Subject: Definitions (Page 75)

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Farm: What a city man dreams of at 5 p.m…. never at 5 a.m.

Definitions

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Definitions

Bachelor: A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.

Definitions Men People

X-chromosome: A genetic double-cross that empowers women with the ability to bear children and reserves for men the right to be color-blind hemophiliacs.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Women

Dawn: 1. The time when men of reason go to bed. 2. When the sun first shines on your hangover.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Time

Matrimony: The splice of life.

Definitions Marriage Wordplay

Fad: A folly committed by enough of the right people to confer upon it the badge of status.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion

Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.

Beliefs Definitions Honesty Lies

Slander: To lie, or tell the truth about someone.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions

Marriage: A process of finding out what sort of guy your wife would have preferred.

Definitions Marriage

Bride: A gal who puts her foot down as soon as her new husband has carried her over the threshold.

Definitions Marriage Wives

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Communication Definitions Speech

Congress: A place where there are too many Democratic congressmen, too many Republican congressmen – and not enough U.S. Congressmen.

Congress Definitions Government

Telemarketer: A minimum waged person who calls a bunch of people on a list to sell them something that they probably don’t need, and gets hung up on because the person being called usually has a mouth full of food.

Definitions Occupations

Foreword: An author’s apology.

Books Definitions

Neighbor: One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions People

Bowling Alley: A quiet place of amusement where you can hear a pin drop.

Activities Definitions

Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that hey cannot separately plunder a third.

Definitions Politics

Reform: To gain or lose weight.

Appearance Body Definitions

Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

Definitions Marriage