Subject: Definitions (Page 72)

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Clever Woman: One who knows how to give a man her own way.

Definitions

Scriptures: The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Agnostic: A person who says that he knows nothing about God and, when you agree with him, he becomes angry.

Beliefs Definitions God

Zircon: A diamond falsie.

Definitions

Caffeine: One of the four basic food groups.

Definitions Food/Drink

Patience: A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language

Conscience: An inner voice that warns us somebody is watching.

Definitions

Originality: The art of concealing your source.

Definitions

Budget: Telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went.

Definitions

Executive: A person who can take two hours for lunch without anybody missing him.

Definitions Occupations

Troops: Expendable bodies sent by the government to stop bullets during obscure foreign uprisings.

Definitions Military

Archive: Where the two bees stayed after Noah brought them aboard.

Definitions

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Definitions Family

Courtship: When a fellow and a girl are always trying to show how smart he is.

Definitions Relationships

Dictator: One who thinks he can take it – no matter to whom it belongs.

Definitions

Diagnosis: A physician’s forecast of the disease by the patient’s pulse and purse.

Definitions Health

Bridegroom: A man who is amazed at the outcome of what he thought was a harmless little flirtation.

Definitions

Class Reunion: A gathering where you come to the conclusion that most of the people your own age are a lot older than you are.

Age Definitions

Road: A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Autos Definitions Things Travel

Intuition: That strange instinct that tells a woman she is right, whether she is or not.

Characteristics Definitions People Women

Reducing: Wishful shrinking.

Appearance Body Definitions Wordplay