Definitions Science/Weather

Executive Shakeup: Title wave.

Definitions

No Exit: A sign indicating the most convenient way out of a building.

Definitions

Borrower: A person who always wants to be left a loan.

Definitions

Professional model: cheekbones that sell cosmetics; hipbones that sell anorexia.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Appearance Body Definitions

Friend: A person who listens attentively while you say nothing.

Definitions Friends People

Voting: A process of standing in line for the opportunity to help decide which party will spend your money.

Definitions

Tact: The ability to arrive at conclusions without expressing them.

Definitions

Genealogy: An account of one’s descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.

Definitions Family

Vegetarian: Indian word for bad hunter.

Definitions

Forger: A man who made a name for himself.

Definitions

Heir Cut: Disinheritance.

Definitions

Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offense.

Definitions

User-Friendly: Of or pertaining to any feature, device or concept that makes perfect sense to its programmer.

Computers Definitions Things

Courtship: A period during which a girl decides whether or not she can do better.

Definitions Relationships

Clergyman: A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.

Beliefs Definitions Occupations