Subject: Definitions (Page 74)

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Psychology: The care of the id by the odd.

Definitions Health Science/Weather

Flashlight: A case for storing dead batteries.

Definitions Things

Babysitter: A teenager you pay $7 an hour to eat $20 worth of snacks.

Definitions

Intuition: The strange instinct that tells a woman she is right whether she is or not.

Definitions Women

Hot Pants: Breeches of promise.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Honeymoon Sandwich: Just lettuce alone, with no dressing.

Definitions Marriage

Synonym: A word you use when you can’t spell the other word.

Definitions Language

Diet: A brief period of starvation followed by a gain of five pounds.

Definitions Food/Drink

Businessman: One who could have made more money with less trouble in an easier line.

Definitions Occupations

Destiny: A tyrant’s authority for crime and a fool’s excuse for failure.

Definitions Future Time

Testosterone: Hormone which causes facial hair, muscularity, a deep voice, speeding tickets, the desire to watch professional wrestling, Arnold Shwarzenegger movies, war, fist fights, and the need to purchase cocktails for women with names like “Boom Boom. ”

Definitions Men

Untold Wealth: That which does not appear on income tax returns.

Definitions Government Money Taxes

Armor: A knight gown.

Clothing Definitions

Tact: The ability to arrive at conclusions without expressing them.

Definitions

Gimme: An agreement between two duffer golfers who can’t putt.

Definitions Golf Sports

Oppose: To assist with obstructions and objections.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Fettuccine Alfredo: Macaroni and cheese for adults.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink

Taxation: The process by which money is collected from the people to pay the salaries of the men who do the collecting.

Definitions Government Taxes

Christmas: A warm, cheery two-month festival that celebrates the joy of retail merchandise.

Definitions

Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Art Definitions

Consciousness: The annoying time between naps.

Definitions