Subject: Definitions (Page 74)

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Liberty: Consists in giving everyone full right to mind everyone else’s business.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

Virus: A Latin medical term meaning, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Definitions Health

Clothes Dryer: An appliance designed to eat socks.

Definitions Things

Ventriloquist: A man with a dummy who always talks to himself.

Definitions

Discretion: Being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.

Definitions

Y-chromosome: A line of genes designed for men only; the cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Men

Altar: To change through marriage.

Definitions Marriage

Calendar: An attempt, underwritten by the principal religions, to make the heavenly bodies keep regular hours.

Definitions

Intimacy: The first step toward parenthood.

Definitions

Neighbors: People who live near you, who are never around when you need to borrow power tools or jumper cables, but who are everywhere when you are having a heated argument with your spouse.

Definitions People

Communist: A fellow who will gladly divide his hunger and thirst with you if you’ll divide your beer and salami with him.

Definitions

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Emotions Language Love

Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language

Perfume: What a woman hopes will make her the scenter of attention.

Definitions Wordplay

Hair dresser: Someone who is able to create a hair style you will never be able to duplicate again.

Definitions

Intuition: That strange instinct that tells a woman she is right, whether she is or not.

Characteristics Definitions People Women

Selfishness: Annoying quality of someone who has what I want, but is not prepared to give it to me.

Definitions

Cardiology: The study of poker playing.

Activities Definitions

Communism: Liberation of the people from the burdens of liberty.

Definitions Government

Dignity: Something that can’t be preserved in alcohol.

Definitions

Longevity: Uncommon extension of the fear of death.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Death Definitions Language Life