Subject: Definitions (Page 73)

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Savages: People who don’t know what is wrong until missionaries show them.

Definitions People

Twins: Womb-mates.

Definitions

Philosophers: People who talk about something they don’t understand, and make you think it’s your fault.

Definitions Intelligence People

Afterthought: A tardy sense of prudence that prompts one to try to shut his mouth about the time he has put his foot in it.

Definitions

Dog Kennel: A barking lot.

Animals Definitions Dogs

Executive Shakeup: Title wave.

Definitions

Physician: One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Health Language

Inflation: Being broke with a lot of money in your pocket.

Definitions Money

Brassiere: A bust stop.

Clothing Definitions

Hat: Something the average man covers his head with, the beggar passes around, the statesman throws into the ring, and the politician talks through.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Delegate-At-Large: A man at a convention whose wife didn’t accompany him.

Definitions

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

Appearance Body Definitions

Arithmetic: Being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes.

Definitions

Hallucination: A belief owned exclusively by one person.

Definitions

Ignoramus: Someone who doesn’t know something that you learned yesterday.

Definitions Intelligence

College: A four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.

Definitions Education School

Husband: A polygamous animal in a monogamous strait-jacket.

Definitions Marriage

Adolescence: A period in which children begin to question the answers.

Age Definitions

Chiropodist: A man who makes money hand over foot.

Definitions Doctors Occupations

Astronomer: Night watchman.

Definitions Occupations

Liberty: Consists in giving everyone full right to mind everyone else’s business.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions