Subject: Definitions (Page 73)

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Mission Statement: A long, awkward sentence that demonstrates management’s inability to think clearly.

Definitions

Righteous Indignation: Your own wrath, as opposed to the shocking bad temper of others.

Anger Definitions Emotions

Etiquette: Learning to yawn with your mouth closed.

Definitions

Wrinkles: Something other people have… you have character lines.

Appearance Body Definitions

Congress: A body of men who meet to repeal laws.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Government Language Law

Aborigines: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country.

Definitions People

Average: The poorest of the good and the best of the bad.

Definitions

America: A land where a citizen will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, and won’t cross the street to vote in a national election.

America Definitions Places

Umbilical Cord: Baby bungee.

Definitions

Zoo: A place where humans go and animals are barred.

Animals Definitions

Communist: A guy who borrows your pot to cook your goose.

Definitions

Discretion: When you are sure you are right and then ask your wife.

Definitions

Accident: When presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.

Accidents Definitions Problems

Spine: A long, limber bone. Your head sets on one end and you set on the other.

Definitions

Rejoinder: Married his ex.

Definitions Marriage

Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Definitions

Tact: The ability to describe others as they see themselves.

Communication Definitions

Necktie: A decorative noose worn by businessmen.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Clothing Definitions

Chic: Considered smart without the deadening implication of intelligence.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion

Professor: A person whose job is to tell students how to solve the problems of life he avoided by becoming a professor.

Definitions Education