Subject: Definitions (Page 75)

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X Chromosome: a genetic double-cross that empowers women with the ability to bear children and reserves for men the right to be color-blind hemophiliacs.

Definitions Men People

Dorito Syndrome: Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content.

Definitions Food/Drink

Juvenile Delinquents: Other people’s children.

Definitions

Neighbors: The only people who listen to both sides of an argument.

Definitions People

Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors.

Computers Definitions Things

Liberty: Consists in giving everyone full right to mind everyone else’s business.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

Cleavage: Something which excites disapproval in everyone but the audience.

Body Definitions

Jumping At Conclusions: Not half as much exercise as digging for facts.

Definitions

Communism: Liberation of the people from the burdens of liberty.

Definitions Government

Craze: The other guy’s hobby.

Definitions

Congress: A strange forum where people get up and speak, nobody listens, and then everyone disagrees at the top of their lungs.

Congress Definitions Government

Woodpecker: A knocking bird.

Definitions

Outdo: To make an enemy.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

In Mexico, we have a word for sushi… bait.

(1945 – 2008) American comedian & musician
Definitions Food/Drink Places

A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.

(1907 – 1987) journalist & columnist
Definitions Work

Class Reunion: Where everyone gets together to see who is falling apart

Definitions

Life: A continuous series of disasters which result in one’s death.

Death Definitions Life

Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad’s payroll – and on to his wife’s.

Definitions Education School

Vasectomy: Never having to say you’re sorry.

Definitions

Brat: A child who displays his pest manners.

Definitions

Courtesy: Acceptable hypocrisy.

Definitions