Subject: Definitions (Page 71)

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Zoo: A place where humans go and animals are barred.

Animals Definitions

Alarm clock: An instrument used to wake up people who have no kids.

Children Definitions Family Things

Baker: A person who kneads the dough.

Definitions Occupations

Dieting: The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.

Definitions Food/Drink

Parenthood: Feeding the mouth that bites you.

Definitions Family Parents Wordplay

In Mexico, we have a word for sushi… bait.

(1945 – 2008) American comedian & musician
Definitions Food/Drink Places

Scholarly Debate: Feud for thought.

Communication Definitions

Interpreter: A ventriloquist using two dummies.

Communication Definitions Language

Experience: Something you don’t get until just after you needed it.

Definitions

Clothes Dryer: An appliance designed to eat socks.

Definitions Things

Unabated: A fishhook without a worm.

Definitions

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Money Things

Life: A continuous series of disasters which result in one’s death.

Death Definitions Life

Golf: A pastime that gives people cooped up in the office all week a chance to lie and cheat outdoors.

Definitions Golf Sports

Democracy: A state of mind in which every man is as good as every other man, provided he really is.

Definitions Democracy Government

Hamper: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but not containing, dirty clothing.

Clothing Definitions

Shyster: The other fellow’s lawyer.

Definitions Lawyers

Spilt Milk: Udder waste.

Definitions Food/Drink Wordplay

Marriage: A deal in which a man gives away half his groceries in order to get the other half cooked.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Marriage

Travel Brochure: A trip teaser.

Definitions

Eccentric: A man too rich to be called crazy.

Definitions People