Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Definitions
(Page 69)
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Slander: To lie, or tell the truth about someone.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics
Communication
Definitions
Slander
Mirror: A truthful reflector shunned by vampires, hypocrites and aging fashion models.
Rick Bayan
(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions
Things
Mirror
Yawn: An honest opinion openly expressed.
Anonymous
Definitions
Opinion
Yawn
Marriage ceremony: An incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and the law being dragged into the affairs of your family.
O.C. Ogilvie
Definitions
Marriage
Church: Man’s effort to keep a roof over God’s head.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Definitions
God
Bargain Hunter: One who is often led astray by false profits.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Shopping
Bargain Hunter
Contraceptives: What Protestants use on all conceivable occasions.
Anonymous
Definitions
Contraceptives
District of Columbia: A territory bounded on all sides by the United States of America.
Anonymous
Definitions
Places
District of Columbia
Philosopher: One who, instead of crying over spilt milk, consoles himself with the thought that it was over four-fifths water.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Philosopher
Fine Print: A clause for suspicion.
Anonymous
Definitions
Fine print
Friend: A person who listens attentively while you say nothing.
Anonymous
Definitions
Friends
People
Doughnut: Holey food.
Anonymous
Definitions
Food/Drink
Doughnut
Hot Pants: Breeches of promise.
Anonymous
Appearance
Clothing
Definitions
Hot pants
Gold Digger: A fund-loving girl.
Anonymous
Definitions
Gold Digger
Parents: One of the hardships of a minor’s life.
Anonymous
Definitions
Family
Parents
Bathing Suit: A garment cut to see level.
Anonymous
Appearance
Clothing
Definitions
Wordplay
Bathing suit
Zoo: A place where humans go and animals are barred.
Anonymous
Animals
Definitions
Zoo
Mausoleum: The final and funniest folly of the rich.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Death
Definitions
Language
Money
Wealth
Mausoleum
Gimme: An agreement between two duffer golfers who can’t putt.
Anonymous
Definitions
Golf
Sports
Gimme
Bus: A vehicle that runs faster when you run after it and runs slowly when you are inside it.
Anonymous
Definitions
Driving
Bus
Speed
Transportation
Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
Anonymous
Definitions
Future
Time
Tomorrow
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