Subject: Definitions (Page 75)

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Elector: One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man’s choice.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Elections/Voting Government Language

Farm: A hunk of land on which, if you get up early enough mornings and work late enough nights, you’ll make a fortune – if you strike oil on it.

(1896 – 1988) American actor
Definitions TV/Movie Quotes

Twice: Once too often.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Situations

The Cocktail Party: A device for paying off obligations to people you don’t want to invite to dinner.

(1916 – 1986) American minister & author
Activities Definitions People

Good Neighbor: One who doesn’t borrow his garden hose back too often.

Definitions

Baby: An alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no responsibility at the other.

Definitions Family

Fiddler: A violinist before he becomes the virtuoso.

Definitions Entertainment Music

Taxes: A funding method which allows people to test their powers of deduction.

Definitions Taxes

Advertising: The rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

Eric Arthur Blair (1903 – 50) English author & journalist
Definitions

Conscience: The voice that tells you not to do something after you have done it.

Definitions

Baker: A person who kneads the dough.

Definitions Occupations

Senility: The pleasantly rueful experience of forgetting what we’ve forgotten.

Age Definitions Intelligence Memory Old

The Chinese food in China is not better than the Chinese food here, mostly because of differences of definitions of words that we have – like, for example, 'beef.'

(1960 – ) American comedian
Communication Definitions Food/Drink Language

Tolerance: That uncomfortable feeling that the other fellow might be right after all.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

Obesity: A surplus gone to waist.

Appearance Body Definitions Fat Wordplay

Auctioneer: The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

Definitions Occupations

Judge: A lawyer who once knew a politician.

Definitions Government Law

Unabated: A fishhook without a worm.

Definitions

Negotiating: The art of persuading your opponent to take the nice shiny copper penny and give you the wrinkled old paper money.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Money

Afterthought: A tardy sense of prudence that prompts one to try to shut his mouth about the time he has put his foot in it.

Definitions