Subject: Definitions (Page 71)

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Tax Reform: Taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven’t been taxed before.

Definitions Government Taxes

Double Jeopardy: When your doctor calls in a consulting physician.

Definitions Doctors Health

Egotism: An anesthetic that nature gives to a man to deaden the pain of being a darn fool.

Definitions

Economist: A man who knows more about money than the people who have it.

Definitions Occupations People

Manicurist: A girl who makes money hand over fist.

Definitions Occupations Work

Hunch: What you call an idea that you’re afraid is wrong.

Definitions

Craze: The other guy’s hobby.

Definitions

Alimony: The sum of money a man is commanded to pay his ex-wife in exchange for the pleasure of having her live under a separate roof.

Definitions Marriage

Spinster: A lady in waiting.

Definitions People Women

Thrift: Common sense applied to spending.

Definitions Money

Bisexual: A person who pays for sex.

Definitions

Bigamist: A man who makes the same mistake twice.

Definitions Marriage

Derange: Where de buffalo roam.

Definitions

Statistician: A person who can draw a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. 

Definitions Occupations Science/Weather

Military Expert: One who tells you what’s going to happen tomorrow – then tells you why it didn’t.

Definitions Government Military

Culture: The visible evidence of a tribe of bacteria, as observed by microbiologists or cynics.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Whoa!: A brake for horses.

Animals Definitions

Baby: Nine months interest on a small deposit.

Children Definitions Family

Matrimony: A knot tied by a preacher and untied by a lawyer.

Definitions Marriage

Auctioneer: The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

Definitions Occupations

Old Age: When you wink at a girl and she says, “Something wrong with your eyes?”

Age Definitions