Subject: Definitions (Page 69)

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Selfishness: A state of mine.

Definitions

Sport: War without killing.

Definitions

Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Self

Slang: Language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work.

Communication Definitions Language

Marriage: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Marriage

Adolescents: People who never seem to realize that one day they will be as dumb as their parents.

Age Definitions

Statistician: A person who believes that if you put your head in a furnace and your feet in a bucket of iced water, on the average you should feel reasonably comfortable.

Definitions Occupations

Caramel: A substance for extracting children’s teeth.

Definitions Food/Drink

Virus: A Latin medical term meaning, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Definitions Health

Congress: A place where there are too many Democratic congressmen, too many Republican congressmen – and not enough U.S. Congressmen.

Congress Definitions Government

Science: An orderly arrangement of what, at the moment, seems to be the facts.

Beliefs Definitions Facts Science/Weather

Tricycle: A tot rod.

Definitions

A true gentleman is a man who may know how to play the bagpipes – but doesn’t.

Definitions

Hole-In-One: An occurrence in which a ball is hit directly from the tee into the hole on a single shot by a golfer playing alone.

Definitions Golf Sports

Narcissist: Psychoanalytic term for the person who loves himself more than his analyst.

Definitions People Self

Mercy: An attribute beloved of detected offenders.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language

Hero: One who is afraid to run away.

Definitions

Redneck: Popular term for a rustic male, but rarely employed when addressing one in person.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions People

Education: Forcing abstract ideas into concrete heads.

Definitions Ideas Intelligence

Toupée: Top secret.

Appearance Definitions Hair

Omen: A sign that something will happen if nothing happens.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language