Subject: Definitions (Page 70)

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Contract: An agreement to do something if nothing happens to prevent it.

Definitions

Capitol: The seat of misgovernment.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Government

Husband: Someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

Reoriented: Sent back to China.

Definitions Wordplay

Bankruptcy: A fate worse than debt.

Definitions Money

Assembly Line: The notion that if a job is worth doing, it’s worth repeating 9,876 times a day.

Definitions

Abasement: A decent and customary mental attitude in the presence of wealth and power.

Definitions

Censor: A man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Communication Definitions Language

Dentures: Two rows of artificial ivories that may be removed periodically to frighten one's grandchildren or provide accompaniment to Spanish music.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Architects: People who now have to measure their patrons for the breakfast nook.

Definitions Occupations

Engagement: The time a girl takes until she finds out if she can do any better.

Definitions Relationships

Intelligent conversationalist: One who nods his head in agreement while you’re talking.

Communication Conversation Definitions Intelligence Speech

Rite: A religious or semi-religious ceremony fixed by law, precept or custom, with the essential oil of sincerity carefully squeezed out of it.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions

Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Death Definitions

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Definitions

Government Deficit: The difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect.

Definitions Government

Teenagers: People who express a burning drive to be different by dressing alike.

Age Definitions

Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman.

Definitions Marriage

Accountant: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Definitions Occupations

Longevity: Uncommon extension of the fear of death.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Death Definitions Language Life

Consolation: The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language