Subject: Definitions (Page 69)

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Class Reunion: A gathering where you come to the conclusion that most of the people your own age are a lot older than you are.

Age Definitions

Riding: The art of keeping a horse between yourself and the ground.

Animals Definitions

Selfishness: A state of mine.

Definitions

Delta: A river with its mouth full of mud.

Definitions

Philosophers: People who talk about something they don’t understand, and make you think it’s your fault.

Definitions Intelligence People

Union: A dues-paying club workers wield to strike management.

Definitions Work

Hot Pants: Breeches of promise.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Childhood: The rapidly shrinking interval between infancy and first arrest on a drug or weapons charge.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Petting: The study of anatomy in braille.

Definitions Sex

Experience: Something you don’t get until just after you needed it.

Definitions

Lottery: The equivalent of betting that the next pope will be from Duluth, or that the parrot in the pet store window speaks Flemish.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Toast: The only thing that can be eaten or drunk.

Definitions

Dog Pound: A used cur lot.

Definitions

Retirement: The time of life when you stop lying about your age and start lying about the house.

Definitions Time Work

Sewing Circle: Where friendship hangs by a thread.

Definitions Friends Wordplay

CPR: An emergency exercise that helps concerned onlookers feel useful while the victim expires.

Definitions Health

Inflation: When nobody has enough money because everybody has too much.

Definitions Money

Kleenex: Your daily nose-paper.

Definitions

Vaccine: A microbe with his face washed.

Definitions Health

Heckler: A guy who ribs you the wrong way.

Definitions Wordplay

Age: The time when everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.

Age Definitions Old