Subject: Definitions (Page 69)

Slander: To lie, or tell the truth about someone.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Mirror: A truthful reflector shunned by vampires, hypocrites and aging fashion models.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter

Yawn: An honest opinion openly expressed.

Marriage ceremony: An incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and the law being dragged into the affairs of your family.

Church: Man’s effort to keep a roof over God’s head.

Bargain Hunter: One who is often led astray by false profits.

Contraceptives: What Protestants use on all conceivable occasions.

District of Columbia: A territory bounded on all sides by the United States of America.

Philosopher: One who, instead of crying over spilt milk, consoles himself with the thought that it was over four-fifths water.

Fine Print: A clause for suspicion.

Friend: A person who listens attentively while you say nothing.

Doughnut: Holey food.

Hot Pants: Breeches of promise.

Gold Digger: A fund-loving girl.

Parents: One of the hardships of a minor’s life.

Bathing Suit: A garment cut to see level.

Zoo: A place where humans go and animals are barred.

Mausoleum: The final and funniest folly of the rich.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Gimme: An agreement between two duffer golfers who can’t putt.

Bus: A vehicle that runs faster when you run after it and runs slowly when you are inside it.

Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.