Subject: Definitions (Page 70)

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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time; the man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Activities Definitions

Bowling: Marbles for grown-ups.

Activities Definitions

Ideologue: Typically an obscure humorless zealot who finds fulfillment by spouting the ideas of famous humorless zealots.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Beliefs Definitions

Neighbors: The strangers who live next door.

Definitions People

Altar: To change through marriage.

Definitions Marriage

Will: A dead giveaway.

Death Definitions

District of Columbia: A territory bounded on all sides by the United States of America.

Definitions Places

Sympathy: What one woman offers another in exchange for details.

Definitions

Dentures: Two rows of artificial ivories that may be removed periodically to frighten one's grandchildren or provide accompaniment to Spanish music.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Beer: The method of turning grain into urine.

Beer Definitions Food/Drink

Bore: A person who has nothing to say and says it.

Definitions

Fish: An animal that grows fastest between the time it is caught and the time a fisherman describes it to his friends.

Activities Animals Definitions

Teachers: United Mind Workers.

Definitions Education Wordplay

Communist: A guy who borrows your pot to cook your goose.

Definitions

Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Definitions

Class Reunion: Where everyone gets together to see who is falling apart

Definitions

Year: The exact length of time that will pass from the day you get married to the day you forget your first anniversary.

Definitions Marriage Time

Intuition: That strange instinct that tells a woman she is right, whether she is or not.

Characteristics Definitions People Women

Fishing: A venerable contest in which modern man pits his intelligence and technology against the native wit of primitive aquatic vertebrates, and generally finishes second.

Activities Definitions

Kleptomaniac: A thief with breeding.

Definitions

Expert: A man from another city, and the farther away that city is, the greater the expert.

Definitions